Are these just normal comments about baby girls?

[listentobirdsong]

I don't know if I'm just being silly, but here it goes:

DD has recently just turned one, and since she was born I've noticed that people (who we know and strangers) often make comments about her body and being a 'flirt'.

People often joke telling her to put her legs/bum away, and say she's a flirt and we need to watch her with the boys as she's very affectionate (will literally go up to a stranger and kiss them!).

I know these comments are totally innocent, but it happens a lot and makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Aibu?

So not normal.

I have been known to accuse babies of flirting with each other my baby crawled towards someone else's and they looked at each other for ages and then touched noses, so cute, and I said aww what a moment, such flirts!

But I don't think it would occur to me to say a baby is flirting with an adult coz that would be weird and creepy to my ears.

My BIL and SIL are always making put your bum / legs / etc away comments, I think they are just quite prudey. Kids always top to toe covered in clothing whereas mine all like to wear as little as possible!

"Why are you sexualising my child? It's making me really uncomfortable and you'll have to either stop or no longer see her".
Job done.

my son is often described as a flirt, hes 8 months old and always turns the charm on for older women. it doesnt bother me as I know its harmless

It's just wrong, but trying and failing to think up a suitable response!

Both of my nephews are flirts and I doubt anyone would take issue over this had it been a boy people were commenting over. I think it's harmless.

This is usually avoided by not talking to strangers, as honestly I've never had a sensible comment from one yet (chances are if they're so eager to come up and share their opinion about your baby to you, it's going to be bollocks) and yeah, your family are a bunch of ignorant weirdos, sorry. Snap at them that you think it's inappropriate or just see them less.

My mum spouts that sexist shit so we just don't see her, and I pull her up on every comment when we do. Not really fussed about keeping the peace.

As you can see by eenie and Groupie's posts above, some people really do think children 'are flirts' and 'turn on the charm' and they're proud of it. Creeps.

I have just as much of a problem with people saying it about boys as girls.

Anything about how he 'turns on the charm' or 'flirts' is ascribing adult behaviours to children. However confident that child appears, when you ascribe adult behaviours to them, it is confusing for them.

It is not only sexualising them. It also suggests that they are somehow sneaky or manipulative. I don't think that is a good personality trait to encourage in children.

The "flirt" one I heard a lot about ds, and I didn't like it. The problem was, I could see exactly what people meant when they said it, so it was difficult to challenge.

Agree with others. DS had absolutely massive (for his face) eyes as a baby. The amount of comments that were made about him going to be a heartbreaker or flirt because he was an outgoing smiling baby who happened to have big eyes and long eyelashes.

It literally makes me cringe when I hear someone refer to a child as sexy. I've pointed out in the past on Facebook how inappropriate it is. Especially after taking a course on safeguarding children and vulnerable adults course.

It makes me feel sick when DSS's mum texts him calling him he sexy boy. So wrong.

Calling kids sexy is just mind-bogglingly gross.

"flirting" - and I've deliberately put that in inverted commas is a societal norm. It also means 'playful'.

My son, with his dreamy big brown eyes used to stand in the front garden chatting up (yes, chatting up) old ladies, with a winning smile and a dialogue of pleasantries. Hardly sexual behaviour from a 6year old to an 80 year old, but it got him endless sweeties.

I think you are getting hung up on one definition of a word that has many definitions.

No, flirting does not have 'many' definitions.

The Oxford English Dictionary:

"Behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions."

That is the only definition it has (asides from irrelevant ones about eg flirting with death.)

'Chatting up' has similar connotations.

Even if those words did not have a sexual meaning, it is not behaviour that I think should be encouraged in a child. I think it is confusing for them to be labelled in such a way. I don't want my child to think they have to continue acting in a particular way because they have been labelled like that.

If you don't want people to think you are a creep, maybe use 'out-going' or 'cheerful' rather than use words with a sexual connotation.

Be aware that paedophiles will often use those kinds of words in order to try to minimise their own behaviour.

What are swamp eyes op?

No not really heard flirt but had comments about my lads being heart breakers. People just stay stupid stuff.

Never heard flirt about my girls and would knock that on the head pronto

waitfprit swamp eyes are brown eyes apparently.

I do believe people mean it in a nice way, but as it does make me uncomfortable I will challenge it from now on. I just haven't been sure if I was being silly.

Also yes about strangers! Some are genuinely lovely (like the elderly couple who said seeing happy dd made their day), but some people do say really odd things.

Babies so flirt though. They deliberately set out to get positive responses and interactions. They have also been designed, by nature, big eyes etc, to look visually appealing so we look after them md don't abandon them. Lots of eye contact. smiling, looking away then looking back to see if they have caught your eye. That's flirting by any stretch of the imagination

some babies really do want to be the star of the show and the centre of attention. They are the flirts of the baby world. I have heard the expression and used it.

^ This made me URGH.

People used to say it to my baby and I renember people saying it to me, it's awful...

What?! That's so odd! I have a dd and no one has ever referred to her as a 'flirt'. She's also quite friendly like your dd. Very odd

Last week I was at a park with DP and DC and a little girl kept coming over and playing with my DP (she was 2). The girls mum and mums friends kept saying 'look at her, she's such a flirt, throwing herself at men just like her mum' It was horrible and left me and my DP feeling really uncomfortable- I couldn't believe someone would say that about their own little girl!!

putdown That's so sad.

We've had this when DD was about 10 months! I did think it was really weird, but didn't say anything. It was an older gentleman at the airport. I could see his wife thinking "here we go again". Wish I'd said something now, but at the time I just sort of smiled and nodded.

Sounds revolting and laced with gender expectations to me, especially the comments about her body and watching her around boys - just grim. I'd definitely say something.

However, thinking about it I've definitely used it to jokingly describe my baby DS's behaviour in the past. He was a ridiculously friendly and tactile baby towards both men and women. I think I've used it in an ironic, humorous way, like I might say that my cat was 'flirting' with someone if they were particularly affectionate / demanding strokes.

Eurghhh! Such language used about children is creepy and fucking inappropriate.

The meaning of sexy is definitely changing, and morphing into a word closer to 'cute'.

Everyone knows dictionaries lag behind on these things so I don't know if the dictionary has caught up yet. Some people will describe babies, pets, and a huge array of other things as 'sexy' and my understanding of it in that context is something like cute.

I don't use it myself but I wouldn't take offence at hearing it about my kids.

I have two daughters, one who is 10mo and very chubby she's always got her little chubby legs out. Nobody's ever said this about either of my DDs.

When my son was a baby they did though.