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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are these just normal comments about baby girls?

140 replies

listentobirdsong · 20/06/2017 23:44

I don't know if I'm just being silly, but here it goes:

DD has recently just turned one, and since she was born I've noticed that people (who we know and strangers) often make comments about her body and being a 'flirt'.

People often joke telling her to put her legs/bum away, and say she's a flirt and we need to watch her with the boys as she's very affectionate (will literally go up to a stranger and kiss them!).

I know these comments are totally innocent, but it happens a lot and makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Aibu?

OP posts:
IChangedM · 21/06/2017 00:12

Sorry I meant risk factor not indicator.

TyneTeas · 21/06/2017 00:13

Flirt has sexualised connotations though.

No-one is saying babies don't learn early how to manipulate respond and influence a situation, just that the sexualisation is unnecessary and avoidable

Original poster
listentobirdsong · 21/06/2017 00:18

I agree tyneteas - dd knows exactly what she's doing, she loves attention and thinks everyone she meets should adore her, but it's just the word 'flirt' I don't really like.

I also feel uncomfortable with the insinuations (even jokingly) that her legs should be covered.

OP posts:
IChangedM · 21/06/2017 00:20

Tyne

You're right, I have used it myself in the past about boys and girls and I certainly never meant anything sexual by it. I wont do it in future though after reading this. I suppose I just hear it differently when talking about babies.

I would never remark about a babys legs or anything like that though.

Notknownatthisaddress · 21/06/2017 00:23

WTF? I have never heard ANYONE say this. Especially about a BABY.

I have heard 'she's gorgeous, she's gonna break a few hearts when she's older.' And men saying 'she's lovely, good job she looks like yer mum!'

But she's a flirt, put your bum away, put your legs away? What the fuck? What kind of weirdo says that?! Confused

Notknownatthisaddress · 21/06/2017 00:23

I mean 'good job she looks like HER mum!'

Original poster
listentobirdsong · 21/06/2017 00:25

notknown lots of people have said it to us, maybe we know/meet some strange people!

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 21/06/2017 00:25

At a friend's home I saw a family member (of hers) kiss a baby girl on the lips. When the baby did the same back there were comments of 'Ohh, you'll have to watch her!' and 'She's starting young!' from onlookers. Some families accept crap like that.

sadsquid · 21/06/2017 00:26

Weirdly I never had anything like that with DD, but with DS (who I'm bfing into toddlerhood) I get all sorts of comments along the lines of 'of course he's into boobs, he's a boy'. Yes, a BABY boy. His MOTHER'S boobs. What the actual fuck. Confused

Some people think it's cute to pin sexualised gender roles on tiny children. I think it's revolting, personally.

Original poster
listentobirdsong · 21/06/2017 00:27

beezie we've had those types of comments too, I'm now feeling a bit guilty I've never challenged it before actually.

OP posts:
IChangedM · 21/06/2017 00:27

Notknownatthisaddress maybe "flirt" is a colloquial thing? It's not unusual where I am and is usually said by women (I can't picture any men saying it). The last specific incident of somebody saying it I can remember it was the babys grandma and it was jokey and affectionate.

All this is about "flirt" not the "put your legs away" which I have never heard anybody say.

Original poster
listentobirdsong · 21/06/2017 00:28

sadsquid that is awful Shock

OP posts:
Foniks · 21/06/2017 00:30

Yep sad and it's seen as more acceptable with boys for some reason. I have heard those ones quite a few times, and i don't even have a son, so God knows how often mothers of sons hear it.
"Oh, he's definitely a boob man" no he's not, he's a baby boy who likes the place food is produced, it's literally a natural instinct.
Or when they like spending time with some females, people talk of how many girls he will get or that he's a ladies man etc. Disgusting.
I don't know why it's so acceptable.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 21/06/2017 00:32

I have read other posters who have heard comments like that about their babies. Also babies being called 'sexy' or having 'sexy legs'.

I don't know how these people's minds work to come out with comments that imo rate about 80 on the 1 - 100 EW rating scale.

Notknownatthisaddress · 21/06/2017 00:34

@IChangedM

Yeah but, why would anyone say this to a baby? A one year old baby?

Weird.

From google

flirt
verb

behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions.

"she began to tease him, flirting with other men in front of him"
synonyms: trifle with, toy with, tease, lead on, philander with, make romantic advances to, court, woo,

chat up, make eyes at, give the come-on to, come on to, be all over someone

"she's always flirting with the boys"

Anyone who thinks a one year old baby is capable of 'flirting,' needs help.

Original poster
listentobirdsong · 21/06/2017 00:37

notknown reading that actually made me cringe. I will definitely mention something when people say it in the future.

OP posts:
IChangedM · 21/06/2017 00:41

Notknownatthisaddress

Thanks for that it was super helpful.

troodiedoo · 21/06/2017 00:44

My health visitor said my dd was flirting at her 6 week check. I thought it was an odd choice of words but I knew what she meant.

Lots of people used to say my older dd had a dirty laugh when she was a baby. Now that did piss me off.

belmontian · 21/06/2017 00:47

But then I've also heard people refer to pets (my dog in particular) as 'sexy' confused

What a strange world we live in when babies and pets (?!) are becoming sexualized.

Morphene · 21/06/2017 00:59

I think I would say 'please stop sexualizing my child, it is making me feel uncomfortable', preferably out of hearing of said child.

I said something like this to a lifeguard making comments about my DD, when she was 4yo at a swimming pool. I don't think they were meaning anything by it at all, but DD has ears so I don't really care what they thought they were trying to say, but what she will have taken away from it.

sykadelic · 21/06/2017 03:54

Actually I've had people say it about my 7 mo DS (and knowing he's a DS). He is very smiley and giggley. I've said it myself as well actually "he's such a little flirt" when he hams it up for people. I don't mean anything untoward about it, nothing sexual, just like saying an affectionate "he's such a suck-up!".

BigYellowJumper · 21/06/2017 04:14

I think it's really disgusting and I would keep anyone who says that kind of stuff far away from my kids.

I think it shows a really odd view of children.

Scribblegirl · 21/06/2017 04:32

I have a real problem with this. There is literally no scenario where it wouldn't be more appropriate to sub 'sexy' for 'cute/cutie' or 'charmer/charming' for 'flirt/flirting'. I don't care how you mean it, sexualising children is downright creepy.

Casschops · 21/06/2017 05:54

A woman on Aldi called my son "sexy" . Got a mouthful of abuse when I pulled her up on it. Sick horrid language.Confused

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 21/06/2017 07:14

worra your dog got called sexy? Was they wearing lingerie 😂

cass the amount of people on Facebook who refer too their child as "my sexy baba" is disturbing. I can think of lots of ways to describe a baby. Sexy never pops into my head.