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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are these just normal comments about baby girls?

140 replies

listentobirdsong · 20/06/2017 23:44

I don't know if I'm just being silly, but here it goes:

DD has recently just turned one, and since she was born I've noticed that people (who we know and strangers) often make comments about her body and being a 'flirt'.

People often joke telling her to put her legs/bum away, and say she's a flirt and we need to watch her with the boys as she's very affectionate (will literally go up to a stranger and kiss them!).

I know these comments are totally innocent, but it happens a lot and makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Aibu?

OP posts:

LittleLionMansMummy · 21/06/2017 10:19

Thankfully not something I've come across. Yuck. People say dd (7 months) is smiley and sociable, but never a flirt. I wouldn't be impressed if they did.

StarryCorpulentCunt · 21/06/2017 10:27

To be honest I think it comes down to how seriously you take yourself. I have family who say those things like flirting and ladies man about my kids. I find it hilarious because they DO. It isn't sexual at all but flirting is the most fitting word for it. Just like the pp whose ds used to chat up the neighbour, my Ds will do the same. As soon as he sees a female he turns on the charm and doe eyes. I don't know where he gets said charm though as DP certainly has none. I would be uncomfortable with the word sexy though.

Dd is also frequently told to put that bum away before I bite it. It's a great game apparently as she runs around howling with laughter clutching her dress round her knees. I think you might be over thinking this a little. If you don't like it tell them to stop but don't make out that they are being creepy towards a child. I highly doubt any of their comments are even remotely serious.

Beeziekn33ze · 21/06/2017 10:30

Big Yellow Jumper - thanks for the flirt definition.
OK, those who care, let's stop right now and challenge every use of flirt or sexy referring to children.
The words friendly and cute are appropriate and I'm sure we can all think of others which are suitable.
Did the rot set in when a Blue Peter presenter, years ago, said of some creation 'Finally we'll tart it up with some ribbon!' or similar?
Then there was Blair, Campbell and their 'sexed up' dossier. Look what that led to.

MissionItsPossible · 21/06/2017 10:59

I have never heard anybody say this about a one year old boy or girl and would fine it very, very strange and uncomfortable.

kissmethere · 21/06/2017 11:17

Urgh no it's not normal. I've heard it in the past as well and it's like the person wants to introduce this kind o comment as normal. Some people are really weird.
I have a friend who was always going on about protecting her DD from inappropriate behaviour And strangers and not long after she was calling every male DD came into contact with her boyfriend! "You're a bit young for a boyfriend" " look at the way she's looking at him she loves him" " her little boyfriend from nursery" " she's going to meet her boyfriend " etc, and I just thought wtf is wrong with you??? Why are you describing her interaction with males as a flirty thing? Id I ever commented she'd say it was lovely.
Ok, no it's not😕

Coulddowithanap · 21/06/2017 11:23

I've heard these comments from DHs family/friends, not just aimed at babies but pets too. It's certainly not ment in a bad way at all. I wondered if it was a regional thing as I had never heard of these comments and feel uncomfortable hearing them.

ThanksMsMay · 21/06/2017 11:25

Except for the bit where they said she should cover up, yes, I'd say it was "normal" in the sense that it's prevalent not that it's OK.

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 11:37

"Put that bum away before I bite it" ? urgh! If someone said that to my dd, I would throw them out if the house.

BertrandRussell · 21/06/2017 11:45

""Put that bum away before I bite it" ? confused urgh! If someone said that to my dd, I would throw them out if the house."

Really? That surprises me. I hate the "sexy""flirty"stuff.

But "ooh, look at the that bottom i''m going o bite it!" or similar seems perfectly usual. (Only not bum because I hate the word!)

Batteriesallgone · 21/06/2017 11:46

Talking to small children is like Christmas.

Every family does it differently and it's SO WEIRD to everyone else

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 11:48

Guess we all have different standards of eurgh. I have done my best to teach my dd body autonomy. She's 10. I will as her mum ask permission if I need to touch anywhere personal.
I never tried to bite her bum as a baby even as a joke. 'Cos it ain't funny. It's creepy.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 21/06/2017 11:50

I had a friend that was outraged at my 5 month old being naked in my own frontroom... "You need to be careful! you never can tell, it's your job to protect her!"
Protect her from what I've no idea. It's not like I was parading her and giving her to strangers

ThanksMsMay · 21/06/2017 11:53

Why is a child's bum any more sexual than their leg? You're putting adult sexuality on a child. They might understand the use of genitals for sex at that age but bums are just bums. Brilliantly non sexual, frequently hilarious bums:

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 11:57

Isn't there some NSPCC guidance about the pants rule - maybe you should contact the NSPCC and tell them what a bunch of silly prudes they are.

araiwa · 21/06/2017 12:05

Ive heard both baby boys and girls being described as flirts. I think its fine and in no way inappropriate.

Cutesbabasmummy · 21/06/2017 12:18

I call my 2 year old DS a ladies' man as he loves playing with girls, more so than boys. He will show off to little girls - example - unstrapping and strapping his shoe up and then smile with a coy look to see if they are impressed! I do think its a bit odd that people tell your DD to put her legs and bum away though! MY DS has been running around in his nappy this week.

user1498028015 · 21/06/2017 12:24

A woman on the tube the other day said my son (9mo) was flirting with her. I did kind of double take but she obviously didn't think it was odd to say...
I don't have anything constructive to add except I guess that it happens to boys too?!
It's somehow more disturbing when said to little girls. And telling her to put parts of her body away would irritate me no end! Like when people tell him to be a man or a big boy and not cry. 😡 er no he's a baby!

bumblebee61 · 21/06/2017 12:27

She's ONE? I would challenge these comments if they were made about a teenager, never mind a baby. What the hell is wrong with these people. You must challenge these comments. Perhaps these weird people will think twice about their twisted assumptions.

Notso · 21/06/2017 12:46

I've heard the put your legs/nappy/tummy away when the baby/toddler in question has been kind of flopped usually in a pushchair or pulling up their t-shirt/shorts/dress. I've said it myself to my own children, DD and DS's like a game, I'd give them a pat or a tickle and they would laugh then do it again, nothing sexual about it.

DS2 is often referred to a ladies man because he likes being around girls, he'll compliment his female classmates on their hair/clothes/shoes etc. He has always made a beeline for girls from being a toddler, and often holds doors open and calls females my lady. I don't know where he gets it from DH and his two brothers are not like this. I imagine some people see him as a bit odd.

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 12:48

I hope the ladies' man is also taught that many girls are unimpressed by this behaviour and if they don't respond or respond negatively, this is ok.

specialsubject · 21/06/2017 12:52

Yuk.
But then I think all comments on the beauty of children are fairly revolting. Some kids are plug ugly ( I was) - does it make them less valuable or important?

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 12:59

Agree special. Plenty of lovely ways to praise and admire babies and children without comments on physical appearance or "compliance" with adults .

Gizmo79 · 21/06/2017 13:00

I definitely don't use the term flirt, but my family (well me) often have a soft nibble on my 4 months old bottom and thighs as it makes him giggle so much. I'll still do it to my 3 year old. Also other parts of their anatomy (arm, stomach etc). I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all - although I leave my poor DD alone (she is almost 11 so becoming very aware of her body)!!
I have no problem with seeing my or other kids naked, it used to be so common when I was growing up , but then I spent a lot of time in Spain so perhaps attitudes there are more relaxed around nudity. Also I'm a lot older so societal expectations have also changed.
Do not ever want to hear the terms 'put your legs away' aimed at any of my children, although have had to have a few words with my son(3) about getting his willy out, so he is now happy going up to his room and playing with it!

Notso · 21/06/2017 13:00

Unimpressed by what behaviour Calpolly? His behaviour has gained him loads of friends so far, he's often the only boy at girls parties. The whole school homework this week was to work on kindness examples of which include holding doors open and complimenting friends.
He knows that some people don't want to play/talk/whatever just like his siblings.

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 13:04

I was referring to the other ladies ' man mentioned on this thread who tries to impress girls with his shoe management.
Of course, politeness and courtesy is to be encouraged and approved of.

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