£100 a month of family money on himself.

It's a difficult one. It is his money ostensibly because he earns it and I don't hold the view that it automatically just becomes household income once it's earned.

That said, he is being selfish if by buying a bike it would alter your standard of living greatly. I'd be honest with him and tell him that.

If this £100 will really impact all your living standards it would be unreasonable of him to spent it on something just for him. It sounds like this isn't a £100 you can spare.

• can you jointly afford this AND something regular and nice for you?
  

• if not YANBU. If you can, sit down and sort this out.

What a nonsense from bonjour.

Anything earned when you're married is communal income and should be spent in the best interests of the family. Now, that may well mean he gets his motorbike, but if your definition of being 'comfortable' financially is being able to afford food, then I'd suggest you don't have enough to buy a motorbike on a lease deal.

100 each month is quite a lot of money. Do you have a budget to know exactly the impact it will have? Before approaching it I would definitely want to have the facts and figures i.e It means we won't be able to take the DCs here etc, and that way you can come to an agreement on it together, whether it's the right thing to do. However, if he already spends 100 a month on X which is now going on bike, it's obviously not unreasonable.

Is it family money or his money?

Sounds like you have separate finances. Which is good for some families. My understanding is that this works best when you each have similar amounts left after paying family bills.

He seems to be viewing this bike as a family expense. Which, to be fair, is how I view our cars. Even though we have one each and one is mine one is dp's

I think that in a marriage you should have equal amount of money to spend on non essential items or family bills. Therefore if you can't spend 100 on yourself each month then he shouldn't either. Spare money should be divided equally.

Sit down together and work out a budget. If all you have left over after food and bills is £100, it'd be unreasonable for him to spend it all on a bike.

It is his money ostensibly because he earns it



I earn all the money for our family.

Does that mean it's actually MY money and if anyone wants anything they should be grateful to me? As it's really mine to spend on myself?

YABU because you don't like spending money on yourself so you don't think he should either

Life is to be lived (once the essentials have been covered) and it sounds like he would support you if you wanted something for yourself, you just don't! that doesn't mean he has to be a martyr

A comprimise in my eyes would be to agree to the £100 a month - but put it in savings until he can buy the bike outright as it'll be cheaper overall and it'll mean less months with £100 going out. He gets his bike in the medium/long term, and you get less months when he's spending money on himself

Is the motor bike to get to work on or do you have another vehicle? If it's just a hobby it would definitely be a no if it means a squeeze on the family finances. It seems madness to buy a bike on credit when you have limited income and are renting a home. He needs to get his priorities straight. Plus bikes are really dangerous but that's a whole other thread. Good luck with this OP YANBU.

Isnt dh part of your family?

Agree with Tinsel on the saving front. At least for six months put £100 a month away to start saving and see what the impact is on the family financially.

As for Bonjour's approach to family finances . . . I don't really have anything more to say.

I'm confused. Do you both have a car? Do you need both cars and a motorbike?

Can you 're think how you work out your finances? Work out what you need to pay out each month and pay it out of a joint account and what is left split 50/50. Say for example your joint income is £2000 and your mortgage, bills and food come to £1000- split the remaining £1000 and then have £500 a month to spend as you wish.

If you have one car that you both use then it's only fair you both pay for it in terms of tax and insurance and contribute the right amount towards fuel. For example, my car is the family car and I use it 90% of the time- but I still expect DH to pay his cost of insuring him and towards the road tax and petrol (he actually pays half the road tax and will put £25 of fuel in on pay day)

I'd say he needs to save £125 per month for a year to judge if you can really afford to buy one. However, it also sounds like there needs to be a bigger discussion about income and outgoings. Food costs etc are going up and it sounds like he needs to supplement the shared pot each month without you having to ask for it.

I agree 100% with Roomster. Whatever dh and I earn goes in the "pot" for bills/food/savings, and the remainder is split 50/50. Always has been. And I am a SAHM at the moment.

Surely if spending £100 a month means no days out or treats for the dc then he must be able to see it's not really affordable?

There are not many things I would ever buy on Finance and a motorbike is definitely one thing I would never get on finance.
Ex boss had a job chasing unpaid finance on bikes. Worst job ever, as he was often talking to widows or bereaved mothers...

That aspect aside, he should save for a bit first. Will it mean he can give up a car? (Doubtful!) What size bike? Would YOU be interested in riding it at all? (Alone, not as a pillion - another thing I won't do).
Wait until he can properly afford it. Tax, insurance, servicing, etc all adds up. Plus kit if he hasn't got any...

Do you know exactly how much money he earns, how much is spent and how much is left ? Coz it seems like he thinks you have a spare £100 while you think you are just about managing.

Yes you need to sit down, write out finances and point out to him you are struggling

In that case YWNBU to say no to the bike until after the lessons are paid for.

I don't think you are unreasonable to say no indefinitely

hobbies/interests are important

Set up a standing order into a lesson/bike saving account - once you've passed the standing order continues and becomes his bike fund

YWNBU to say that you don't want it on finance so long as you commit to saving for it instead

Lol

Imagine not agreeing with the mumsnet view! Heaven forbid!

I don't think you are unreasonable to say no indefinitely

double negatives fail!

I don't think you would be REASONABLE to say no indefinitely

Just seen your latest post about not driving. This should be a priority. You get a lesson a week, about £100 I reckon (I dont mind be corrected as it's a long time), you know as you do have the odd £100 spare.

Then he can think about a motorbike when you have passed your test. I think it's selfish of him to want the bike when you think you cant afford lessons. Just when do you think you will be able to afford them while he's spunking over an unecessary bike

.....you can't afford driving lessons but he can afford a motorbike? No.

Depends a bit on how much he spends on himself overall, compared to you/dc. So if you are spending £60/month on clothes, or a cut and colour, plus £40 on days out for the kids and he spends £5 a month on the barbers and hasn't bought new clothes since 2016 then maybe some redistrobution would be fair.