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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

417 replies

ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 09:47

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely Grin)

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more... Confused Hmm

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest... Blush

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post Shock

OP posts:
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Donttouchthethings · 20/06/2017 12:42

What an utter dick!

Of all the things I've read on here, I think Edna is the biggest dick I've ever read about. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

I don't think I'd reply. But if you have mutual friends who might try to take offence, I might be tempted to post a screenshot so they're aware of how badly she's treated you. I would block her though.

londonrach · 20/06/2017 12:42

More classy to block and ignore. That says more, you keep the upper hand and dont waste time and effect dealing with her

scampimom · 20/06/2017 12:56

Dear Edna,

Sorry I've not been round in a while. My dog can't drive. Also, he thinks you're a cunt and I'm inclined to agree.

Love and kisses,

Miffed

StrangeAndUnusual · 20/06/2017 12:59

My cousin has the same as you (although he has apparently been told only males can get it in our family and females are the carriers, which doesn't sound right).

There are many different types of retinitis pigmentosa which (it sounds like) both your cousin and the OP - and me - have.

Your cousin probably has the X-linked type, which is carried on an X-chromosome but doesn't show up in women because they have a second (unaffected) X-chromosome with a working copy of the affected gene. The men who inherit the affected X-chromosome don't have the working copy as it's not on the Y-chromosome.

The OP probably has another recessive type, as do I, which isn't sex-linked. We've inherited two affected genes, one from each parent. Generally the parents don't even know they have them, because they've each got a working gene as well.

Sight is a much more complicated thing than people generally realise. A very wise person once told me to think of sight as a large group of functions - e.g. the function to judge the speed of moving traffic; the function to recognise printed words; the function to detect objects on one's periphery; the function to detect light etc. With RP, each of the many functions gradually disappears, leaving only a few (or none).

Different tools help with different functions. A guide dog is brilliant for detecting and avoiding objects around you, or finding specified objects (kerbs, door handles, crossing places). It's no help at all with reading signs or letters Grin.

pootlepootle · 20/06/2017 13:00

I've scrolled through every single page of this desperate to see pictures of said guide dog.

my two say send us your photo......

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...
StrangeAndUnusual · 20/06/2017 13:02

There's only 5000 working guide dogs in the UK, so the OP might feel it's a bit identifying to put up a picture of hers, especially if it's one of the less common colours or breeds.

TinselTwins · 20/06/2017 13:06

She sounds jealous of your disability

I know that sounds insane, but there are people like that out there

She resents you, you have something real going on with you, and she's just a miserable bitch for no reason, she's projecting the whole "faking it" thing onto you which should tell you something about her that that's where her mind has gone

I bet you anything she's a "doctor shopper" and complains about HCPs not taking her seriously

disastrousflapjack · 20/06/2017 13:12

What a prize piece of work! Totally off the scale of cuntdom. I honestly don't think anything you do or say can change the attitude of someone so totally un-self aware and unempathetic. I agree with the delete/block contingency and have nothing more to do with her. Just not worth the energy of a reply imo. She will probably be totally unable to see how vile and ignorant her behaviour is no matter what you say or do.

Really sorry you had such a truly shitty experience. Flowers

Morifarty · 20/06/2017 13:13

Shamelessly placemarking for a photo of the dog

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/06/2017 13:15

She sounds totally resentful - I bet she's one of those who is jealous of those who get Mobility cars as well, eh?

I liked your initial message, and I liked the "My dog doesn't like you" version as well.

Hope you've sent one of them and then blocked her - she clearly doesn't like being friends with a disabled person and is doing her best to ignore your disability, but you, darn you, keep bringing it back to her notice! How very dare you! Because, y'know, you're making her uncomfortable.

GloriaGilbert · 20/06/2017 13:15

Good grief, some people have no humanity.

Some beautiful doggies on the thread.

Flowers
littlemissneela · 20/06/2017 13:16

With friends like these......

Edna asking you to come to her house without your dog is like asking my wheelchair using dd to walk into town. I'm sure you, like my daughter, can get about a bit at home without using your aid (wheelchair or dog), but for anything else, its just not possible.

I would reply with what your dh said, and then unfriend her.

Flowers for you and a toy for your dog Bear

trufflecake · 20/06/2017 13:17

Apalling! How horrible for you OP.

I would send her a very short message saying you will not reply any further due to her apalling and deeply offensive accusations and she should not contact you ever again.

But add that you will forward the message to all known freinds and acquaintances.

And DO send the message to everyone. Blow the whistle on her outrageous behaviour.

Simply say in the group message that you have felt very bad from this unwarranted personal attack, and the woman has for years objected to the prescence of the dog to the extent of not allowing you into her home if he is around and ou have repsected this but that now you feel you need to make it known what she has said so you aren't dealing with it alone.

No need to say much more other than you wanted other people to know what she has said so you arent alone, and so she can't keep tying to get away with it in private.

Horrendous woman.

Flowers for you OP

CalmShambala · 20/06/2017 13:17

Your "friend" is a disgrace.

Who the hell tells someone they can't bring their guide dog?

Dump the bitch and find real friends.

SomeKnobend · 20/06/2017 13:23

Paste her message on your facebook wall, tag her in it and respond in the most factual way possible ending by inviting her and anyone else who feels the same, to remove herself from your friends list. You won't have to do the "fuck off cunt" stuff because all your (real) friends will do it for you. Outrageously cunty woman!.

JaneEyre70 · 20/06/2017 13:25

Reading between the lines, I'd say she's having issues accepting your limited vision. Which doesn't really make her a very nice person. By having your guide dog there, it's a reality she can't ignore.

I wouldn't even give her the satisfaction of a reply tbh.
She's not worth it.
People who don't have dogs are weird in my book Grin.

hazeydays14 · 20/06/2017 13:28

This is the only appropriate reaction to seeing a guide dog! Grin

In all seriousness, if she can't accept that your guide dog is as essential to your daily life then just get rid of her. Either call her out for being a vile, selfish cowbag using one of the PPs many witty suggestions or block and delete.

Don't feel guilty about it, she's no friend to you.

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...
unicorn5629 · 20/06/2017 13:30

Agree with PP who say she's jealous of the disability. It's because SHE will not be centre of attention and you will have the final say on arrangements to meet because of your disability (that OBVIOUSLY you chose to have bestowed upon you !) a friend of mines daughter has recently had a cancer diagnosis, a person she used to be close to hasn't bothered checking in whatsoever... they have form for moaning about a selection of health ailments... can't beat cancer though can they? Sick and twisted people Angry

Fishface77 · 20/06/2017 13:32

Hi Edna
Thanks for your message.
I am definitely blind. Because I wasted 8 years calling you my friend as well as my disability.
You are blind because you are ignorant.
The difference is that a guide dog can help me but nothing and no one can help you.
Don't call again
OP.

pootlepootle · 20/06/2017 13:36

There's only 5000 working guide dogs in the UK, so the OP might feel it's a bit identifying to put up a picture of hers, especially if it's one of the less common colours or breeds.

fair point.

GabsAlot · 20/06/2017 13:38

id say oh its coz i dont likeyour child :)

but im a bitch

your dog sounds lovly thyre so intelligent it amazes me

MrsMozart · 20/06/2017 13:38

Whilst the others are tempting, I think Floralnomad's is the one to go with.

goes off to read rest of thread...

NellieBuff · 20/06/2017 13:39

Flowers You are so better off without this so called friend. I would just ignore her from now on.

PeachPearPotato · 20/06/2017 13:41

non and pootle lovely dogs!

You sound fantastic OP, much love to you and you fabulous mutt.

Personally I think you should break into her house and superglue a couple of smartie tubes around her eyes while she's asleep to improve her empathy - but I'm not sure that's legal Grin

FrancisCrawford · 20/06/2017 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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