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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

417 replies

ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 09:47

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely Grin)

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more... Confused Hmm

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest... Blush

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post Shock

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Fluffypinkpyjamas · 20/06/2017 13:47

Fuck off to the far side of fuck, and when you get there - fuck off some more

Huck is spot on, this woman is NOT a friend, she is a nasty, evil cunt and you need to get rid of her.

fannydaggerz · 20/06/2017 13:50

Edna is a cunt.

If you really want to message back you could message back

"we had a lovely time on Saturday, I didn't ask because you have expressed that you don't like my guide dog and there were many others here too. I can't leave him at home to come to yours because I need him.

P.S you are a cunt"

Offherhead · 20/06/2017 13:51

I echo the opinion. This is not the behaviour of a friend. Having a child of my own with a wariness of dogs the absolutrle best thing has bee l gradually introducing well behaved animals (guide dogs take that to another level).
I'd ignore but that's because she's being soooo ridiculous she must know and is itching for a fight to blame you for her failings.
But if you can't a simple factual and ice cold response saying you couldn't invite her due to her previous requests regarding your working dog who is necessary due to being blind. No chatty. Nothing else.

nachogazpacho · 20/06/2017 14:02

How horrible to find out your friend never really had an issue with dogs, rather it was with your disability. I would think that's why she didn't want you to bring your dog...not because she didn't like dogs but because she wanted you to behave as though you had no disability.

I think you made the right choice to ignore and block. She seems to have a couple of worrying personality traits. First lack of empathy. Second passive aggression. Third seeking attention.

Facebook can bring out those traits and amplifies people's insecurities to the max. I've seen many a mask slip on Facebook. It's a great networking tool but there are some things I've found out that I wish I never knew about people. Mind you, better the devil you know.

AndieNZ · 20/06/2017 14:03

I honestly can't believe what I have just read..

I am raging on your behalf! What an absolute bitch!!!

Nonibaloni · 20/06/2017 14:08

The more I think about this the more angry I get. Maybe because our dog heard a child cry and wouldn't settle until I'd been to check (a kid in another garden). His distress at anykind of human sufferning is palpable.

One of the first thing you learn about sight loss is that it's isolating. If she had even vaguely googled it she would have read that. So that you have friends and are socialising is a big deal (my feelings on this is a whole other thread).

She is of the belief people with sight loss should sit at home quietly in the dark. She likes her disabled people "properly" disabled. Makes me sick. I am possibly a little defensive.

WizardOfToss · 20/06/2017 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PizzaPower · 20/06/2017 14:22

I not normally one for this, but as other have said, send he a link to the thread.
With a bit of luck she might realise what a cunt she is, then again probably too far up her own arse to realise.

Keepthebloodynoisedown · 20/06/2017 14:22

What a bitch.
I would have to say that you couldn't bring the dog round mine, because I have allergies that make me feel shit and need to know that my home is a place that I won't suffer from them. But I would be majorly apologetic and wouldn't then moan that you never came round.

TequilaSunshine · 20/06/2017 14:24

Wow.Not read all 10 pages but your "friend" sounds horrendous.
With what you say, it sounds like she doesn't accept that you've got a disability at all, which is kind of strange seeing as you've been issued with a guide dog - I'm assuming they don't just hand them out like sweets!
Utterly bizarre behaviour for you to have to keep on reminding her why you can't come to hers, etc. Is she being deliberately obtuse, or what?!
You sound well rid, she's no friend of yours.

PizzaPower · 20/06/2017 14:27

Also OP, would see if MNHQ would change the word "Friend" in you title to "Disablist Bitch Queen".

ParisOnWheels · 20/06/2017 14:28

OP, I have a colleague who will not stop going on about how amazing assistance dogs are and how I have got to get one. The fact I dont want one is apparently irrelevant. I use a wheelchair and assistance dogs are amazing for wheelchairs so I must get one. Would you like to swap her for Edna?

CalmItKermitt · 20/06/2017 14:33

I'm aghast 😮

Spudlet · 20/06/2017 14:38

Dear Edna

I need and like [Fluffles McGuideDog] one hell of a lot more than I need or like you. Thank you for showing your true colours. Do not contact me again.

Than block the bitch, and never allow her any more of your time or headspace.

chinlop · 20/06/2017 14:42

OP has updated and said she has ignored and blocked the woman.

Good choice, OP. Not worth expending any time or energy on this woman.

Leilaniii · 20/06/2017 14:44

You and your dog sound absolutely. Your 'friend', however, does not.

I also vote for the 'my dog doesn't like you' line.

PickAChew · 20/06/2017 14:45

Edna needs to get over herself.

Spudlet · 20/06/2017 14:47

That's a good choice op.

Edna is probably just jealous of your dog's superior intelligence, charm, looks and personal hygiene.

user1483387154 · 20/06/2017 14:50

Your 'friend' is a total ARSE!

squizita · 20/06/2017 14:56

Even if the child is frightened (or allergic or whatever), she could arrange for them to spend a couple of hours with a relative or something.

She sounds horrible.
Maybe can't handle your disability and wants it to be about her, not you?

In any case block/delete/unfriend/ignore.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 20/06/2017 14:57

Screen shot it and send it to friends who know her

TheABC · 20/06/2017 14:58

OP, you clearly have had the patience of a saint with this woman. You have had lots of good responses to use, so pick, click and send - and then give your dog a pat. Guide Dogs are some of the best ambassadors you can get for working animals and they are all bloody gorgeous.

Some people simply will not accept disability in others and this seems to be the case with Edna. You must be relieved it's over.

PetalMePotts · 20/06/2017 15:00

Dear Edna, I am really sad to learn that, in all the years of our friendship, you have always suspected that I have been lying about my disability. I now understand why I have not been welcome in your home. I only wish you had been honest with me from the start. I would then have been able to end our friendship sooner.

gallicgirl · 20/06/2017 15:07

If you were feeling particularly evil, then post her message to you on Facebook and be sure to tag her in the post so all her friends see it.

You'll definitely burn your bridges but that's probably no bad thing.

Willow2017 · 20/06/2017 15:07

Send her this, she isnt a friend she is a batshit crazy selfish cow.

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