'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

[ReallyRatherMiffed]

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely )

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more...

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest...

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post

WhiteCaribou unfortunately there is a sub-section of the VI/guide dog owning community who do actualy believe that Guide dogs give out dogs to those who are less deserving i.e. Those who have some vision. There is a belief amongst some that guide dogs prioritise people with some vision as the dogs are easier to train. Of course this fails to take account of the fact that sometimes some vision is actually worse than no vision as someone can e.g. Go from being able to see something in certain light one minute to nothing the next etc.

There are also the urban legends about the guide dog owner who, upon qualifying with his guide dog, invited his instructor round to take him to lunch to thank him. Upon arrival, the guide dog owner put the dog in the back of his car and then proceeded to drive them both to the restaurant.

OP, I think I have the same eye condition as you. I also have a guide dog. Are you on the Facebook group for guide dog owners? If not, PM me and I will send you a link. Very useful for discussing this sort of thing.

Your friend sounds awful. Sadly, I have had similar experiences. Getting a guide dog, whilst being a wonderful experience in terms of mobility (I was almost completely housebound before) has also been a painful one in terms of other people's attitudes.

I think you can only tell yourself that she has shown her true colours. Accepting a guide dog has nothing to do with 'liking dogs'. Some guide dog owners are not 'doggy people.' I'm not. But my guide dog is the faithful, trustworthy companion who will guide me safely to where I need to go and stay there with me, waiting to bring me back. A number of my erstwhile friends - it turns out - are not.

There are nice people out there though. For example -

• I have a friend with a dog allergy - we meet out and about or at my house and I put my GD in another room. If we want to go somewhere together and being in close contact with my dog would set off her allergy, then she substitutes herself as my guide, picking me up and dropping me off and throughout giving me her arm and thoughtfully assisting me with everything that my dog would otherwise do.

• I have a friend whose child was terrified of dogs (after being bitten as a toddler). She encouraged the child to gradually (over a year) get comfortable with my dog - and now her child is comfortable and confident around dogs. Which is a life skill, really, even if you'll never actively seek out their company.

I would be clear, but as kind as I could. "Dear X. I have a disability and you don't believe that I do. It is clear to me now that my reality and your perception of my reality will always be miles apart, which makes things awkward for me and seems to make you extremely angry (which can't be good for your health). We will both be much more content if we are just acquaintances rather than friends. I wish you the best for the future."

Also, show her message (and your reply if you like) to everyone who can be relied on to set others straight if they have been misinformed by your ex-friend.

Haven't RTFT but just wanted to say
a) Edna is a tit and you are better off without her
b) Love your user name.

"Sorry I didn't invite you but many of the guests are also disabled and we didn't want to risk you catching it" hopefully she'd read the sarcasm

TO be classified Blind you don't have to not be able to see - there are those classified as blind that can recognise a face across the street. There are always going to be doubters - she is not a friend, a friend would not do this to you. She needs to grow up - you don't need to do anything other than block and ignore - I wouldn't even bother trying to have a conversation with her. Guide dogs are an entirely different kettle of fish in terms of risk to children etc and would be a great way of familiarising any child with dogs as they are just so well trained. How she can call you out about your eyesight and not deal with her own issues in terms of dogs I don't know. Guide dogs for the Blind are very open about selection and training and there are many factors that influence the choices made and the matching of animal and owner. Guide dogs won't suit all people who are blind same as dogs don't suit all people who aren't blind. I have known blind (entirely blind ie no eyes even) from birth folk without a dog and those with central tunnel vision who can see perfectly in certain spheres but need a dog when in a wider environment

I am terrified of dogs, but I would have to make it work if I had a friend with a guide dog, and I WOULD make it work because I would never exclude someone for being disabled.

I don't feel as bad around guide dogs anyway though because I know how well trained they are and my fear comes from being attacked a few times by dogs

Not that any of that matters because this bitch doesn't have a fear of dogs anymore than I have a fear of lemonade! A fear of dogs doesn't mean you are OK as long as they aren't in your house, for me it means physically shaking even after crossing the road away from a dog or going in to a shop I didn't need to go in to get away from one, and that's even if they are on leads

Glad you are going down the ignore and block route. Once she sobers up and realizes what she has done she will be mortified and you are well rid of someone like her.

def forward her message onto a mutual & gobby friend. downplay so gobby friend does maximum damage.

i agree don't respond and block her.

Jesus, with friends like Edna who needs enemies? She sounds like a spiteful cow with a nasty streak a mile wide. I get the impression from what you've posted that she's one of those "friends" who is more interested in what you can do for them, rather than the other way round, is that a fair assumption?

for you. I just can't understand how some people can treat others with disabilities with such contempt.

There are some exceptionally ignorant people, there are others who lack empathy. Your 'friend' is both. What a total twat

ooooh ooooh I have a suggested response!

"Dear Edna
Despite what you seem to mistakenly believe, I have a disability and am reliant on my wonderful guide dog which helps me enormously.
Unfortunately, you're a cold-hearted bitch and as far as I'm aware, there's no help for that.
Fuckity bye"

Get rid of Edna, she sounds awful, and not a good friend. Disrespectful of you and your disability. Friends are supposed to make your life better, and be there for you, she is not one of them. Don't get rid of your guide dog, get rid of Edna!

"Sorry you weren't invited, my dog doesn't like you"

This.

Perfect response from justmadeperfectflapjacks.

Perfect response?

Wow. Edna's as ignorant and dumb as a bag of rocks isn't she?

I have a vision impaired friend who has a guide dog. He's been an absolute godsend to my friend. It shocks me that anyone would think that guide dogs are just handed out willy nilly to anyone who wants one. Based on my friend's experience, it's a very long and drawn out process that shows real commitment from everyone involved.

I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss

I don't even know what to say to that really. Anyone who thinks that is seriously lacking in intelligence. My vision impaired friend could only wish her lack of sight was an exaggeration.

I think you're right in going the block and delete route, OP. I don't think Edna has the brains to understand any of the witty comebacks here. But am I understanding correctly that you've told one friend who is a bit of a blabbermouth? Cos that's a brilliant strategy - getting the word out without having to do it yourself. I like it!

Sorry, don't know where that last bit came from!

Fuck off to the far side of fuck, and when you get there - fuck off some more.

^^ This. But then I'm in a mood to tell the whole fucking world to fuck right off today .

What a cunt she is. Send her plomino's picture. Odd change in behaviour though, if you used to be so close; do you have any idea if there might be anything else going on?

Your dog sounds GORGEOUS. Pic! Pic! Pic!

its too hot to read all the replies but I think she doesnt deserve a witty and clever reply. A simple 'I'm really sorry you feel that way' is sufficient. She is the one in the wrong, you dont need to spend a moment thinking up clever messages. Just get on with the rest of your lovely life while she lives hers as a miserable cow.

Perhaps send her these...

empathy
noun [ U ] ˈem.pə.θi

The ability to share someone else's feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person's situation.

I think this calls for a simple 'click delete/block' on your fb settings. Not worthy of a response and she's not worthy of any more of your time or headspace. If you really have to send a short message saying ' We're done - it's not me, it's you.'

If she thinks you are exaggerating your sight loss and attention seeking that is because they are very clearly two of her personality traits. Otherwise why would she think so awfully!

I don't normally do passive aggressive and you should 100% avoid bringing this up on FB but a Guide Dog sponsorship (as mentioned by a pp) would be really funny. Has she got a birthday coming up?

Agree, what a charmer 😡

"Oh Edna, you really are a massive Thundercunt. Good day" then post her message on Facebook, delete and block her. People like that don't deserve to have others take the moral highground.

I'm allergic to dogs but I would make it work if a friend had a working dog, it's not remotely the same as just being around a normal dog.

My cousin has the same as you (although he has apparently been told only males can get it in our family and females are the carriers, which doesn't sound right). He was diagnosed 15 years ago and is now down to vision where he can only see one word or letter at a time . He refuses to use a stick and so far won't get a dog, although he has been offered one and it would give him a lot of freedom. I wish he would embrace having a dog like that.