'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

[ReallyRatherMiffed]

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely )

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more...

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest...

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post

My first thought as I was reading your post is that she doesn't believe you really need the dog - as if they have money and dogs enough to give them to anyone who asks for one! Maybe in her mind because you have some sight and are not totally blind the dog is unnecessary and just attention seeking? She's obviously as mad as a box of frogs or just downright unkind and selfish. Either way this friendship has obviously run its course, who needs someone like that in their lives? It's when you are having hard times in your life that you find out who your real friends are unfortunately. Don't give her another thought, the problem is hers, not yours.

Just occasionally the English language fails me. I wish there was an even stronger word than bitch etc to covey just how foul this woman has revealed herself to be. I liked your husbands response but see you have decided to go down the dignified, no contact route. You are a better person by far than me. If she had just 10 mins of the kind of sight you have on a daily basis perhaps she might realise. I don't wish harm on anyone but god there are some vile people in this world.

Whilst I can understand the people saying ignore and move on, if it was me I wouldnt feel satisfied I guess until I replied and told her how I felt, no need for a rant but a simple short message.

MatildaTheCat... I've been asking myself the SAME thing! I dunno... history I guess, the fact that once upon a time we were very close and good friends, we supported each other through other stuff and I suppose I remembered/hung onto that.

Obviously, no more!!

Sorry you weren't invited but my dog doesn't like you
This ^^ Definitely this

The woman sounds obnoxious. Guide dogs are the best and your lovely dog is part of you. Frankly, I wouldn't want anything more yo do with a person like this.

...to do...

What a bitch!!!!
Please message her what others suggested then block her number!

She's an arse. If she's asking you to choose between her and the dog though, may I suggest a simple test to determine which of them loves you more. Lock them both in a dark cupboard for an hour or two and see which one is pleased to see you when you let them out.

She's not really a friend is she. I mean a friend does not act like that. Time to just leave this friendship in the past. She's never going to change and become a wonderful supportive person so I'd message back politely but firmly ending the friendship.

LetsSpashMummy has the perfect response and then delete and block her.

What an awful excuse for a human being she is, let alone a so called friend.

Would she tell someone who had mobility issues she didn't want them using a wheelchair in her presence, or that she didn't like a deaf friends hearing aid? If not, I don't see why this is any different.

Really? You don't see how a living, breathing animal with a personality is different from a wheelchair or hearing aid?

It is different, and to be fair, I would not be happy about a dog in the house, either.

Her refusal to accept that OP is disabled and needs a guide dog is what makes Edna a horrible person.

Oh PLEASE try and show us a photo of your dog. It's really easy to attach a photo - want me to talk you through it?

Would she tell someone who had mobility issues she didn't want them using a wheelchair in her presence, or that she didn't like a deaf friends hearing aid? If not, I don't see why this is any different.

I think it is different. I'm frightened of dogs. I'm not frightened of wheelchairs or hearing aids. I do everything in my power to avoid dogs. My friends respect this and keep their dogs away from me

HOWEVER, if a good friend needed a guide dog, then I'd do everything in my power to accommodate that. Your friend can't have it both ways - keeping your dog away from her, but still wanting to come to your party when she knows the dog will be there

What a horrible person she is.

I have had something similar (wheelchair not dog though) and my advice would be block and ignore, seriously. She's so much of a twat she won't "get" anything you say anyway, and will take any cuntychops (love this!) sweary or ranty message as proof of your unreasonableness. You don't need her in your life, she has done you a favour really, although I know it hurts now and it's really unfair.

If you simply refuse to engage and block her, you definitely retain the moral high ground, you haven't lowered yourself to her level and more importantly this will irritate her even more.

I don't use Facebook so don't know if her message is public or private? If it's not public and you want to make it public before you block her (which I would). I wouldn't comment, or perhaps simply say "I have blocked you. Please don't ever contact me again".

Cuntychoppedness on this level deserves outing but not engaging with, IMHO. People should see what a massive knob she is, it doesn't need arguing with as it shows her for what she is. A dignified public silence and a private fuck you is a technique I find very useful these days. I have less friends but they are real friends. It's actually better and much healthier but it's painful to go through.

I'd be tempted never to respond to her BUT if we had any mutual friends, I'd contact them (forwarding her message) asking them for advice on what to do.

Just so they know what has happened and she can't ever say 'ReallyRather ditched me for no reason'. I had an ex-friend do to a mutual friend - completely mixing up the timeline so her actions were justified - apparently in tears. I think she genuinely believed it but no-one else did because they'd been there.

Tell your friends so they can support you then write her name on a piece of paper and throw her away!

DH tells me to just say 'guide dogs don't give out dogs in party bags, doctors don't (tend) to tell fibs & the DWP do their utmost to NOT support people with disabilities, are you sure I've managed to fool so many people?!'
^ this.
One of my regrets is not telling people exactly how I felt about their twattishness and consequently I've carried around a lot of unexpressed anger for years. So although I think silence is more dignified I don't think it's necessarily the healthiest option, and there's no point being dignified at your own expence if you don't want the friendship to continue anyway. Send your rant. Explain that guide dogs don't get given to people without a need. That she's totally unreasonable to think you can visit her without the dog, and add as many expletives as you like. Get it all; the friendship is over anyway so what have you got to lose.

I've always wished that people who question others with "invisible" disabilities had to live 24 hours exactly as that person does.

Just last week i had someone say to me "I bet your house is spotless, isn't having OCD a good thing?" She was actually a bully back in high school but we made peace last year. I managed to act light hearted about it but i really wanted to ask how, it taking 9 hours to go for a wee, and being covered in chemical burns from having to scrub myself with scrubbing brushes and neat bleach and being virtually housebound is in any way a good thing. But i don't put stuff about my illness on facebook, and i'm not going to justify my illness or how it affects me to anyone.

does the gorgeous doggy have an equally cute name?

Yes I agree.
I do think it's stubborn and petty to refuse a guide dog admittance to your home...but it takes all sorts doesn't it? Those extreme dog hating/phobic people will have to graciously accept that their guide dog owning friend won't be able to visit.

How rude, but sadly I'm not surprised. 2 of my sons are wheelchair users and some people's behaviour to them has been shocking.

Crikey...

Op, I'm afraid I think your friend Edna has some sort of serious problem. People just do not think or behave like this.

As such, I'd just remove yourself from her orbit ASAP. No one needs this kind of poison in their lives and you shouldn't have to experience it.

I wouldn't inflame the situation by swearing over text. You cannot trust someone like this not to do something really crazy, like phone your doctor and tell him you are lying or try to get your case reviewed by the DWP by claiming fraud.

I'd just message her back and say that her message was atrocious and that you do not wish to see or hear from her again, and leave it at that. She's more obviously bizarrely over-invested in your condition, and that makes me rather nervous as to why she has developed such a strong reaction to it and convinced herself you are lying.

She comes across as a whole heap of potential trouble. Just walk away.

How awful.
If I was in that situation I can't imagine I could even be bothered to dignify that with a response. I would never speak to her or contact her again. Defriend on facebook etc. Ignore.
Oh and I am going on to the Guide Dogs for the Blind website right now to donate a small sum of money because I am so disgusted by Edna.

To keep us going while we wait for op's pic. I hate the term invisible disability cause it's not visibity that's the issue it's the complete lack of empathy. And it's wrong.