'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

[ReallyRatherMiffed]

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely )

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more...

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest...

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post

Oh and definately put her rant on FB so her friends and the whole world can see how horrible she really is.

Oh my god. Edna is a cunt, that's all. I puppy walk for guide dogs and Edna makes me angry, what a bitch.

Not worth your head space!

Ex friend I hope.

She sounds horrendous.

Some friendships we hang on to through habit or the memory of what it once was rather than present reality. This may just be what you need to let go of a relationship that brings negativity to your life now. She's quite clearly an idiot.

Your dog sounds lovely, btw. I'm always amazed at how guide dogs and their owners work so well together. A neighbour volunteered to raise a puppy for our local guide dog association and we got a little insight into just how much time, commitment, hard work and money goes into taking these daft pups and turning them into service dogs. I didn't know that many pups in training don't make the grade because they have to be so perfect. We ended up adopting our second lab girl when she was 2 because she was one that didn't pass!

If she was highly allergic to the dog then fair enough I could understand her not wanting it in the house

I don't think that being allergic is really an excuse either TBH unless the person was having a particularly bad asthma episode at the time, DH is allergic to dogs but he would just take some antihistimines and plenty of inhaler in preparation for the visit and we would only allow the dog downstairs. The OP can't just take medication to put her sight right.

One of my lovely cousins has RP. I would be livid if I heard anyone say it was "attention seeking". She was diagnosed age 5 IIRC because that was when she went night-blind. Anyway. Your guide dog sounds absolutely gorgeous, OP.

Being frightened of dogs is really no excuse to avoid guide dogs. Like Pets as Therapy dogs they are actually the best dogs to interact with if you or your child have a dog phobia, because they are trained not to jump up, harass, mug people, startle easily etc. My neighbour used to be terrified of dogs but our darling old (now resting in peace) boy was a PAT dog and he was hugely helpful in getting her fear to manageable levels.

That wasn't aimed at Queen Bitch Edna but at other people who have a genuine fear of dogs.

OP you are well rid of Edna. 💐

I would text her 'I have put up with your stupidity and ignorance for eight years and enough is enough. Do not contact me again as I shall not respond'

Bloody he'll OP you've not got s friend in her!

As much as I'd like to swear all day long at her, sometimes it hits harder if you give her what for without the swear words
In well reluctantly take them out before sending to her!!
How about
Dear Edna - I am afraid it's got the a cross roads in our friendship. You cannot seem to grasp that my sight is something that I can change depending on your requirements of me. I do not ask you to leave your child at home when you visit me, she relies on you, and I rely on my dog.

If you cannot comprehend this then it's time we called it a day and you can find
Friends who are perfect good fucking luck with that one bitch and I'll find friends who can put up with my imperfections and disabilities

Oh the irony Edna - I can now "see" that you're a disablist cunt.

Dear Edna

I didn't invite you because you are a cunt.

HTH.

There you go. Perfect.

As for not liking dogs, she goes know that guide dogs are very well trained doesn't she? or doesn't she actually listen to you?

I remember last year being in a clothes shop, there were two ladies with their guide dogs (both labs) and two other family members. While they were in the shop, they were off harness and just on leads. So I was told it was ok to talk to them/pet them. All they wanted to do was nose in my bag to see if I had any food!! Had a lovely chat with the ladies and gave the dogs a pat despite them not being overly interested in me once they found out I didn't have a bag of sandwiches.

I am disabled, my disability has got worse very gradually over the years. I find that people do 'drop' you from things. Which is fine. If they don't want me as a friend because I can't do certain things anymore then I don't want to be friends with people that shallow.

A group of DP's friends go for a surfing weekend every year and he used to go with his ex. He is no longer invited as I don't surf. Well I can't surf, both because I am disabled plus I am shit at balancing on stuff. But it feels pretty unfair to cut us out of that weekend just because I can't surf. I would have been quite happy on the beach or in the shallows with DD on body boards (which I can manage).

Actually increasingly no. People are perfectly entitled not to make themselves ill in order to accommodate a dog. I spend this time of year drugged to the eyeballs because of hayfever - it makes me feel like shit. Not just a case of popping a couple of tablets, quick puff of an inhaler and off you go.

How many of your friends make you sick every time you meet them btw?

Just reply with

^ That's why. Your attitude towards me is atrocious.

And if anybody else asks just show them the message and your reply.

Job done. High ground maintained. Cunt put in box.

Barbarian it is a guide dog, not some random pet.

Sadly though allergies are unable to tell the role of a dog!

Just what I was going to say sirzy. I'm quite sure the op would have understood if severe allergies were the issue though

If my friend wanted to bring an assistance hippopotamus with her to my house then she could, because she is my friend and it's helping her.

What a bitch.

Yes i get that - it makes no difference allergy wise, unfortunately.

Of course this ^ isn't actually about allergy, OPs friend is just a cunt. But it is petf9ectly reasonable not to host any^ dog (even assistance dogs) if you have a legitimate health reason. You can even get legal exemptions from admitting assistance dogs to premises etc if you have bad allergies eg a taxi driver with dog-related asthma can get a certificate to exempt them from carrying guide dogs, which otherwise would be disability descrimination. This exemption is available because allergies are real, serious things - not just a minor irritation to be put aside from politeness.

Omg! Your "friend" is bloody mental. You don't just get given a guide dog for no good reason. I was terrified of dogs when young. Then my best friend got a guide dog (who obviously accompanied him every time we met). I very quickly overcame my fear of dogs!!

Bid her farewell and move on.
Btw....I wish some posters wouldn't use the word 'cunt' as a term of abuse.

Well you have many good suggestions! You sound like a lovely person and don't need someone so negative in your life.

What's that saying on MN- you can't argue with batshit crazy?
Unfriend, block, forget. Don't waste another thought on this email evil cow.

My contribution to the possible retort collection OP;

"My disability is manageable with the help of my guide dog, I am very fortunate to have him working for me. You, however, will be permanently afflicted by your stupidity so I have decided to rinse you out of my life like the disablist gutter snipe you are. Good luck in your search for intelligent life, you'll need it!"

Actually increasingly no. People are perfectly entitled not to make themselves ill in order to accommodate a dog. I spend this time of year drugged to the eyeballs because of hayfever - it makes me feel like shit. Not just a case of popping a couple of tablets, quick puff of an inhaler and off you go

It's not 'accommodating a dog' , it's a life aid to someone with a disability.

Of course if their are genuine severe allergies to dogs then you can't.

I don't think that the incidence of that is high though. My local taxi rank is full of drivers who refuse to take guide dogs. Hating dogs is not a good reason.

Nancy91 have you ever seen a hippo poo? I think if I had a friend with an assistance hippo I might be inclined to mostly meet her outdoors, they poo like a machine gun and scatter it everywhere. Although, now that I think about it, it would probably be trained to poo on command like a guide dog is, so perhaps it would be ok indoors.