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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

giving a 15yo alcohol?

141 replies

user1494161156 · 20/06/2017 08:47

I hosted a big family gathering recently, and at dinner I gave my 15 year old niece one glass of white wine. An in-law was absolutely shocked by this and told me off after my niece had left. She basically said it amounted to child-abuse. My niece's parents weren't there and admittedly I didn't ask their permission to give her wine, but they are sensible people and I'm sure they wouldn't object.

I'm really astonished that anybody would think that giving a 15 year old a very small amount of alcohol, with food, while at home surrounded by older family members, was dangerous. I think it's much safer for kids to learn to drink sensibly and enjoy alcohol for the taste, rather than getting dangerously smashed on cheap vodka for the sake of it as soon as they turn 18.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Phosphorus · 20/06/2017 08:51

I'd have checked with the parents.

A glass of 13% ABV would be quite a hit for someone unused to alcohol.

A European low alcohol table wine would be a different matter, but at 15, the parent's opinion still matters.

Were you tryingbto impress your niece with your lax approach to alcohol?

IHaveBrilloHair · 20/06/2017 08:53

I let my 15yr old have a drink if she wants, she really isn't that interested.
YANBU

NicolasFlamel · 20/06/2017 08:53

I agree with your views on alcohol but parents should always be allowed to make that choice. I would have checked with her mum and dad.

SoupDragon · 20/06/2017 08:55

I wouldn't mind my 15 yr old having a glass of wine but I wouldn't give it to someone else's child without asking their parents and I would even be particularly impressed at someone giving it to mine without checking first (even though I am OK with it).

Kidssendingmenuts · 20/06/2017 08:55

If it was my child I would allow it, but you were completely out of order to give someone else's child alcohol without permission, whether you feel they would be okay with it or not it's not your decision to make.

Chocolatecake12 · 20/06/2017 08:55

You should have checked with her parents first but other than that I agree that's its ok for a 15 year old to have a small glass of wine/cider while with family at a party or dinner.
If they are comfortable with knowing what they like to drink and have been taught to drink sensibly then it takes away the mystery of it once they reach 18 and can go off and drink whatever they like when they like!

moutonfou · 20/06/2017 08:57

If the parents are family and you know what their attitude would be, I think it's fair enough not to have asked. Although do agree with another poster that wine is pretty strong to start with. I'm in my late twenties and only need one glass of wine to get tipsy!

Dulra · 20/06/2017 08:57

Well I would have been fuming. It is not your decision to make whether this child should or shouldn't drink alcohol at 15. It is her parents decision she is still underage and a minor. You should have checked with her parents and if that was not possible not have given her any.

SilenceOfThePrams · 20/06/2017 08:58

Not illegal. Not abuse. Not going to damage her and would be exactly my approach too - small quantities in a home environment so it doesn't become an exciting forbidden fruit.

But, I'd've checked with a parent first.

Roomster101 · 20/06/2017 09:00

It's not child abuse but you certainly should have asked the parents first. Some wouldn't mind but some would and it is their choice for a child aged 15.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 20/06/2017 09:00

I really don't think it's a big deal, it's only one glass. In theory, yes you probably should have checked with her parents but I probably wouldn't have thought to ask them at the time either.

luckylucky24 · 20/06/2017 09:00

I think it would have been sensible to ask the parents but I don't think that it was dangerous in any way.

caffeinestream · 20/06/2017 09:02

No big deal for a 15yo to try it, but you should have checked with her parents first.

BertrandRussell · 20/06/2017 09:06

One of the worst Mumsnet roastings I've ever had was when ds's friend was round when they were 10. I was cooking and he asked what the wine tasted like so I put a drop on a spoon for him to taste, as I would have done for my own children-then panicked and asked about it on here. The number of people who said their child would never be allowed to come round again.......

I wouldn't have given a 15 year old a whole glass, OP. A half glass maybe-but only if I knew them and their parents well. Like if it was my niece.

stevie69 · 20/06/2017 09:06

OP, I completely agree with your thought process. From the age of around 13/14, I was given a weak G & T with my Sunday dinner. The fact that I could drink legitimately took away the thrill of drinking illicitly, I guess. I have never had a problem with alcohol; in fact it became so meaningless that I've been TT for as long as I can remember.

I don't have children but do appreciate the general consensus that perhaps you should have checked first.

It's no big deal so don't dwell on it. I completely see where you were coming form.

S xxxx

Madbum · 20/06/2017 09:10

Not a problem imo but it's respectful to ask the parents first.

DearMrDilkington · 20/06/2017 09:10

I agree with you but you should have checked with parents first.

stevie69 · 20/06/2017 09:11

from. Typo. Sorry.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 20/06/2017 09:12

Wouldn't bother me. I have let DS drink wine with a meal since he was young (topped off with lemonade to start with, but from about 12, a small glass on its own) and then cider or beer occasionally when he fancies it from about 14. He is 17 now and rarely has a drink at all, he knows what he likes and has declared spirits gross so I know he is unlikely to start necking cheap vodka in the park. It is the way I was brought up and I never went through the binge drinking phase either.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 20/06/2017 09:12

Agree with the others

Should have asked the parents permission

ShapelyBingoWing · 20/06/2017 09:13

YANBU as such but you definitely should have OKd it with her parents. That's not something other people should be making decisions about.

Huldra · 20/06/2017 09:13

If the parents are ok I think it's fine. Maybe better to make a spritzer of bucks fizz but really I don't see a problem, particuarly when drunk with food.

I allow my 15 year son fizzy wine or beer for special or social occasions. He's not bothered unless there's a little bit of showing off involved amongst cousins and friends.

NC4now · 20/06/2017 09:15

I let my 15 year old have a small beer (eg Sol) at a BBQ. No biggie. I'd like to be asked though as I think it's borderline.
Also wine is pretty strong. I don't think it's terrible but I think you should always check when it's someone else's kid.

Steeley113 · 20/06/2017 09:16

No one else spend their teens passed out in a field drunk off cheap cider and vodka then? Just me? a glass of wine for a 15 year old is fine. I'd of probably asked the parents first but as you're family I'd assume you know the parents well enough to make a judgement on if they'd agree or not.

Huldra · 20/06/2017 09:17

Me too Steeley

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