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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

giving a 15yo alcohol?

141 replies

user1494161156 · 20/06/2017 08:47

I hosted a big family gathering recently, and at dinner I gave my 15 year old niece one glass of white wine. An in-law was absolutely shocked by this and told me off after my niece had left. She basically said it amounted to child-abuse. My niece's parents weren't there and admittedly I didn't ask their permission to give her wine, but they are sensible people and I'm sure they wouldn't object.

I'm really astonished that anybody would think that giving a 15 year old a very small amount of alcohol, with food, while at home surrounded by older family members, was dangerous. I think it's much safer for kids to learn to drink sensibly and enjoy alcohol for the taste, rather than getting dangerously smashed on cheap vodka for the sake of it as soon as they turn 18.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Scottishchick39 · 20/06/2017 09:18

I have a fifteen year old and at family parties and new year I allow my daughter to have a couple of wkd's. At her age I was in the park with my mates drinking strong cider so I'd rather she was at home with me drinking. I don't give her wine for the simple reason that she wouldn't like it.

Last Christmas she was allowed to have some Lambrini so I gave her a glass from the bottle that I found in the fridge. She didn't like it so I added a splash of lemonade and she still didn't like it so gave it to my granny. A wee while later my husband asked who was drinking his home made wine. Turns out he had put the homemade stuff in a Lambrini bottle Shock , thank god she didn't drink it as my granny was very tipsy with just the one glass she had. He now labels his home made wine Blush

Biker47 · 20/06/2017 09:19

My dad used to get me a few cans of lager every few weekends to drink in my mates houses when I was 15 so I really don't see the problem.

Argeles · 20/06/2017 09:20

I used to be allowed a little wine spritzer from a very young age once per week with my Sunday dinner, and on special occasions.

When I was a little older, the spritzer became a small glass of wine.

When I was a teenager, my friends were constantly desperate to get their hands on alcohol, and to get drunk (they hadn't consumed alcohol before). They also wanted to drink spirits rather than wine or beer.

I found it all a really tedious experience, and would regularly cancel going out with them to stay in and drink a glass of wine with my meal and family.

Consuming alcohol in moderation from a young age has not affected my development, as some people think it may. I have a postgraduate qualification, and I'm currently studying again at University. I'm also above average height, and do not smoke.

cdtaylornats · 20/06/2017 09:35

At a big family gathering and assuming other teenagers were there and having wine it seems unfair to single her out because nobody signed permission slips. Her not being able to have a glass of wine might well have resulted in her being teased by the others.

Trying one glass of wine in a safe setting does not seem bad.

NC4 Wine while being stronger than beer by about 2 times is served in smaller volumes - a glass of wine is about as strong as a half pint of beer.

PinkPeppers · 20/06/2017 09:38

You could try and offer a glass of wine to my teens wo taking any risk. They've both tired some on numerous occasions and hate the stuff Grin
But if they had liked it, I would have had no issue with it. A REAL small glass with a meal surrounded with family is the best way to introduce alcohol. Much better than waiting another year and leaving them to get drunk at parties wo any surpervision.....

Var1234 · 20/06/2017 09:41

I'd be unhappy with you, if the DC was my 15 year old. You should have asked. You had enough information from the behaviour of the other adults around you to know that your actions were questionable. You should have stopped and asked.

claraschu · 20/06/2017 09:47

I have three kids (22, 20,15). They have gone to a variety of state and private schools about an hour from London.

There was alcohol at ALL the parties that all of them went to starting at age 13 or 14 (I am not talking about small "gatherings" of 10 friends or fewer, but mixed parties of 15 or more teens year 10 and above). One of my kids never drank at all. Two of them drank a bit, and drank too much on a couple of occasions.

Anyone who thinks that 15 year olds are going to large teen parties and not having the opportunity to drink is deluding themselves, in my opinion. I am not saying that all teens drink, but they all have the option at this age, if they socialise in large groups of kids from mainstream schools.

Nameynamechangeforthis · 20/06/2017 09:49

It seems an accepted wisdom that having alcohol from a young age takes away the allure of alcohol but it didn't work for me.

I had a small glaas of wine with sunday dinner from a young age and still used to get pissed in the park with my mates on cheap spirits in my teens and bing drank all through my 20's. I think it just made me view it that a special occasion required alcohol.

corythatwas · 20/06/2017 09:51

I know perfectly well that my ds went to parties with alcohol at that time. But then I knew about it and we had discussions beforehand about our expectations. So that was still in a sense within my control. And I am sure there were other parents who did not allow their children to go.
Absolutely their decisions.

I would have asked first.

Mulledwine1 · 20/06/2017 09:54

My 14 year old has had sips of my wine on a very few occasions (and of a Buck's Fizz, which is probably worse, as it just tastes of fizzy orange, the alcohol taste is masked).

He doesn't get a glass of his own though.

Buck3t · 20/06/2017 09:57

It depends on the relationship with their parents. As it's your neice I assume you know what they would allow. In which case it's perfectly fine. If one of my siblings felt they had to ask me first, I'd worry about our relationship.

justkeepswimmingg · 20/06/2017 10:00

I agree with you OP. And it's the same approach il be taking with my DC when they're older. However you should have asked her parents, as not everyone shares the same view. Maybe give them a call today to discuss it before it comes an exaggerated rumour from the other family members.

Clalpolly · 20/06/2017 10:10

Check with parents. Water it down if they say yes. Don't assume it is ok.

mummc2 · 20/06/2017 10:25

I think if it's your niece you know where her parents stand on her having some wine so don't think you needed to ring and specifically ask , fair enough if it was a daughters friend or similar.
We are relaxed and honest about alcohol in our house and it means dd is not desperate to go out and drink behind our backs! ( believe me she may only be 12 but some of her friends have been to parties/sleepovers where alcohol is being openly consumed!!! Crazy )

Pinkheart5912 · 20/06/2017 10:29

You gave a child that isn't yours alcohol without having spoken to her parents, umm yes you were unreasonable how. That was wrong not your child and it isn't up to you.

I've no problem with a 15 year old having a small glass of alcohol but you do not give other people's children alcohol unless you've spoken to them previously

Clalpolly · 20/06/2017 10:31

12 year olds having alcohol. Not a good idea. Still very much a developing brain.

And at bloody sleepovers! Pass me the bloody smelling salts.

HildaOg · 20/06/2017 10:32

I would be very angry if someone took it upon themselves to give my underage kid alcohol. That's not your place.

LittleLionMansMummy · 20/06/2017 10:36

I was given it at special occasions growing up. Having said that, my parents' attitude to alcohol has probably been too lax over the years and caused some issues (dad especially and one ds is I would say has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol). But I don't have a problem with it and would view it as fairly normal if the parents agreed. You should have sought their permission though...

LittleLionMansMummy · 20/06/2017 10:37

That's dsis not ds!

endelessworries · 20/06/2017 10:39

Let me guess... you're from UK ok?
This country has a drinking problem jeeez

DonaldTrumpsTrump · 20/06/2017 10:42

Another one here who used to drink the odd small glass of cider with my parents when I was growing up. Now I barely drink any alcohol as it doesn't interest me, I'd rather a nice cup of tea or a cold can of coke.

HairsprayBabe · 20/06/2017 10:45

I detest the whole she is 15 she is a child mentality on here, she isn't a baby one glass of wine won't kill her.

15 year olds should be able to make their own choices regarding drink in safe family settings like this.

I would have felt totally humiliated at 15 to be referred to as a child.

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/06/2017 10:46

I think it's much safer for kids to learn to drink sensibly

Why do they have to learn to drink alcohol at all?

Abra1d · 20/06/2017 10:48

this is one of those reactions I only ever read about on MN and have never come across in real life.

Clalpolly · 20/06/2017 10:51

Why is "check with the parents first" suddenly "I'm a controlling puritan"?
Odd.