Am I being a terrible snob?

[GirlOnATrainToShite]

SMIL and FIL coming to stay for week soon which is an annual event. They are in all lovely and no trouble apart from the fact they watch every single soap going .

I admit I am not great with guests and I struggle having people in my space for long periods. We are also a large blended family so the house will be full (not relevant).

SMIL is a lovely northern lady who lives in an area where everyone is in and out of each other's houses, everyone knows that each other and it's a small area we live down south in a big area and very much keep to ourselves - we know most of our neighbours and are friendly but that's about it. I hate people turning up "unannounced".

We have no front garden (Victorian semi) just a very narrow path at the front of the house and a low wall dividing it from the pavement.

We do however have a (small) back garden which gets plenty of sun.

SMIL insists on taking a dining room chair and sitting on the front "path" and resting her legs on the wall with the front door wide open saying hello to anyone who walks past.

I know there are bigger things going on right now but AIBU to really hate her doing this as it's seems a bit "common" and prefer her to use the back which is private? I know she's not hurting anyone but I hate having my front door wide open (I will be at work some of the time). I need to chill out don't I?

And I actually thought last summer how nice it would be to sit in front of my house watching the kids play and the world go by but it doesn't seem to be the "done thing". (Live in a cul de sac of detached houses, all have small front lawns but no hedges/borders so the lawn just sloped to the roadside)

Am in the North and loads of my neighbours have spend the last couple of weeks hanging out on their front doorsteps all evening. They chat to anyone walking by and yell across to each other. Despite being Northern myself I do not do this, but they think I'm slightly up my own arse anyway because I didn't join in the fight against the next street the other Boxing Day (I wish I was making this up!). I don't think less of them for sitting out though! Other things, maybe, but not that...

I don't think it people will see it as common. They will just think 'bless' the 'old dear' is lonely.

Falange when the OP takes the piss out of herself in a tounge in cheek manner in the OP there really is no need to come in so serious and heavy - not exactly life and death is it? Lighten up maybe?

I cannot "watch the kids play out" this would involving watching kids play on the road.

OP I think the hot weather has got everyone short tempered and bothered.

I took your OP to be a tiny bit tongue in cheek.

But tbh your SMIL sounds a GAS. Really lovely! And you say she is.
She could be a right pita ( just read mumsnet )

Go with it! Embrace it!
Trot outside with 2 G&T s or cups of tea. Or whatever.
Sit on your little wall!
When life gives you lemons .......etc etc

I get you OP I don't think you were making any sort of real big deal but I think you should try to enjoy her. She's great.

Maybe provide her with a different chair. I wouldn't want my dinning chairs out. But one from the garden furniture......

my neighbour just stands outside his door never sits-quite unnrving i think but i spose hes not hurting anyone

I drove down an unfamiliar street today and there were two houses where people were sitting on dining chairs in the front garden. These houses all have back gardens.

I think it's the chair type that's the issue, if they were sitting on garden loungers I wouldn't bat an eyelid

'Not done in polite society' 'common' 'unacceptable' ?
Into what century have we regressed? Where is this polite society of which you speak? I need to know in order to avoid it!
I think I can hear sepulchral sniggers from GBS.

Leave SMIL alone, it's only an annual week after all!
Is there a point I've missed about the open front door? I'm serious because if you're at work you may be concerned that a cat could get in or that it could attract an opportunist thief.

My garden is enormous and wraps around the house, which is set right back from the road, so nobody can see me if I sit at the front (on any kind of chair).

I can only afford a garden like this because I live in the north.

''Tis glorious, yet lonely, as I sit here in my leopard print and mules...

Oh God, I sit out the front of my large 4 bed detached on a desirable estate. I have a whippet (cross), am not northern, don't use a dining chair, but I am common! I don't care though because my back garden has no sun. I also say hello to anyone who passes. I'll buy myself a pinny and some clogs asap. Forgot to mention I'm in Wales so probably as bad as being northern.

I bring out pouffe, floor cushions etc and sit on them in front garden - I don't think it matters what you sit on. It's really is fun, I'm not the social type but I do like sitting as can watch My 4 year old. Also I don't think it would be a problem if people sat on a chair on pavement, it's nice and builds community relations

Yes OP, you are a snob.

Let your MIL sit out front and be adorable and charm the neighbours for you.

And yes YABVVVVU, to expect somebody else to conform to your social rules, calling you SMIL sitting at front door as common or unsophisticated. Rather your social expectations and manners are backward

Seriously, is this all you've got to worry about?

spiney yes you are exactly right but this is Mumsnet and every single subject/post has to involve people getting on soap boxes about the state of society and making a more pointed and vicious remark than all the other posters.

My SMIL is lovely and am pretty sure they think I am too - otherwise they wouldn't look forward to their visit so much.

The truth is (and nothing to do with being Southern or Northern) OH and I came from too completely different backgrounds which don't gel that well sometimes.

They think my family are very posh (I am not saying I am) and I find some of their ways a bit unsophisticated- I think it's okay to say that in a world gone mad the political correctness.

*two

And seriously are people now trotting out "is that all you have to worry about"

It's a valid question.

I think this is something that happened in the 50,s & 60,s but isn't acceptable in this day and age,
Times change and the next generation are not tolerant of the past generations behaviour
Take for example smoking, it was cool and sophisticated to smoke in that era but in our generation it's not cool or sophisticated and it's seen as disgusting but back then it wasn't
Times change, views change, even the diet is so different to the 60,s
Back then egg & chips was a favourite but god forbid we should fry anything these days
It's healthy eating baked not fried
Oven chips,pasta and rice are the staple diet of today.
Marketing,media and technology have transformed our ways of thinking

Well my reply would be if you have bigger things to worry about than reading this thread then get the fuck off Mumsnet.

HTH

People will do anything for a fight on here

Agreed OP.

I feel exactly the same about sitting out the front as you.

I've only ever seen it done in rough areas and would hate it. I can't really justify it and I can see how people would find my use of the word 'rough' to describe an area offensive, but it's my opinion. I can't help that.

Your MIL sounds lovely but there's no way I'd have anyone sitting in my front garden when I had a perfectly good back garden to sit in. I say no way, but I suppose I'd possibly allow it if I didn't know any of the neighbours personally and if I wasn't there too. I'd hate to offend such a sweet lady - that would be my dilemma!

But I don't think you're being unreasonable in the slightest by finding it awkward :)

We regularly sit out the front, sometimes having a picnic (no grass in the tiny back garden) and say hello to passers-by (only a path outside, no road). They often give us bemused looks, but usually say something cheerful back (I'm a lifelong southerner, by the way).

If you had wrote

"My MIL is visiting for a week. Usually when she visits she sits on the front path rather than the back garden (we have no front garden). It's a narrow path and although she is friendly to the neighbours I think it is probably inconvenient for them to get past.

Also she uses my good dining chair, I would rather it wasn't taken outside.

Aibu to ask her to sit in the back garden? I don't want her to feel unwelcome. "

I would have agreed with you. Talking about snobs, north/south and offending neighbours is unreasonable.

How the hell is 'that all you have to worry about?' a valid question to ask an adult?

If you had wrote

Written - if I had written.