Am I being a terrible snob?

[GirlOnATrainToShite]

SMIL and FIL coming to stay for week soon which is an annual event. They are in all lovely and no trouble apart from the fact they watch every single soap going .

I admit I am not great with guests and I struggle having people in my space for long periods. We are also a large blended family so the house will be full (not relevant).

SMIL is a lovely northern lady who lives in an area where everyone is in and out of each other's houses, everyone knows that each other and it's a small area we live down south in a big area and very much keep to ourselves - we know most of our neighbours and are friendly but that's about it. I hate people turning up "unannounced".

We have no front garden (Victorian semi) just a very narrow path at the front of the house and a low wall dividing it from the pavement.

We do however have a (small) back garden which gets plenty of sun.

SMIL insists on taking a dining room chair and sitting on the front "path" and resting her legs on the wall with the front door wide open saying hello to anyone who walks past.

I know there are bigger things going on right now but AIBU to really hate her doing this as it's seems a bit "common" and prefer her to use the back which is private? I know she's not hurting anyone but I hate having my front door wide open (I will be at work some of the time). I need to chill out don't I?

[Totallybonkersmum]

I expect Suki the dog that many of your DH's southern habits have rubbed off onto you, metaphorically speaking. This has probably happened occurred to you without your even realising.
My DF is a Northener and there is no way on earth people actually realise that. My DM has slyly & totally indoctrinated him over the years, poor man.
Even I admit my DM is an extreme and totally annoying snob. She listens to the Queens Speech every Christmas and listens to it on replay, enunciating every word and syllable! She has made it clear that not even I'm good enough and an embarrassing disappointment. Needless to say we are now completely estranged. I'm happy with the way I am, and so are my family and friends.
I find the rest of my DH's Northern habits endearing, as he does with my Southern accent.
I get the odd message from my DF but DM doesn't know. I hate the way she treats him, she's such an extreme snob. I know my father goes back up North quite often to seek some calming sanctuary (I don't blame him!) and visits his various old friends and brothers up there.
Ironically, my DH is a Northener and whilst I've kindly taught him to kindly keep his mouth closed whilst eating, I definitely wouldn't submit him to the very derisive manner my DM treats my DF. I just don't enjoy seeing DH's half chewed up food in his mouth being maserated enough toswallow. Even more so if he's talking too! That's my only bugbear, so good enough for us.
I even lived up North temporarily. That was because I was starting to talk like a Northener and my DM couldn't get me back down South fast enough!
I think people should live like they want to, so long as it's within reason. If the DMIL is sat outside making conversation with passers by, it's up to them if they wish to engage in her conversation. I expect there are some lonely people out there that actually enjoy it. It must be the worst thing in the world to be alone, maybe widowed, maybe living alone... That's what I teach my children; that sadly there are many lonely people out there. It probably makes their day to have a conversation...🤔

[nomorefrizz]

I think this is probably as much about class as northern-ness. Just leave her to it- might give you some street cred.

[TheWernethWife]

We're up north, have just moved into a bungalow. Bought myself a nice garden bench and have it out on the front under the bay window. Have a cup of tea in the morning out there and chat to the dog walkers heading for the park. Also sit out after dinner with a glass of wine. Would love a whippet but my cats said no.

[elizabethleicester]

Unless they are doing what I just saw a man doing on my way home, there is not a problem. I drove past a house and an elderly man was in his front garden wearing nothing other than a pair of very baggy, falling down y-fronts.

I don't think I want any lunch now.

[Alfieisnoisy]

Southerner here....all my neighbours do this...well many of them,

I am in a cul de sac and it's all housing association, loads of people go in and out of each other's houses. I don't but that's because I am not around as much as some of the others.

The women mostly congregate because most of the men are at work but they all go out there at the weekend and on sunny evenings.

Me? I don't really mind too much, have been joined them now and then for a glass of wine or a beer. I also sleep like a log so don't hear any noise.

[Lillithxxx]

How lovely! A person who wants to engage with the world. Quite fancy taking this up myself.

[HappyFlappy]

We sit in the back

Perverts1

[ChickyChickyChoccy]

I would ask her to use a garden chair and shut the front door as a compromise then you can pretend she is a complete stranger who is camping out in your garden!
For an added touch you could put a large sign on the door behind her which says 'GONE AWAY'

[OCDmummy123]

She sounds lovely, let her get on with it. You might get to know some of your neighbours

[jwpetal]

i dream of having a bench in the front of the house. Where I live in the States, everyone has front porches and tables to sit at. Last Christmas, we are in the desert, our whole street was out and the kids were playing. It was wonderful. My husband is British and does not want me to do it, but my kids love playing in the front and on the street. Don't be embarrassed by anyone who does this. they are sociable and wanting to connect with people and the wider community. Better than sitting in a hot house, alone are just staring at the TV.

[manicmij]

Does she obstruct the path? If so could use that to encourage her to the back garden. And, if she is wearing traditional front garden sitting attire ie slippers,wraparound apron, curlers showing under a scarf then everyone will know they have a Northerner in their midst and she will become a local point of interest. It's only for a week so leave her to it.

[SapphireStrange]

YABU and yes, a snob.

[MsMims]

I wouldn't like it because it makes me think those that do are nosy, who don't want to miss anything.

I prefer neighbours who are friendly but politely distant

[SukiTheDog]

TotallyBonkers. I'm a true Northerner. I've no difficulties holding my knife and fork, thanks. Queens English? 😕 I have a southerner for a DH who does speak what you might consider the Queens English but his brother is broad Reading. Must check out his appropriate use of cutlery next time he's up North.

[Clalpolly]

I'm a lovely northerner and no one I know does this. I will smile at old ladies I pass in the street and say hello. That's about it.
She's not hurting anyone but I'd be a bit annoyed at someone doing this on MY TERRITORY.

[BarbaraofSeville]

They're probably talking about the weirdos who hide in the back garden Romany .

[MITCHELL33]

Did she pack a donkey stone ? As could have given your step the once over!

[romany4]

I live up North and every single one of my neighbours sit in their front garden. I always think it's because they are afraid they might miss something to gossip about.
I'm a Southerner and DH is Irish. We sit in the back

[Beeziekn33ze]

Suki - glad it was tongue in cheek, not nose in air!
As long as only buns are thrown 😉

[Totallybonkersmum]

I guess she's making a large number of people laugh (at her on the quiet). They won't think any the lesser of you. In fact they probably feel sympathetic for you having to put up such common people. The type who eat with their knives and fork the wrong way around and can't talk the Queen's English.
Don't worry. Just make sure you have a stiff G&T (or more) for medicinal reasons of course. Then announce that you need an early night because of some important whatever is happening the next day for you. Then escape upstairs, have a nice warm bath, then get into bed with a nice book to unwind you.
I must admit my FIL comes up ever Christmas for a very extended time. I guess it won't be long before he finally moves in😱. As it is, I spend elongated periods of time alone in my bedroom for the same reason, although he hogs my husband and the TV. He watches motor racing which to me, sounds worse than nails on a chalkboard.
In fact I just stay up here now. It's quieter and I can watch what I like, when I like. At least I'm prepared for when he does move in. I also read an awful lot, using an iPad. I have an
brilliant online magazine subscription where I can choose which magazine I fancy reading. It's either that or the tv, although I'm not a fan of daytime tv tbh.
I've also got a marvellous bed which moves positions like a hospital bed. With an air mattress. Perfect. Anyone else can sod off my perfect existence.😊

[cheval]

We used to hang out in front garden. I'm one of the few that hasn't turned it into a driveway. Used to play all sorts of games out there with kids. Hope she has a good time out there.

[LightDrizzle]

I live in a proper, gritty northern city and this is rare these days. One or two of the old ladies occasionally did it in the village I grew up in and it was lovely looking back. It meant they got a word and a chat from everyone passing by, instead of being alone inside. I've seen younger people do it in Scarborough outside terraced houses with no outside space.

The place I've seen this most it rural Spain. Again I think it is great for the same reason, I've seen both sexes do it. People stop and pass the time of day. A friend of mine comes from a fairly poor city in Andalusia. I visited in summer and of course it was really hot, we'd go out for a walk at around midnight and there were lots of people of all ages enjoying the relatively cool air. Her parents lived in a block of flats so no sitting on the doorstep, instead the ladies actually put trestle tables out on the street and got on with their crocheting and chatting! There were teenagers drinking alcohol out of litre bottles around the place but the whole environment was just so unthreatening because everyone's nan, uncle, auntie might be around the next corner. My friend and I made slow progress as as people spotted "Flora and Paco's girl" and wanted to hear what she was up to.

I bet people are charmed by your MIL!

[AvaCrowder2]

Your neighbours would think she was an artist if you put an Eames original out and she could sit in her leopard print.

Or EF Benson style, put an easel it so it looks as if she is taking a break from her 'daubs'.

Or put an old Electrolux fridge out front filled with cider, maice and rets.

I love sitting on a sunny doorstep having a coffee and cigarette in the morning.

[Maireadplastic]

Or a classic Ercol

[Maireadplastic]

I don't really understand the chair side of things. I think a lovely dark wood antique chair would look rather nice out there.