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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
mashpot · 19/06/2017 18:28

I can hardly believe that anyone thinks this way - it's not ok to stay in a cafe with a screaming 2 yo just because it's hot outside. You should have found shade or gone home- anything but stay! I really can't get over such selfish behaviour and it bothers me because it gives families a bad name. I can understand why cafes ban children reading this.

mummabubs · 19/06/2017 18:29

Have to say I'm on the YABU side here. I'm expecting my first child in a few months time and would definitely remove my child if it got to the level that you've described. I know it's not fun for anyone but when you have multiple other people who were clearly inconvenienced by this it only seems fair to do what others have suggested and take it in turns to pop out with them. I've had to do this with my nieces in the past and equally I've been in the customer position of having a meal out tarnished by children screaming whilst the parents chose to sit and do nothing about it.

Also as others have said you've asked if you were being unreasonable and the general consensus seems to be yes! If you didn't want to hear that then I'm sorry.

VerityHabitat · 19/06/2017 18:29

YABVU. How ridiculous to inflict a screaming toddler on everyone.

I would have left as well.

PotteringAlong · 19/06/2017 18:30

it was loud enough and long enough that people left, people said something to you and the waiter apologised to people as they came in? You were not quick and you were not considerate at all.

RainbowPastel · 19/06/2017 18:30

YWBVU you should have taken him outside. People were obviously there to have a nice time but you spoilt that with your selfish attitude.

waitforitfdear · 19/06/2017 18:30

You were both totally silly to take toddlers anywhere today apart from your garden, the local park or woods with a picnic.

Your days of leisurely lunches are over for a while with toddlers in tow and it's your responsibility to ensure you don't inflict your children's noise and crying on the rest of the population where avoidable.

You were selfish and daft and everyone is telling you this but again we all make mistakes.

Just don't repeat it.

EdmundCleverClogs · 19/06/2017 18:30

It's attitudes like the OP that leads to more places 'banning' young children completely and generally gives parents a bad name. I really hope this is either a reverse or the heat also fried your brain today, op. What an utterly selfish way to behave.

Floggingmolly · 19/06/2017 18:30

So, three people made their displeasure at the noise known to you, but you now claim he was about to doze off and was disturbed by the waiter? Confused. So he wasn't too hot, just pissed off at the sound of plates being dispatched to tables (in a cafe, of all places!)
You're tying yourself up in knots in a desperate bid to appear reasonable - but YOU WEREN'T.

UnicornSparkles1 · 19/06/2017 18:30

You were being extremely unreasonable. I can't believe you just sat there with your screaming kid while people walked out over the racket!

You should have left and found shade. Or sat in your car with the ac on.

moggle · 19/06/2017 18:30

I get that it was too hot outside but why should your wishes trump other people in the cafe's wishes to eat a pleasant meal in relative peace? We've all been there but you have to take the screaming child out; you just do. I do feel sorry for you but I feel more sorry for the couple who left without eating any of their meal. I think you were very lucky you weren't asked to leave.

ShapelyBingoWing · 19/06/2017 18:31

I'm mortified for you. I can't imagine where you might have been where this cafe was the only available shade. There were 2 adults and you were very obviously losing the cafe some business as well as giving several people headaches because by your own admission it was quite an echoey place to be. That puts them in the awful position of having to watch customers walk out of the door or ask you to do the decent thing and remove him, which may have looked very family unfriendly and ended up with you practicing your Daily Mail sad face. You should have taken him elsewhere.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 19/06/2017 18:31

How long was this going on for? Presumably quite some time given the reaction of other customers. Fair enough if it was five minutes - if it was much longer than that yes you should absolutely have taken him out found somewhere shady and given him a cool drink etc. YWBVU

putdownyourphone · 19/06/2017 18:32

I mean, everyone's said it, but you really can't expect people to sit there and listen to a toddler kicking off with the parents seemingly not trying to do anything about it. If your other child was eating then just one of you should have taken DS out and either distracted him or tried to get him to sleep. You could have taken him into some shade outside. Kids kicking off is inevitable and people are generally understanding if the parents are doing their best to stop it and appreciating that there are others around.

MacarenaFerreiro · 19/06/2017 18:33

The thing is as well that if you take a child outside, you move around with them. The five seconds of racket as a toddler screams past is a completely different ballgame to being stuck in a confined space with one.

SapphireStrange · 19/06/2017 18:33

He would have sounded much less noisy outside than in a tea room where the noise was 'magnified and echoing'.

And, with two parents there, you can do relays.

YABU.

Giraffey1 · 19/06/2017 18:33

I wouldn't take my dogs out in the hot weather we've had today - I can't understand why you woul think it was a good idea to take your children out to somewhere like this! And I'm afraid I do feel that you were being unreasonable and if I'd been in the cafe I'd have been annoyed too. Sorry. I agree with others who say you should have taken it in turns.

Justmuddlingalong · 19/06/2017 18:34

You're not sure what people expected you to do? Honestly?

chanel19 · 19/06/2017 18:34

I think op gets it now.Hmm
You should have taken him out, but l totally understand that (under pressure)- you probably didn't make the most rational choice.
If you haven't already got the message, just leave the thread now!
I can see this being a 20 pager!Grin

JigglyTuff · 19/06/2017 18:34

If your child was becoming cranky because of the heat, you should have put him in the car and taken him home. Not ruined everyone else's day. And blaming the waiter for waking him up by clattering plates! Shock

IDontLoveGlitterGlitterLovesMe · 19/06/2017 18:34

YWVVVVVVVU.

People had to leave their food because of you.

Why aren't you ashamed of your behaviour?

BendydickCuminsnatch · 19/06/2017 18:34

Sounds like an absolute nightmare plan, whose genius idea was it to drag 2 preschoolers round a NT place on a boiling hot day? Don't you remember NT places being the most boring thing to have to endure as a child? Even in a reasonable weather!

Anyway, that's not the point. I would have removed DS, got DH to get the food to take away, and get in the air conditioned car and gone home.

Salmotrutta · 19/06/2017 18:34

YABU - and you must know it.

Nobody could be that self-absorbed, surely?

thereallochnessmonster · 19/06/2017 18:34

YABVVVU. Surely every NT place is equipped with big shady trees you could have taken DS to nap under???

Original poster
OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:35

Ok fair enough. I'll do it differently next time. It went on for about 20 minutes but he did settle after that.

OP posts:
Purplepeonies · 19/06/2017 18:35

Repeating what others have said here but I can't believe for a second that there was no shade whatsoever outside. I can imagine you were stressed with a hot, screaming toddler but I have to agree that if it were me I would have taken him away from the cafe, sorry!