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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
rolopolovolo · 19/06/2017 18:42

Why were you there in the first place?

If your child is so fucking PFB that he can't survive in a bit of heat, even under a shady tree and apparently you can't drive in a car with the window open like everyone else, maybe you should leave his majesty at home instead of inflicting him on the rest of us?

PLEASE JUST STAY AT HOME

Xmasbaby11 · 19/06/2017 18:42

Tbh the day out was always going go end badly if there was nowhere shady to go. We all make mistakes as parents. Many's the time one or both of us have had to abandon a nice meal to take a dc out of a cafe. Your dc disturbed other customers for quite a while so you should gave taken them out. Yes they would have cried outside but it wouldn't have disturbed anyone then!

Crashbangwhatausername · 19/06/2017 18:42

In fairness to op, her dh was equally capable of removing ds, and the waiter could have asked them to leave. Dh is equally at fault by the sound of it so shouldn't be pissed off with op

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 19/06/2017 18:43

We went to the south of France in the 1980s in a car with no air con.

We opened the windows as we drove along.

There's shade. You can freeze drinks and take them cold. Mop him down with cool water and a tea towel.

There's loads you could have down and your wow is me "there was nothing I could do" is frankly pathetic.

Are you generally so feeble and lacking in ability to, you know, parent?

UnicornSparkles1 · 19/06/2017 18:43

If you were that worried about overheating and fits then you had no business going to a NT property on the hottest day of the year, in a car with no ac.

Stop making excuses, you handled the situation extremely poorly. Take it on the chin and never do it again.

NellieBuff · 19/06/2017 18:43

Why on earth did you take your children out on such a hot day. You knew he was going to get hot and bothered before you left the house. As others have said you were selfish and self centred but you made others suffer for your stupidity - and as for blaming the waiter for making a noise ...........................

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 19/06/2017 18:43

You had fits as a child from overheating so you decided to take your 4 year old and 2 year out on the hottest day of the year, park very far away from your destination, and sit in a (presumably non-air-conditioned) tea room for 20 minutes while your son screamed?

Right.

Grainfail · 19/06/2017 18:43

OP, you keep saying you couldn't go outside as it was too hot, nor put him in the car as there was no AC, so what was your plan for the day? Go to the Abbey then sit in the cafe for the rest of the day? Because if not, regardless of behaviour, you would have had to go outside and into your car at some point so you could/should have gone sooner and had food taken away of any left.

But aside from how you handled it, I fully sympathise as it's tough when you're LO is so uncomfortable; I know I've found it incredibly tough the last few days.

Kintan · 19/06/2017 18:43

Why does your son's comfort trump the comfort of everyone else? Please don't raise him to have that attitude.

JustCallMeKate · 19/06/2017 18:44

I would have given you a look of sympathy not evils because I'm a parent and not am arsehole

And some of us aren't selfish entitled arseholes!

waitforitfdear · 19/06/2017 18:44

as said before picnics picnics picnics and cool box

phoenixtherabbit · 19/06/2017 18:44

It's not about being selfish or entitled. The child is 2. Christ alive.

PurpleDaisies · 19/06/2017 18:44

When did people become so intolerant of children?

People aren't intolerant of children. I don't mind a child crying for a little while at all-it happens. But 20 minutes?!

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 19/06/2017 18:44

*done

*woe

Voice rec on phone

Bubbinsmakesthree · 19/06/2017 18:45

Even if you would have been disturbing the peace in the village, the key difference is you'd have been in a public place. In a cafe you aren't only disturbing people who have paid to be there, you're impacting someone's business.

harderandharder2breathe · 19/06/2017 18:45

Your car air con wasn't working?! Why on EARTH did you think this trip was remotely a good idea? You haven't responded to any of the posters questioning this so I'm guessing it was entirely selfish.

It's massively unreasonable to take two small children out in a non air con car to a hot location in 30 degree heat. You should've stayed at home.

It's also massively unreasonable to expect paying customers to put up with your toddler screaming for 20 minutes while you and DH sit there. 20 minutes of a strangers toddler screaming is awful in a confined space.

You were increadibly selfish.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 19/06/2017 18:45

Ooh, one 'YANBU' in six pages. Who wants to bet the OP latches onto it and comes out with more excuses?

Elphame · 19/06/2017 18:45

And this is why some cafes and restaurants ban children under 12. I avoid "family" restaurants because I know they'll be full of noisy children (which is fine - that's their demographic and I don't fit it anymore)

I'd have been livid too if I'd been in that tearoom. You were rude and selfish.

harderandharder2breathe · 19/06/2017 18:45

People aren't intolerant of children. They're intolerant of selfish entitled parents

JaneEyre70 · 19/06/2017 18:45

I'm feeling upset on behalf of your kids.....who in their right mind takes kids out in this heat?!

2017SoFarSoGood · 19/06/2017 18:46

dear god, OP you are just the type of mother I pray never to encounter on my travels. Very selfish of you, and awful to teach your LO's this is decent behaviour. You need to go back and apologize to the waiter and leave notes for the customers whose lunch you ruined - perhaps post on the notice board if there is one. only slightly tongue-in-cheek

JustCallMeKate · 19/06/2017 18:46

The child is 2

I assume the parent is an adult and could easily have removed the child from the tearoom instead of expecting everyone in there to put up with 20 minutes of screaming.

LedaP · 19/06/2017 18:46

You took 2 kids out in a car with no air con. They could have got back in the car. If air con was the important you wouldn't have gone.

Your child having a 20 minute screaming session didnt reduce his body temperature did it. It in fact probably made him warmer. So the 'i was scared he would have a fit' excuse is bull too. If that was really a concern you would have stayed home.

Also just imagine if dh had have got up and taken the child out while the op was arguing with people. She would have gone mad.

MatildaTheCat · 19/06/2017 18:46

By the time you left the staff had time to paint a sign apologising for the disturbance. Jeez, I hope you left them a big fat tip bet you didn't.

EdmundCleverClogs · 19/06/2017 18:46

So you took your children out on the hottest day of the year, in a car with no air con, didn't factor in they could become fussy (or worse heatstroke/fit), then disturbed other diners for 20mins because it was easier for you? And you're really not getting how you dropped the ball here? Have a word with yourself....