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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" .

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:

hrfvenia · 19/06/2017 18:20

Then I'm sorry but you get up and leave. All of you if necessary, and go home. The hottest part of the day is between 11-3 and you expect a toddler to understand that he needs to suffer in silence? No.

I feel embarrassed for you, next time maybe take them early morning and go home for lunch, or take a picnic you can have in the shade.

Consider that maybe everyone else in the tea room was there to relax and cool down.

LumelaMme · 19/06/2017 18:20

But it was too hot for him outside, this is the whole point! And there was nowhere I could have cooled him down!
What, no shade anywhere? None at all? Absolutely none? Not even under the north-facing walls of the NT property?

This is is the UK, not the Sahara.

Ferrynice · 19/06/2017 18:20

Yabu, it was clearly going to be a very hot day, if you have such a sensitive toddler maybe it wasn't a good idea to take him to a place with nowhere to cool down?
You should of left, and taken DS into a shaded area or even sat in an air conditioned car ?

Original poster

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:21

We didn't sit there eating at a leisurely pace, we were racing through our lunch so we could leave sooner but even then it was too hot for either of us to sit outside with him and if we had have done, the customers out there would have complained as the village was otherwise almost silent. It was a no win situation and if the waiter hadn't have made DS jump clattering plates he would have fallen asleep as he was starting to cool off

OP posts:

Syc4moreTrees · 19/06/2017 18:21

Sorry, YABU, sounds like a horrendous racket. You could have taken him outside and sat in the shade for a little while until he cooled off whilst other son and DH finished their cake, or brought the drinks and cakes outside.

Osolea · 19/06/2017 18:21

Couldn't you have taken him home for lunch?

It might have been warmer outside, but other people would have been less disturbed that way.

Sorry you had a tough day though, it doesn't sound like fun.

JustCallMeKate · 19/06/2017 18:21

YABU. If it was too hot for your child outside then you should have taken them home where they would have been more comfortable. At least 3 people mentioned the noise yet you come on here to ask if you were being unreasonable? Even the waiter was apologising to people coming in FFS. Did that not tell you your child was disturbing other people?

SandysMam · 19/06/2017 18:21

I think you were a bit unreasonable to plan such an activity with toddlers on such a hot day, given that weather warnings etc were issued.

However with regards to leaving, I think you were stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea really given it was hotter outside but can't have been a very nice experience for any of you!

Hope you have all cooled down a bit now!

Sisinisawa · 19/06/2017 18:21

Yabvvvu. You should have taken him out. And if it was too hot outside you should have gone home.

BusyBeez99 · 19/06/2017 18:21

I wouldn't have taken two small children out in the heat today to go to a national trust property. We were going to go for a walk yesterday but decided against it due to the heat and he's 11 not 2

You were being v unreasonable and I would have been quietly seething if I were another customer and saying to myself why don't they just take him out. You should have left your meal or asked for it to be packed up and gone home. Loads of people's lunches ruined because you were being entitled.

Gazelda · 19/06/2017 18:22

Surely there was a tree you could have sat under? And I'm sure the staff or the gift shop could have found you an ice lolly. As others have said, the reasonable thing to do,would be one parent take the unsettled child outside while the other finished lunch with older child, then swap. The unreasonable thing to do is stay where you were, eating your lunch with a screaming child and spoiling other guests' lunch. And giving the poor staff even more of a miserable shift!

DebiNewberry · 19/06/2017 18:22

if swapping not poss because it was too hot outside you should have asked them to pack up your food (am sure they would have in the circs) put him in the car and hot footed it home for a nice cool bath.

RebornSlippy · 19/06/2017 18:22

You were in the wrong, OP. It was a really daft idea for a day out with kids that age to begin with. And you knew it was going to be roasting so what posessed you? A beach or a paddling pool in the back garden would have been a better plan.

Anyway, you sat/stood your ground so no point going on about it now.

But, yeah, YABU.

PurpleDaisies · 19/06/2017 18:22

if the waiter hadn't have made DS jump clattering plates he would have fallen asleep as he was starting to cool off

It sounds like you think the situation was the fault everyone else apart from you.

GeillisTheWitch · 19/06/2017 18:22

But when you've two adults you eat in shifts - one takes grumpy child out to pacify them, or at least get them out of earshot of the other customers. Then you swap. It's common courtesy

This. If you'd been on your own with the children I could understand not leaving while DC1 was still trying to eat, but there were two of you so yes one of you should have taken him out. You knew how noisy it was for others.

LedaP · 19/06/2017 18:22

Yes how dare the waiter make noise and disturb your toddlers nap......in a cafe.

You cant be for real.

You decided to take a toddler out on tge hottest day. You need to deal with the problem you caused.

SinglePringle · 19/06/2017 18:23

Waiters clatter crockery - it happens. The tone you use when you say he woke your son by said clattering is what makes you sound entitled.

qazxc · 19/06/2017 18:23

Yabu. You and dh should either have cut your losses and headed home. Or take in turns to eat with your other dc, whilst the other goes outside with 2 year old and try and find a shaded spot and try and cool down with water on paper napkins.

caffeinestream · 19/06/2017 18:23

YABVU for taking them out today in the first place!

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 19/06/2017 18:23

You were unreasonable and entitled and Being massively unfair to everyone else

Seriously wise up and listen to what you're being told here. Everyone is telling you the same thing. Take heed.

You should be ashamed of yourself. Clearly you have no sense of what is appropriate

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 19/06/2017 18:23

OP " AIBU"
Everyone, "YABU"
OP "NO, I'm not!" What did you ask for OP? Were you just expecting everyone to agree with you?

JoandMax · 19/06/2017 18:23

YABU sorry, you should of taken it in turns to eat and one of you go outside with him. Or asked for your food takeaway and all left. It isn't fair to anyone to leave your toddler screaming......

villainousbroodmare · 19/06/2017 18:23

YABU, sorry. Outside or home.

SovietKitsch · 19/06/2017 18:24

Do you really need an answer to this?

LumelaMme · 19/06/2017 18:24

if the waiter hadn't have made DS jump clattering plates
The poor bloody waiter was doing his job, and probably feeling quite stressed out about it too.

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