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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that childminder forgot to pick up DD?

129 replies

AVY1 · 17/06/2017 14:33

We use a close family member as DD's childminder.

Yesterday I got a call from DD's teacher to say no one has picked her up. When I finally got hold of CM she said she's realised when she got in but could I go and get DD and snapped at me that I shouldn't be angry. There was no apology.

So I had to leave work to get DD and take her back to CM (who lives on the same road as the school!) and then return to work.

Arrived and got told it didn't matter as DD was safe but I said, 'but I didn't know where she was,' to be met with, 'well you haven't told me when I'm having her' - we have a contract and also flexible hours which I give at the start of each new month and is pinned in the office. Friday is a day she always has her though, and has for two years.

DD is still distraught today that she could be forgotten and myself and DH, who are both pretty laid back, are aghast that we haven't actually had an apology.

She also doesn't seem to realise how this may look for her business - if she can forget a family member who else could she forget?! I know people make mistakes but for a CM this is a pretty big one and if it were anyone else I wouldn't think twice about looking for a new one.

AIBU to expect an apology rather than being blamed?

OP posts:
ornatemirror · 17/06/2017 14:36

Have you ever forgotten to pick up your child from anywhere?

Yes , she should have apologised. By the time they get to 18 I bet that you will have forgotten them at least once.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 17/06/2017 14:37

Get a new CM.

Cornettoninja · 17/06/2017 14:38

Get a new childminder.

You need someone who you can have a professional conversation with not to mention the trust is well and truly broken.

Original poster
AVY1 · 17/06/2017 14:39

Not yet!

I think it's because if it had been any of her other children she would be in tears over making the mistake. Now obviously I don't want that!

Part of me is pretty chilled about it. DD was safe, she went to CM as normal for rest of the afternoon etc.

But it has upset DD that this person could remember the other five children that she had to collect but forget the one she is related to!

OP posts:
corythatwas · 17/06/2017 14:40

ornatemirror, surely if you forget even your own school age child anywhere, you apologise? To the child and to anyone else who is inconvenienced. Profusely.

And if you are running a business and fail to deliver, you apologise.

How would you feel if you ordered a meal, waited for hours and then the restaurant manager came out and snapped "surely there have been days when you didn't feel like cooking?"

Allthebestnamesareused · 17/06/2017 14:40

She was the unreasonable one.

I'd definitely be looking for a new childminder.

NoSquirrels · 17/06/2017 14:40

New CM.

Anyone can make a mistake, but no apology, no going straight back out to get her (& making you mess work around for her fuck up) and no remorse = massive breach of trust.

MrsKoala · 17/06/2017 14:41

Why didn't she go and pick her up when you called her? What was her reason? Why did you say yes? How on earth did that conversation go? Confused

I'd get a new cm. not so much the forgetting part, but the rest would make me furious. Does she think that as family she is doing you a favour?

Original poster
AVY1 · 17/06/2017 14:41

I might start looking. This arrangement has worked so well up until now but the fact that there seems to be some grey areas that because we're related I shouldn't expect the same professionalism is a big concern.

OP posts:
HildaOg · 17/06/2017 14:41

Never use family as childminders. Find a professional.

NellieFiveBellies · 17/06/2017 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 17/06/2017 14:42

You have to be able to trust your childminder (absolutely have to, you can't possibly get on with your job without worrying otherwise) and here the trust is clearly gone so I'd get a new childminder.

Not necessarily because she forgot her, things happen (I'm a nanny and although I've never forgotten to pick up a child, I've come close when there's a change of routine) and it's shit but mainly because of her Couldn't Give A Fuck attitude.

If I did that, I would be beyond mortified, sending grovelling apologies and be completely terrified of doing it again...she's doesn't give a fuck

Sack her off

NoSquirrels · 17/06/2017 14:43

I'm also surprised you left work to collect & drop - how did that go?

missiondecision · 17/06/2017 14:44

Ornate . Are you serious? Bloody hell, what an idiotic thing to say.
Get a new minder.
Very concerning indeed.

ArgyMargy · 17/06/2017 14:44

Forgotten to pick up my child?! Sorry, no, never. And they are all adults now.

Original poster
AVY1 · 17/06/2017 14:45

MrsKoala I went because I didn't want the other children dragged straight back out again.

The conversation went

Me: Hi, have you forgotten something (was still jovial at this point
Her: Oh I know, I realised half way home. Don't be cross. Can you go and get her? (Why she hasn't rung me or DH at this point I don't know - what was she going to do?!)
Me: I'm at work
Hey: So am I. The others are already playing
Me: ok. (I hung up and left to collect DD)

OP posts:
SouthWindsWesterly · 17/06/2017 14:45

Do you pay her? If yes, bin her as quite frankly she's not treating your relationship in a professional way.

And in a very bitchy way, I would let the other parents know why if they asked me. I realise that may cause family repercussions but as a parent I would want to know if I had my child being cared for by her

DesignedForLife · 17/06/2017 14:46

Find a new childminder.

ScarlettFreestone · 17/06/2017 14:46

I'd be sitting down with her for a serious chat about this. I'd want acknowledgement of her mistakes and assurances that it won't happen again. If I couldn't get that I'd be reconsidering my position. She isn't treating you like a regular client, she's treating you like family.

And no ornate I've never forgotten my children.

BTPlonker · 17/06/2017 14:46

The forgetting to pick up your DD is not a big deal in itself, these things do happen. The expecting you to then pick her up, followed by the lack of apology would have me looking for another childminder ASAP.

Original poster
AVY1 · 17/06/2017 14:47

She is a professional and is amazing at what she does. Up to now it's been a win win. I work for myself (but was in a conference call) so that's why I could go.

OP posts:
IAmTheWorwax · 17/06/2017 14:47

Did she know for definate that she was having your DD or could there have been crossed wires?

At the very least I would expect a sincere apology

Floralnomad · 17/06/2017 14:49

If she realised when she was half way home why hadn't she gone back , does your child come within her permitted numbers or is she an add on as a favour ?

Original poster
AVY1 · 17/06/2017 14:50

She definitely knew. She's had her every Friday afternoon for two years.

BTP - totally. These things do happen and I don't want to overreact as obviously DD's teacher was on the ball. And I don't want to project too much about how I feel about this as it's pretty symptomatic of other family issues that I can and do just let go.

OP posts:
chumpchange · 17/06/2017 14:50

Our child care provider (a bigger business) did this through a mix-up and they were SO apologetic, I had to reassure them that it was OK!

I would have been disgusted if they'd tried to minimise it. As it was, the children who were 'forgotten' were safe in their classroom (teacher hands them over to CM) and they were never in any danger. But the CM who spoke to me about it was almost pale with shock, he took it extremely seriously. If he had been offhand, I think we would have been seeking a new CM right away.