Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL Surprise, surprise

786 replies

AmberStClare · 15/06/2017 17:51

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 15/06/2017 18:42

I don't suppose there's any chance she might think you've got a man there while your dh is away?
Trying to figure out why anyone would do this.

RoseTico · 15/06/2017 18:42

"Frottage - the practice of touching or rubbing against the clothed body of another person in a crowd as a means of obtaining sexual gratification."

I was relieved to read you just use it as a euphemism for sex, I thought that was an oddly specific thing to tell people you were looking forward to! Grin

AvoidingCallenetics · 15/06/2017 18:42

Have you booked her somewhere?
Be prepared for her to come back tomorrow when she thinks your friend gas gone.
Honestly, I have had this sort of thing with ils. Lovely people for the most part but with selfish tendencies/no understanding of boundaries and personal space sometimes. You will be doing yourself a massive favour if you explain kindly but firmly that this just isn't on.

Dagnabit · 15/06/2017 18:42

NavyandWhite you may be happy to accept rudeness and bad manners but I stand by my kick her out comment! Then again, no one I know would pull such a stunt.

sonjadog · 15/06/2017 18:43

I would have to say, if someone came for a surprise visit from Australia, I wouldn´t put them out.

I am slightly in awe of people who do surprise overnight visits. I don´t think I could ever be sure enough that another person would be so pleased to see me that I would even consider just turning up.

Original poster
AmberStClare · 15/06/2017 18:43

I am working from home tomorrow (oiling my sex toys ready for Sunday) so nope, she won't get back in. MIL doesn't know this obviously or would come round to 'help' me.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 15/06/2017 18:43

I bet MIL was bored, a bt lonely, and thought, 'I know Amber and my darling baby boy have got a new house, I'll go over and take a poke around there, whilst getting waited on hand and foot. Baby boy might not be there, but Amber is too polite to throw me out when I've gone al that way'.

It's the only reason I can think of her not picking up the phone to check first. What if you'd gone away? Would she sit there alone? How long for, before she gave up and went home? And how many cupboards would she have looked in before she left?

bumpkin87974 · 15/06/2017 18:44

Yeah, I get the "keeping an eye on you" vibe from the description given, too. Perhaps at the behest of DP.

My MIL could do this if she wanted as we're sort of good friends, but if she did this I would still be wondering why,

icelollycraving · 15/06/2017 18:44

God I love threads like these. More than I should.

SquinkiesRule · 15/06/2017 18:44

Who in hell besides Ambers MIL would catch a train 2 hours and expect a warm welcome and a room without checking first. She's mad, and very very rude and presumptuous.

RosePrincess87 · 15/06/2017 18:44

Need her to hurry up so I can drive her to B&B before indulging in drinks obviously unable to drive afterwards.
No fucks given, my kinda girl Grin

This is precisely why MIL doesn't have a key to our house. When DD was born she presumed that she would be a 3rd parent (more like 1st parent) and turned up at our door every day. She is now no longer allowed to visit unless she asks our permission first. Had to nip a lot of things in the bud. It's a work in progress.

RiversrunWoodville · 15/06/2017 18:44

Horrified she would just turn up as a surprise

apostropheuse · 15/06/2017 18:45

I'm just amazed you've given a key to your next door neighbour, especially as you've only recently moved there. Why?

Is this a common thing to do? Maybe I'm weird but I like my home to be private.

frogsgoladidahdidah · 15/06/2017 18:45

Omg that is so cheeky!!!! I admire you sticking to your guns, I would have caved by now. Hopefully you can pack her off on the train tomorrow!

P.S. my MIL was same with DH. I totally lost it when I caught her cutting up his pizza (he was 32!)

Alittlepotofrosie · 15/06/2017 18:46

When i saw the title i thought here we go yet another thread where a mil hasn't done much wrong... But no. She's off the the charts.

Redglitter · 15/06/2017 18:47

Love the fact your friend is going to arrive complete with luggage Grin

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 15/06/2017 18:47

She's actually screaming?? She sounds unhinged.

kaytee87 · 15/06/2017 18:47

Love the fact your friend is going to arrive complete with luggage

That's a good friend right there!

Heatherjayne1972 · 15/06/2017 18:48

Curtains and a locked front door is the way to go
You know she'll turn up early tomorrow

crunched · 15/06/2017 18:49

I think MNetters are being harsh on this.
To my MiL, the prospect of being on her own overnight was terrible. My FiL had a career that meant this only happened around three times in their 40 year marriage so it was a huge deal.
It followed that when my DH was working away, she would call me every night, to check I was ok and offer to have me to stay or alternatively, both of my PiL would come to me. I was very short with her and after a year or so, didn't answer her calls or return them. The message seemed to be sinking in until DC began to arrive and her mission began in earnest again. I ignored. She told DH he should find alternative employment since his job involved travel and that was not on with DC on the scene! She was saying/doing all this from the direction of her own neediness, not manipulation, all be it hugely misplaced. It was the way she felt, and she was unable to believe for many years that for me, not only was it fine, I actually relished being able to slob out and do things in a totally selfish manner.
I realise phone calls are very different to turning up. The ops Mil is out of order, but I do think she could be projecting her own neediness in her behaviour to the op.

ItsNachoCheese · 15/06/2017 18:49

Id get a double lock on my door to stop her getting in 😂

Original poster
AmberStClare · 15/06/2017 18:49

frogs he used to take a plate of cheese and biscuits to bed with him if he had been out for an evening, made by MIL of course. He didn't take long to lick into shape and turn into a normal functioning adult.

OP posts:
NilesCrane · 15/06/2017 18:49

I don't know anyone in RL who would even consider travelling a two hour train journey, relying on getting keys from NDN and planning to stay over night in someone else's house.

Me neither.

Didiusfalco · 15/06/2017 18:50

Oh she sounds like a nightmare- don't back down though, it will only encourage her.

debbs77 · 15/06/2017 18:51

I'm gobsmacked!!! Well done to you though!