MIL Surprise, surprise

[AmberStClare]

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

So she sent you out of the house to discuss your reproductive organs and your hormones?!

She really is bonkers!

I do hope he stuck up for you.

I do hope he pointed out how rude turning up unannounced and blagging a key off the neighbour is.

And where is your apology for her behaviour.

This latest update would make me even more angry.

She did something rude, her feelings got hurt but she will consider forgiving you because she's decided you're getting fat! I'd be fuming!!!

Wow. This is the MIL who just keeps on giving, isn't she.

Partner appears to have lost his powers of speech again, like when he was being phoned every 15 minutes but still apparently wasn't able to just say what was happening.

If your OP didn't tear a strip off of her for that, along with her behaviour in general this weekend, he's as bad as she is.

Surely one day most of these posters will be MIL themselves...

And probably won't be making two hour trips to turn up at their children's homes uninvited and expecting to stay.

If she thinks you are pregnant then at least she is acknowledging that you and her son have sex! Hopefully no more twin room requests, although I doubt you will be inviting her on holiday anytime soon...

Partner appears to have lost his powers of speech again

Yes, a remarkably passive character.

So, just to recap, your MIL shows up uninvited to stay with you while her son is away on business. (How you didn't scream the house down in shock or fright when you discovered her, I'll never know).
You, rather than sending her on her way find her a nice B&B where she can stay. Once her son gets home she wanted to say to him that she thinks you're putting on weight and that there will be a happy event in the near future or put another way she thinks you're getting fat and she also has phoned you every 15 minutes when her son had returned from his business trip, to ask him goodness knows what! She then also insults your cooking skills by expecting a roast dinner but she turns that around when she learns that it was her son that prepared lunch!
She sounds unhinged.

I really do hope that your DH sets her straight on a few things as imo that is not just overstepping the mark, the mark is so far in her rearview mirror she can't see it any longer!

What.The.Actual.Fuck?

The woman is totally delusional

MIL is doing the steady drip drip of poison in DP's ear and sadly it is unlikely to stop. I have had a relationship ended in pretty much similar circumstances and looking back I think my instinct to have as little as possible to do with MIL allowed her free rein to get to work.

I think I should have called MIL publicly on every rudeness and scheming thing so she respected me as an adversary, and I use that term because until your MIL starts behaving reasonably that is what she is.

StrangeParasite good for you. Admire that.

So, you were sent out of your own home so she could talk to your dp about how unkind and fat you are??!

Crumbs.

What was dp's response? Has he put her right at all?

She really is bonkers, she can't accept that she was just incredibly rude so the only possible explanation is that you're pregnant and therefore irrational? Madness. I agree with some of the others though, has your DP been clear with her that he's on your side and equally unimpressed with her drama or has he pandered to her? Her excitement at her imaginary 'Grand Baby Son' would make me nervous for how overbearing she plans to be down the line!

The op has told us that her MIL has been divided for 30 years and is 66 years old. Am I right in deducing from that that she was a single mum to her only son? And also a slightly older mum? It sounds like her whole life revolves around her son. My MIL has been a bit like that; she lost FIL in a car accident 8 months after I married her DS and she's been very dependent on him emotionally, still is 13 years on. He's not an only son, though, he has one brother so it's not all about my DH thankfully.
A lot of posters are saying that op's DH should be standing up for her more. I sometimes wish my DH had clearer boundaries with his DM, but I can see how hard it can be for my DH, he feels caught in the middle.
Thankfully, my MIL has never been so batshit as the op's, she would never dream of dropping in unannounced and she certainly wouldn't be put out by her DH sharing a room with his DW when on holiday with us. (We have been on holiday with her several times and it is a challenge for me, but not in that way.)

What a complete bitch!

To hit you with the rude accusations, and then pull out the ultimate in female to female put downs..the weight!

She is a real piece of work!

I do hope that your DP put her damned straight!

1 - M, you turned up unannounced
2 - M, you let yourself into our home
3 - M, you assumed you could stay without having a nanosecond of thought to if that would be acceptable/convienient
4 - m, you were huffy and put out when it turned out that actually other plans had been made and no, you were not going to trump them all.
5 - You have no business deciding who to forgive or not, Amber is not in the wrong, you are.
6 - Amber is owed an apology, we both are.

I am my son's only parent, his dad is useless and abroad. Even if he were here, he'd be useless and counter productive

I was an older mum, nearly 40 by the time I had him.

I will not be trampling his life the way this awful MIL has done to Amber and her DP.

this is a batshit woman thing, not a MIL thing, not an older mum thing, not a single parent thing, not an only child thing.

I'm not excusing this MIL, Hissy, she's awful, but I was suggesting it may be why her DP isn't finding it easy to stand up to her.

What a fab thread, im bored in work and its kept me entertained through a meeting (thanks)

OP you stood your ground there and set a president for any future times she may have decided to do it again.. well done x

That latest update is HILARIOUS.
I can't quite get my head around that level of denial- assuming that DIL must be pregnant- that being the only logical sane explanation as to why OP didn't react with pure happiness and glee at finding her MIL in her house, unpacked and ready to stay for a week.
she is proper bonkers OP

I think you need to be really careful here op.

If your DP can't kindly but firmly put some boundaries in place this is what your future life will be like and it may jeopardise your relationship in the end.

I speak from experience of a critical and interfering MIL who I now dread seeing (and she's nowhere near as bad as what you've described). Like nosugar, I really wish I'd pushed back years ago.

DH just refuses to. I understand he has divided loyalties but I think he's so used to how she behaves it's normalised to him. He certainly wouldn't tolerate it from other people.

I hope you can train Famalam to scratch her!

What did your DP say to all this?

If he didn't stand up for you, then he needs his arse handing to him.