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Original poster

MIL Surprise, surprise

786 replies

AmberStClare · 15/06/2017 17:51

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

OP posts:
nauticant · 18/06/2017 16:54

Well, at least that's one small bit of good news.

Doublemint · 18/06/2017 17:05

Wow I'm really impressed with how you've handled this op!

LisaMed1 · 18/06/2017 17:22

1forAll74 - I respect your point of view and somewhat envy the likely experience that informs it.

My late mother used to force visits on me and I used to have to take annual leave to recover from them as I was so destroyed by a weekend with her. My life improved greatly when she died.

My late mother in law used to go through private papers and throw out things she didn't like me having - like the last sweater my grandmother ever knitted me.

I wish they were both alive, well and living in Australia.

The point is, just because they are family doesn't mean that a visit is always a joyful occasion. Some families are awesome. Some are vile.

I hope you can respect my point of view

Original poster
AmberStClare · 18/06/2017 17:33

Lunch was delicious thank you, DP cooked it for me, felt very spoilt as sat in the garden with a drink relaxing. He collected MIL after cooking and she arrived here with a face on her again. Much muttering about not a proper Sunday lunch until I told her DP had made it. Then all smiles and what a clever son he was.

Had it all again about how welcoming the B&B were (unlike some people) so I said she would no doubt want to stay there always. Shocked silence and looked at DP who looked away. I am about to go for a walk after clearing up as was given the look and told she has something to discuss with her Baby Son. Will find out what later. DP is taking her to the station tomorrow as the alternative was me and I am leaving for work at 8am so she wouldn't have time for another full English breakfast. I hope he won't pay the bill for her but can't stop him if he does. His money, his DM.

(NavyandWhite, you are entitled to your opinion, all part of the tapestry of life's rich Mumsnet pattern.)

OP posts:
fruitlovingmonkey · 18/06/2017 17:34

Well done OP, she sounds batshit but you've handled it very well.
Any chance you could give lessons in how to be assertive?
We need a word in the English language for this rudeness. She was rude to come uninvited but then shifted it to you and you had to choose between accommodating her or appearing rude yourself. DH's family do this a lot- invite themselves over and then act like we are the rude ones for trying to rearrange it to a more convenient date. I need some tips in how to handle it without always looking like the bad guy.

Hortonlovesahoo · 18/06/2017 17:48

Thanks for the update OP. Why did he look away when you mentioned that she should stay at the b&b? Do you think he's told her otherwise?

Goingtobeawesome · 18/06/2017 17:50

Is he worth having her as a job lot?

AcrossthePond55 · 18/06/2017 17:58

Very well done!

I'm afraid I would have had to leave for my walk with a parting shot;

"Oh MiL, here's your privacy for your 'talk' with my DH. But it's ok, he'll tell me everything later, he always does."

I might be tempted to also add a 'tinkly little laugh' (â„¢ Mumsnet)

FizzyGreenWater · 18/06/2017 18:01

Haha. Looks and huffing notwithstanding, I think she knows only too well that she is on Fucking Thin Ice.

I think she has also now been left in no doubt whatsoever that no, she is not untouchable because she is the Mother of Baby Son, and that no, Baby Son is very much not going to race to her aid as soon as the waterworks appear and, even if he did, she still wouldn't be getting her way in your house unless ok'd by YOU.

Which is exactly what she needs to know for the sake of future harmony. I feel that this will be the last time she tries this little trick.

MsPavlichenko · 18/06/2017 18:09

Be prepared for the talk to be about a health crisis (MIL) designed to guilt trip your DP.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 18/06/2017 18:09

This reply has been deleted

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gamerchick · 18/06/2017 18:21

Be prepared for the talk to be about a health crisis (MIL) designed to guilt trip your DP

Yep pretty much the script ^^ she will get in 'her' bedroom. It'll be a mission.

Have to say I'm finding this low level bullying of another poster on this thread a bit shit. There's no need for it, even if you do find them tiresome Hmm

Original poster
AmberStClare · 18/06/2017 18:31

Gamechick Have to say I'm finding this low level bullying of another poster on this thread a bit shit. There's no need for it, even if you do find them tiresome.

Agree, doesn't worry me at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmberStClare · 18/06/2017 18:31

Sorry meant, not worried by difference of options, find them refreshing.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 18/06/2017 18:35

Oh yes!

Can I put my £5 on this too please (veteran of too many MIL threads) Grin

Either she will pipe down or be prepared in the near future for your DP to approach with an ashen face and regale you with news of the mysterious ailment, the need for sudden 'tests', long phone calls, and the requirement for him to rush to her side.

Fatbit · 18/06/2017 18:38

I said what I said about Navy as I find she can be a bit of a bully. She's done it to me more than a few times and made me feel pretty down about something I was already upset about. And just wouldn't let it go. As I've seen her do to others and was beginning to with op.

Two wrongs don't make a right though I agree.

whomovedmychocolate · 18/06/2017 18:43

Oh OP, I had your mother in law for a while. Some important tips:

(1) You feel soooo insecure trying to live up to her standards so it's better she stays in a B&B thanks.
(2) You NEED weekends alone 'or you'll never get any grandchildren' nudge nudge, wink wink.
(3) We have a cat flea problem - we've fogged but the spare bedroom still seems to be infested - obviously you won't care because you are family but I felt I should warn you.

And I bet you she's come to say she wants to move closer (or ideally in with you) because she doesn't want to be alone in her dotage.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 18/06/2017 19:06

I've got to admit I am in slight awe of you. The shocked silence at your suggestion that she could always stay at the B+B made me laugh - it's irrelevant that she's a MIL, I just think it's so satisfying when passive aggressive people have their bluff called!

Hope her special talk with your DP goes ok and that he doesn't fall into the trap of blaming you for not cancelling everything to pander to her once you're out of earshot. She needs to hea directly from him that it's not her bedroom to just turn up and stay in whenever she fancies, and that your needs are important.

Columbine1 · 18/06/2017 19:08

I would be shocked to find someone sitting in my house & this thread has made me rethink even dropping round to anyone for a cup of tea now! Though I'm sure it used to be normal....

But most of all this and many other threads on MN make me dread being a MIL... Which will happen in next couple of years. Future DIL already disapproves of my politics, the way DS and I talk to each other (& probably other things I don't know).. I'm dreading it and don't know what to do. Obviously can't talk to him about it. I totally get she is now his most important person, I live far away and don't get to see him/them much (always prearranged). But I am still his mum & we are very close.

SherbertLemon2011 · 18/06/2017 19:46

Why did you get ousted from your house so she could talk to him? Couldn't she have talked to him in the car on the way back to the b and b??? It sounds like getting you to leave is a way of her being controlling

Original poster
AmberStClare · 18/06/2017 19:50

He's driving her back to the B&B and has told me to get the wine chilled. Was laughing when he said it!

OP posts:
CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 18/06/2017 19:52

Tell him to hurry up, enquiringly Mumsnetters need to know! Grin

SherbertLemon2011 · 18/06/2017 19:53

That sounds like she said something so ott he couldn't excuse it or find it plausible and it was just laughable 😀

DartmoorDoughnut · 18/06/2017 19:55

Mmmmmm wine

InvisibleKittenAttack · 18/06/2017 20:01

Columbine - I guess before it was normal for everyone to have a phone line then you really would just pop in on the off chance someone was free for a brew rather than being able to call them first, and it still being normal until mobiles came so commonplace (all with the assumption that if someone was busy/not able to spend time with you, the person doing the 'popping in' wasn't entitled to get huffy if the person being 'popped on' wasn't able to have the desired cuppa) - but even then, a 2 hour journey is quite a thing to undertake without checking someone would be available to see you !!