Wibu about DD's skirt?

[KubaLeebre]

DD is 4 and in a small private nursery. Today at drop off, she was showing her key worker her new cotton dress. The key worker said "DD, the first thing we are going to do is put some shorts on you, you like to roll around don't you, and you don't want the boys seeing your knickers!".

I said, "I'm sorry, but I feel that she doesn't need shorts. She's 4, and wearing knickers, so her bits are covered as far as I'm concerned".

Key worker just said "oh, right".

WIBU? I'm annoyed that the worker has been doing this. I don't want my 4 year old DD thinking that she has to "cover up" so that the boys don't see her knickers.

YANBU. I am in similar line of work and am usually focussed the children's faces or if we are playing, holding their hands/feet not looking at the underwear! key worker shouldn't even notice in my opinion ... (disclaimer - I am extremely old and everyone used to swim/run around in knickers at primary school in the 70s).

Where are people buying all these crap knickers from that expose little girls bits??!

Seriously! Up your standards! Buy a decent pair! SMH. They're just knickers. Ridiculous.

I give 4yo DD shorts to wear under dresses - partly as we travel by public transport a lot and she often sits in a way that her knickers are on show.

Am I being a prude?! I thought this was a good solution - better than telling her not to sit like that, when it would be fine if she was a boy / in her jeans.

Sitting with your knickers on show on public transport is a bit different to cartwheels in a nursery setting - isn't it?

How bizarre. She's 4! 4 year olds don't care. All the girls in my sons class run around in dresses and knickers, doing cartwheels and rolling around. If you're looking then there is something wrong with you! My 1 year old boy was wandering around my front garden in a nappy and t-shirt yesterday while we were playing out. Clearly I need to put shorts on him

At least she's GOT knickers on. Dd once went to school (reception) in just her summer dress without any underwear. She forgot to put them on

What an inappropriate thing to say, especially in front of you. As in she knew how to dress your child better than you did. Ignore her OP, you were not inappropriate at all.

God, she has her entire life to worry about societal norms and what other people think. In the meantime, let her be four. Her peers will have no issue seeing her knickers unless they are made aware by adults that it is one.

If it's a matter of practicality then the nursery should ban dressed and skirts. Either way, not on. She's a little girl, not an object of boy's attention.

To the poster who also stated that boys have a right to lift up a girl's dress to see her underwear. Goodness me. Yes, all children need to be taught to respect others, male or female, encompassing not exposing them in an inappropriate manner. There's a huge difference between her underwear being visible whilst playing or another purposely lifting up her clothing, that's a whole different thread.

I wonder if they put shorts on her after you left, OP.

When my sister was about 2 she went down a slide in the garden when we had family's over for a BBQ or something. She didn't want anybody to see her knickers though, so she took them off..

Yabu to send a child to nursery in a dress. Dresses were banned at our nursery after a child got tangled up in her dress climbing on the climbing frame and nearly had a nasty fall.

Why don't you just send her in practical clothing - cropped leggings and a tshirt or shorts and tshirt? Dresses as nursery/school wear belong in the 1950s as far as I'm concerned.

I think despite the whole of MN bigging you up, the nursery manager will probably find your complaint bizarre.

Yabu to send a child to nursery in a dress.

What?! Dresses are great! Especially in hot weather. And they fit for so long. I think it's a shame it isn't socially acceptable for boys to wear them too.

Obviously long floaty dresses aren't suitable for nursery, but to ban all dresses seems completely OTT to me!

I wouldn't send my dds to nursery in dresses or skirts. It's shorts or trousers all the way - they are far sturdier, and encourages them to be active just like boys. By 4 or 5 many of the dress wearing girls in my dds class stopped running around and being active because they were flashing - kids that age are becoming aware of themselves and their bodies. It's disingenous to think they aren't.

Tbh it's clumsily worded but she might equally have meant that she doesn't want to see your daughter's vulva while she is cross legged, cartwheeling, on the slide etc but not wanted to say that. Children are flexible and uninhibited (fantastically so!) and girls' knickers are usually a bit skimpy and lightweight

Wtf?! The child already has knickers on

Please don't say "flashing" in the context of little girls' pants accidentally showing......

Horrid I'm talking about school, not swim classes at a pool.
They have a pool at school.

Your son is very lucky I wish my school had a pool when I was 8.

kids that age are becoming aware of themselves and their bodies. It's disingenous to think they aren't.

they become aware due to being constantly told not to show their knickers.

Oh, give her a break. She may have just had another parent having a go at her for letting their daughter show her knickers. You made your views clear, just let it go now.

I'd quite like to know at what age the magical switch happens. When it goes from being offensive for your DD to not flash her knickers to when it becomes an erosion of women's space to have a man in changing rooms or in a position where a woman could possibly show him her knickers.

I honestly don't understand this position of accident knicker flashes when balance with dancing and gymnastics. Very popular with you girls and basically done in underwear, often public performances. Why should a four year old wear short to cartwheel in nursery but a leotard to cartwheel at gymnastics?

It's completely different from private areas being private. Definitely is someone is asking to see your knickers that's a big no. But accidentally isnt going to make anyone explode. And making a girl conscious of it is why girls give up sport.

I'm trying to put myself in that position. On a windy day I don't wear shorts over my knickers (my knickers aren't that much small than shorts - belly warmers) and have been caught by the odd gust. Embarrassing but not deadly.

Good god @rightsofwomen put it away!!

A man might see, and you could offend his delicate sensibilities!

The 'boys seeing her knickers' thing is ridiculous but is it possible she was just trying to hint at you putting her in more of an appropriate outfit for nursery? If she is active and likes to roll around then dresses (and jeans tbh) are really restrictive. They get hitched up going down slides, caught on things etc. I always put my dd in either shorts or leggings for nursery.
Also she is less likely to want to take part in.messy activity if she worried about messing up a new pretty dress.
So the key worker wbu to be getting worked up of a flash of pants but ywbu to send her to play in an outfit that is difficult to play in imo.

I heard one of the staff at ds1&2's old after school club telling the parent of one of the girls who went there that they needed to put shorts under her dress so that boys didn't see her knickers. The parents were stunned. I was too. There seems to be a big divide on this question but never in my childhood was I made feel my knickers were so dirty and shameful that I should wear extra clothes in case they were seen by anyone, and never would I consider it necessary to do that to a little girl. It makes me feel a bit ill that this approach is so normalised.

I'd be asking to see where in their policy it specifies that girls mustn't wear clothes that show their pants and where the equivalent boys bit is. My two are now at school and haven't had anything like that thankfully. It's also far more likely to be my boy with his pants on show as he cannot tuck his shirt in to save his life!

I wouldn't send my daughter to nursery in a dress either. Dresses are for, well, dressy ocassions. Shorts and trousers are for everyday wear.
Those playsuits sound like a goid idea though, best of both worlds.

I'd quite like to know at what age the magical switch happens. When it goes from being offensive for your DD to not flash her knickers to when it becomes an erosion of women's space to have a man in changing rooms or in a position where a woman could possibly show him her knickers.

From the age that people are no longer comfortable with people of the other sex seeing them in a state of undress.

I actually have no problem jumping out of my jeans and into the trousers I wear for my sport in mixed changing areas - knickers stay in place and men aren't seeing anything more than would see on the beech!