Wibu about DD's skirt?

[KubaLeebre]

DD is 4 and in a small private nursery. Today at drop off, she was showing her key worker her new cotton dress. The key worker said "DD, the first thing we are going to do is put some shorts on you, you like to roll around don't you, and you don't want the boys seeing your knickers!".

I said, "I'm sorry, but I feel that she doesn't need shorts. She's 4, and wearing knickers, so her bits are covered as far as I'm concerned".

Key worker just said "oh, right".

WIBU? I'm annoyed that the worker has been doing this. I don't want my 4 year old DD thinking that she has to "cover up" so that the boys don't see her knickers.

I don't think it's to do with gender. They wouldn't have a little boy running around with his underwear on show either.

They wouldn't have a little boy running around with his underwear on show either. They wouldn't tell them to wear an all in one in case their trousers fell down which would be the equivalent and its not that uncommon for little boys trousers to slip so their underwear is on show

If someone at a nursery can't cope with the site of the odd bit of arse/vulva/penis etc then why do they work in a nursery.

To anyone struggling to find pants up to the job I highly recommend the m&s seamless short pants they are soooo comfy according to both Dds. Frilly edges on girly pants were annoying dd1 I found these and have never looked back.

Ridiculous! I would understand if she had no knickers on, but the fact that a four year old showing their underwear causes the nursery worker 'concern', I'd raise it with the manager.

I remember when I was at school albeit hundreds of years ago if you didn't have your PE kit with you, you did PE in your vest & knickers/pants. Nobody seemed to have any concerns about the visibility of underwear then.

Wearing modesty shorts under school dresses is definitely a thing.
As are play suit summer uniforms which are nice but tricky when using the loo.

Gone are the days when you could just frolick about feeling cool in summer. Even at 4 years old. Bizarre policing of children's bodies.

marklah we did PE in our vest and knickers as a matter of course! Right up to Year 4 I think.

I'm not suggesting we return to those times, but knickers/pants/underwear are NOT shameful.

And stop saying flashing FFS.

I'd be livid and straight to the manager.
If they have a dress code, that's fine, but to say to a young girl that she should behave or dress in such a way that BOYS do not see her knickers is appalling. She's FOUR.

This is where it starts. Nip it in the bud.

I was going to say that kickers used to be thicker with better gussets. Then I remembered my grandmother telling me about the poorer kids in the village wearing hand me downs with no gussets. They were the Victorian ones that were just legs. A bit uncomfortable for sliding down the river bank in.

We used to say "at least they're clean" to any one who mentioned seeing them.

I'm beginning to think that I'm more crunchy than I ever thought. My ds is completely comfortable naked or partially dressed and he's 7.

I'm not being argumentative but I don't understand why if it's ok at the swimming pool it's taboo everywhere else? Clothes are primarily about temperature and keeping stuff off your skin. After that it's a whole bunch of social stuff.

This is an adult putting those issues on a child (maybe it's a staff policy). I no we have to be aware of people who should never see a little girls knickers. But these people should not be in a nursery!

Knickers don't cover their bits though do they? Knickers showing bottom cracks, knickers pushed to one side so yes private bits can be seen. Put girls in knickers shaped like stretchy boxers and maybe we can stop equating shorts on girls as sexualisation when in fact it's just about covering up private areas.

I would talk to the nursery manager too, and seek clarity about their policy on how the children should be dressed, and how this is communicated to staff and parents.
I'd also talk to the manager about the keyworker shaming your DD with the whole "oh no boys (whose feelings matter more than yours) might see your knickers (which are shameful)" thing. It sounds like it wasn't a careless one-off remark but part of her general mindset, and needs to be brought up.

Wearing modesty shorts under school dresses is definitely a thing.

My youngest has with no promoting or input from us started putting on black short under her summer dresses.

I don't think it staff to be fair - pretty sure it's to fit in with her friends who often do this.

Maybe it's what the key worker has come to expect? Though odd thing for them to make a fuss over.

If I can find pants to fit my fat arse without showing any 'bottom cracks' or showing 'private bits', I'm bloody sure you can find them for tiny kids. What the fuck is wrong with people?

My 5yo likes wearing shorts under dresses as she once got friction burn on her bottom from an inflatable slide...

We are also fans or Boden or Jojo Skorts for convenience

Its not ok for an adult to shame a child into covering up like that. 'we dont want the boys to see' is value laden.

Privates are private. This is something I teach my children because they do not know it innately. Knickers are not really up to the job of keeping everything gathered in - not the way children roll around. I would no more dream of telling my daughter to alter her behaviour or 'sit nicely'than I would my son; they are children, and should never ever be made to feel ashamed of (or even particularly aware of) their bodies - which is why I would no more send my daughter to school in a frock and knickers than my son. I can see I'm in the minority on this thread, but I just don't think it's appropriate clothing for a day at nursery. I want my children to run and jump and roll and climb and slide and romp with abandon - especially at school and nursery. I dress them in trousers / shorts / leggings to do so. If anyone wants to wear a dress or skirt (or a tutu or an Elsa gown) they are welcome to do so, with leggings underneath.

I don't think the nursery worker was right to say anything, and especially not the angle of "the boys might see your knickers". That's clumsy and wrong - but I do broadly agree with her that it's not an ideal nursery outfit.

The next time I read "flashing her knickers" in relation to a girl child I will not be answerable for the consequences.

@deugain - I also started wearing shorts under my summer dresses, because the boys would lift skirts to be 'funny' and then my knickers would be mocked (just because I was a girl and they were knickers). This happened to all the girls when I was in primary school, and we continued wearing shorts under skirts into high school, just in case.

So yes, it was all to 'fit in' but it wasn't completely innocent. We were shamed out of innocence by the boys. Was even worse when I started my periods.

BTW this was in the early 90s so not that long ago.

deugain you are right, i think it does come from friends and peer group. Seems a shame that they want to cover up out of embarrassment so early on.

I'm totally for choosing knickers that are more shorts like (if that's your choice) but wearing knickers plus tight modesty shorts defeats the point of feeling cool and comfortable in warm weather.

For whatever the reason, a key worker using the phrase "and you don't want the boys seeing your knickers!", would rule out the nursery entirely, it's completely inappropriate language, exactly the sort of language which creates unconscious bias.

Why not get some little cotton boyshorts she can wear instead of knickers? They're just as cool and comfortable. Even I wear them under dresses, as I don't want to flash my underwear when I'm sitting, climbing at softplay or bending down.

Underwear is supposed to be invisible whatever your age, not because it's sexual just because it's designed to be covered. How would you feel about 4-year old boys at nursery only wearing tshirts and briefs instead of shorts?

I think you're U to say it's fine for her to expose her underwear. If you know she likes rough and tumble and cartwheels, shorts are more practical. Maybe other children keep laughing or telling her not to show her knickers (which may upset your DD) and the keyworker was giving you a hint.

How odd! Of course she doesn't need shorts on...

I do get where some of you are coming from.

But can we please rain the fires of hell down in boys who lift girls skirts to see their knickers? My son wouldn't know what would hit him.

And I don't care if they are 5 or 15. I went to a girls school so didn't experience this day to day. I did once on the way home. I totally lost my shit with a couple of kids who were neighbours. Basically it told me everything I needed to know about them. I can't imagine dealing with it every day.

That's totally different from an accidental glimpse of knicker! I've accidentally exposed myself (who hasn't). It shouldn't be mind blowing that girls wear knickers.

It's like people who hide heir underwear drying on the line.

Well I've just gone and ordered some boxer style nickers for her - so she has some more choice.

I'm pretty sure it's not the boys - though I'm not there and do remember that kind of behaviour from my school years. I think it's coming from her closer female friends - some very conservative British born muslin families and some conservative Turkish friends.