Wibu about DD's skirt?

[KubaLeebre]

DD is 4 and in a small private nursery. Today at drop off, she was showing her key worker her new cotton dress. The key worker said "DD, the first thing we are going to do is put some shorts on you, you like to roll around don't you, and you don't want the boys seeing your knickers!".

I said, "I'm sorry, but I feel that she doesn't need shorts. She's 4, and wearing knickers, so her bits are covered as far as I'm concerned".

Key worker just said "oh, right".

WIBU? I'm annoyed that the worker has been doing this. I don't want my 4 year old DD thinking that she has to "cover up" so that the boys don't see her knickers.

*It's also pretty undignified to have an adult male all your decisions about where you go and what you eat. But that's what we do for children."
..and for adults without capacity to a large extent too

YANBU

Assuming you're in the UK and not say, Iran, children wearing skirts is not considered inappropriate.

Can't believe people are even made to doubt themselves on this.

user1495025590

It isn't about sexuality, it is about dignity.Underwear is not supposed to be seen and most people would feel degraded by their underwear being on display.

Bollocks bollocks bollocks. Small children don't care. They don't feel undignified until adults teach them to feel undignified.

Why you are bringing adults who lack capacity into this I have no idea. Adults who lack capacity are not small children and if you see the two groups as largely the same I have some serious worries about you.

Many years ago, when I was a child, girls wore dresses and boys wore short trousers. I spent most of my breaktime upsidedown doing cartwheels and handstands, and during school holidays would climb trees with my best friend and her brothers. Nobody cared about seeing knickers. and dresses certainly didn't inhibit us.
I find it strange that so many people feel girls should wear 'modesty shorts' when most female singers prance around happily in their knickers.

I went to school in the late 60's . Girls used to do handstands against the wall , so knickers were on full show . I don't remember the boys taking a blind bit of notice and we were never told to stop by the playground duty staff.

It isn't about sexuality, it is about dignity.Underwear is not supposed to be seen and most people would feel degraded by their underwear being on display.

So is it degrading to wear a bikini, user? What's the difference?

There's plenty of stuff you can't do as easily in a dress. Took dd to a play centre in one once and we had to come home. Going down the slides hitched it up her back (with accompanying friction burns). And it got caught in stuff. Dresses aren't for active play. Same reason we wouldn't go to the gym in a dress.
Comfy, stretchy, fabrics that are preferably dark or that you aren't precious about getting messed up are the most appropriate clothes for nursery.

As far as I'm concerned that kind of thinking is a direct line to 'she was wearing a short skirt and tight top, she asked for it'. It is one of the very few things that if it came up at DD's school I would go in reigning (raining? They both look wrong!) hellfire and brimstone.

DD is now 7 and mainly in leggings and shorts but when she was younger she loved her dresses. She's also always been very active and there's hardly anything she couldn't do in a skirt or dress.

Why should there be anything they want to do that they can't just so they can wear a pretty, feminine outfit? It's only with girls that parents seem to feel the need to put the look of an outfit ahead of practicality. I wouldn't want to have to try and climb, crawl through tunnels, play football etc in a dress so why would I put one on my child for those activities? It just reinforces that girls need to look pretty and do passive, ladylike activities while the boys run around having all the fun!
Honestly if you think a dress doesn't restrict movement you want to see the trouble some girls have getting to a standing position from sitting on.the carpet while wearing a dress.

Small children don't care. They don't feel undignified

Exactly

A bikini is outerwear designed to be seen

Erm let's see. Difficult to get up without standing on it for one. And dpending on the length and fit difficult to run in. I'm pretty sure if skirts or dresses were the most practical thing to play football in you'd find pro women's teams wearing them and they never do.

Except hockey players. And tennis players. And dancers. And gymnasts.

I was asked specifically about football but since the op said her dd was wearing a cotton summer dress rather than a sports skirt (the ones I've seen being barely longer than knickers and made with elastane) then I maintain it isn't the best choice for active play.

Children really aren't interested in other children's underwear. You will find the universally changing in front on each other for pe until their about 11.

Let the children wear what they want within reason. It's a sad day when you can't be carefree as a 4yr old.

And my dd does gymnastics and I've never seen anyone at her club wearing anything other than leotards and tiny gym shorts.

Every single day girls play football, slide down slides, climb trees and do many other everyday activities wearing dresses and suffer no ill effects whatsoever
depends on the length of the dress.short dresses fine, longer dresses can be impractical

I just meant all the info we have is dress, could be a stretchy shirt type dress could be a tutu.

I was giving examples of females taking part in physical activities in things other than shorts. You're right, gymnasts wear leotards and shorts.

You will find the universally changing in front on each other for pe until their about 11.
You are kidding!! I run sports clubs in a lot of schools and I have never come across KS2 girls and boys getting changed together.In fact it is rare over reception age! You are seriously suggesting Y5 and 6 girls with boobs get changed with the boys! What crap you speak!

Am having flashbacks to the German hippy parents who brought their DD to under 5s' weekly gym class san any underwear whatsoever, repeatedly! They probably thought we were really unfriendly, it was just that no one dared to look in their direction. I kept remembering how useless kids are at wiping their bums, as she slid around and sat on everything, legs akimbo... We were all far too repressed to say anything though.

YANBU at all OP. Your DD has her genitals covered, which is all that is needed from a hygiene point of view. I doubt very much a bunch of preschool boys will be driven wild by a flash of pants. Nor should your DD be made to feel ashamed of her body and underwear.

Yanbu, I hate when adults sexualise children like that. People who view children in that manner and project it onto little kids shouldn't be allowed to work with them.

You are seriously suggesting Y5 and 6 girls with boobs get changed with the boys! What crap you speak!

I just asked my 11 year old (Y6). He said they get changed together, but if anyone doesn't want to, they are welcome to change in the loos next door. According to him, quite a few girls and a couple of boys do get changed in the loos now. He hasn't really noticed how many, as it didn't occur to him to think about it (he's a bit oblivious to everything except himself). There's nowhere else available at that time of day to change (old Victorian ex girls school building).

I'll tell him he's speaking a load of crap, shall I?

There are dresses and dresses, aren't there? Long, flouncy, princess type nylon affairs - trip hazard, flammable, hot, hard to stand up in = totally impractical for playing in. Short, stretchy, cotton type summer dresses - perfectly practical for pretty much any activity.