AIBU at husbands dramatic career change?

[Curtains77]

Hi all! Try to keep this short as genuinely cannot work out if iabu - husband has been doing same skilled professional job for 20 years an is about to be made redundant in about 3 months' time - with a lump sum. InitI ally, we were quite excited at the possibility of change , opportunity. We are both 40 this year so it seems like a great chance to just go for it and chase a dream.
This is where it goes a bit wrong - he is a dreamer , not so practical and has always beens protected if you like , by working for a big multinational and all the benefits that brings. (Think good pension, healthcare, flexible time , parental leave paid etc etc) and so I feel he is not thinking things through completely. For instance the ideas he has so far come up with are ; an oven cleaning franchise business, a pop up gin bar , a bouncy castle and inflatable hire business, buying two double decker buses and renting out for school trips ....
For my part , I am hugely risk- averse - I grew up piss-poor and I don't want that for our children . AIBU to want DH to take the safe option of consultancy work in his field his degree and skills are in which pays excellently, and work is plentiful . The downside is that it will usually working away in the week which he is really against. However, this provides financial stability now with the possibility of greater stability in the future?
He says I am too negative and anxious and I am effectively putting down every single idear he has. I think I am a realist and more practical and trying to avoid a disaster? Am I a cow ? Any replies gratefully received ...!

It sounds like you want him to sacrifice his own happiness so you can have yours. Not fair at all. If you're so concerned about security, why don't you increase your hours or get another job? You said that McDonalds pays more - if you genuinely mean this, then maybe you should work in McDonalds? After all, you seem to think its fair that your DH should do something he doesn't want to do so he can earn more money for the family, so why don't you hold yourself to those standards too?? Or else accept less money, but you keep doing the job you love and let him find something that he loves.

A man isn't just a walking, breathing wallet.

In fairness to the OP, I am of a similar age and when I was growing up it was entirely possible for people on fairly modest incomes to buy a home and live a reasonable quality of life. Careers advice was focused on identifying what you enjoyed and what matched your skills. So many people made career decisions accordingly.

I remember a couple in my home village (nice SE commuter belt place) - he was a mechanic, I think, she was a pt childminder and dinner lady. They had a 2/3 bed terraced house in the middle of the village and ran two cars. If I pop onto Rightmove now, a very similar house in the same location is, oh, £450k . Times have changed since the OP made her career choice and it is not always possible to go back and undo past decisions.

I think the suggestions of just 'trying out' some business ideas at a low cost are good. Just remember Public Liability Insurance!

He says I am too negative and anxious and I am effectively putting down every single idear he has. I think I am a realist and more practical and trying to avoid a disaster? Am I a cow ? Any replies gratefully received

You're not a cow for thinking of your family's future financial security, but if everyone thought that way then no-one would ever take the risks that lead to new discoveries or big financial rewards.

Similarly, anyone who has made a great success of their business ventures (I'm thinking millionaires) has undoubtedly been through the worst of times (bankruptcies and business failures) before they hit the big time.

Before he does this, you need to decide whether you can be supportive through thick and thin. Nothing is more demoralising than having a loved one pour cold water on your future plans or discouraging you when times are tough.

You might think you're being the realist but deep down he already knows these facts, and to keep bringing it up is unhelpful.

I dropped out of the rat race (a professional career with all the office politics that goes with) a couple of years ago and have never looked back.

Worst case scenario, he can re-join the rat race if it doesn't work out.

The one thing I would suggest is that he seems to lack focus at the moment. He either needs to hone in on one area which he knows or can figure out is in high demand or find something (with potential demand) that he loves doing (which won't feel like work and which he will be able to "sell" with natural passion / enthusiasm as he builds the business).

Buying double decker buses for school trips won't cut it if you find yourself outpriced by the competition or a lack of demand for the service. He needs to take some time to assess options and thoroughly do his research (without a pessimistic voice constantly in his ear).

I know someone that has been through a similar redundancy situation

My suggestion would be for your DH to utilise some of the contacts he has built up over 20 years to get another well paid corporate job, with the benefits like sick pay, pension etc

I would suggest if he gets a job quickly, that he gets to choose a treat for himself or treat the family

When unemployed the bills still keep arriving and unexpected events and bills occur too that is the reality !

Investing in property is a good idea, but you need to do your research

I would also look into your career can you train to earn more money ?

Self employment is option, but I think a steady career job opportunity is not to be dismissed

Leave dreams for days off and plan and do some so that they become real

Haven't RTFT but:

Running double deckers (or any public service vehicle) is expensive. Insurance is £5k per year. They do 10mpg. As well as the driving licence itself (costing £2k to train) you will need a certificate of professional competence in road passenger transport - that's a reasonably complex exam.

Also, a good vehicle will cost £30k. You can buy crap for a few grand, but I wouldn't hire one.

Brand new vehicles are quarter of a mil - so you can see why older ones are still expensive.

Full services required every 6 weeks. Fail and MOT and you could lose your operators licence.

I am an accountant, and used to work for a small town bus operator. It's not an easy way to make a living.

Franchises are a good way of losing money for very little in return.

My advice would be to build a business around what you actually know. After all, oven cleaning or anything 'service based' would surely place a limit of lower than average salary on your earnings.

YABVU.
HE is not responsible for the financial security of the family, YOU (the parental unit) are. You get the low earning job you love, and time raising DCs whilst he's sent off to bring in the money?! Talk about equality!!

What price do you put on his happiness? And the value to your DC of a mid-week father?

Get with the programme; woman up and support your man; emotionally, practically and financially.

Worst case scenario, he can re-join the rat race if it doesn't work out.

Mmm, possibly not if he's spent the last year or two trying to rent out buses and bouncy castles. Corporate skills can get rusty quite quickly, as can contacts.

Honeypot did you read the bits about gambling, bankruptcy and their ages?

I would second that redundancy is a roller coaster and that all support from friends and family should be appreciated

If you are in U.K. He will be able to claim contributions based universal credit or job seekers allowance for a certain time period / until he gets another job

Depending on where you are the Pop Up Gin Bar could make a fortune

Gin is a very trendy drink still. For now. In six months time it could have rejoined the "naff drinks" cabinet and people will be raving about whiskey. Building a business based on what is fashionable right now is very risky.

As someone with a dh who has lots of ideas the best response is just to humour him. It would take a lot more steps to actually begin any of them but saying random business ideas is a piece of piss and not worth your anxiety.

Incidentally someone I'm friends with on fb shared their friend's portable gin bar business like an ice cream van for festivals but with gin.

It's for sale

I feel for you OP! My exDH stopped working because he didn't like the environment and did very little to find another job! Maybe thats why he is an ex ;-) It really worried me and I went the other way: taking on all sorts of projects/ jobs etc.

Anyway, let's be grateful that your DH has a profession which sounds as though it will 'keep' for a few years while he tries something else (make sure he keeps his skills up-to-date).
If he can find a low-cost low-investment business that's great! I have always been wary of paying for a franchise but it works for many many people. I'd suggest something he can set up on a few-hours-a week basis while he also does consultancy work - he won't need to invest any cash in consultancy (will he ?) so he should be able to pick projects up as and when and as necessary without affecting his new business.
I would suggest you both look at MLM aka network marketing as there, the initial investment is Time and not money. He might find this workable while he takes on some smaller consultancy projects.
FWIW I used to do consultancy work but now (after several years) I earn a good living from MLM and don't need to take on assignments (though I do the odd one).

A lot of those ideas involve evenings and weekends when the kids are odd school. I imagine if he doesn't want to be away in the week he will like weekend working even less.

Annabel and Friday - thanks I do see now that I may need to be more aware the actual redundancy itself might have on his confidence - I will keep an eye out . And harsh and honeypot - we have been through an awful lot in our marriage together we are a team and my support for him and he for me is not in any doubt here . I understand what you are both saying and I have already realised this and made sure he knows that in my support I will try and find a better job / more money/ tighten belt if needs be. He also , for the record , does not hate his job just the politics of being in the same big company . So consultancy may be liberating for him .

First sit down with a pen and paper and work out some costs/profits.

It's easy to say you've no idea what it costs to service a double decker bus or run a laundrette so you can't come up with costs. But you will be surprised what you can find out on line and you will find a business plan absolutely vital to making the decisions.

So
Cost of double decker bus.
Cost of HGV driving licence.
How long to get HGV Licence.
Cost of insurance for bus full of school children.
Annual maintenance costs of double decker bus.
Expected life span of double decker bus.
How much to trade in bus when new one required.
Cost of bus drivers insurance.
Cost of child care if both parents are out of house after school hours.
Total it up
How much earnings required a month to cover that total.
Is that feasible by driving bus.
If not what other work can fit in with bus driving etc etc

It's honestly not all about money. It's more complicated than that - my career choice was made in 1990s - as maybe said - I don't regret it in itself but different times .

RoseTico
Gin is a very trendy drink still. For now. In six months time it could have rejoined the "naff drinks" cabinet and people will be raving about whiskey. Building a business based on what is fashionable right now is very risky

This is why successful businesses keep their eye on ball, pivot, change and evolve when necessary. In itself this is not an obstacle. You just need to be astute and retain the ability to be flexible / nimble.

Loads of great practical balanced advice thank you all so much ! Esp specifically about business and consultancy etc thanks !! Xx have to charge the phone but will def be backxx

YANBU. You love your job but as I read it your compromised career opportunities enabled childcare/family/his career? And assuming your children are not that old its reasonable that you both continue with the model which pays the bills until they are a bit older. Its one thing to risk your own income but not the family's.

If there is plenty of demand/contract work in his area you have scope to negotiate work models - reduced weeks, flex on location (I'm speaking from experience). As a contractor you are also running a business - if he struggles with the paperwork and book keeping as a contractor he certainly won't survive running a small business in an area he doesn't know. If he fundamentally likes his job but has been dented by the redundancy he might like contracting. It also gives you both the time to consider other options such as starting a new business on slow burn in parallel or your retraining to earn more or for the potential business

Having tried it for a couple of years I found contracting limiting and stressful.

Contractors tend to work within their skills. Companies dont want to take the risk on a contractor growing into a role, they want someone who can start delivering results straightaway.

Between contracts isnt downtime and a rest because you are chasing for the next role. Notice periods are often very short and contracts can also often be only a small number of months even if they are renewed a number of times.

Sorry can't work out how to do links on my kindle! www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/products/

This website is chock full of useful stuff if you're thinking of a career change/starting your own business. I so wish someone had shown me this when I got my redundancy. Good luck!

Could you not put his redundancy money away for now and then he sticks to his current profession. Then you could re train and get yourself a better job. He woild then have the time to research/test out what he would like to do and you would both be in a better position to try and do something new and that he has a passion in.

Set yourselves a time line and at least it will feel more planned and less rushed.. in my opinion more likely to succeed.

Just wanted to come on OP to say that you sound absolutely lovely and the way you've dealt with criticism on here has been admirable.

You don't have to justify your career choices. Your role in your marriage has been default cater for your DC, his has been default earner. Nothing wrong with that at all,

You've had a lot of solid advice. Nothing to add, except that I think saving for a house deposit has to be your priority in these next few years. A new business is unlikely to be yielding profit until a good few years in.
Anyway, it sounds like your previous bankruptcy situation might mean he's not able to become a director of his own company yet, or get financial backing, in which case, that should be that.

Good luck! It will be an adjustment for him whatever he does and I'm sure you'll give him the time and the space to assess things realistically.

YANBU! I do, however, suspect he just needs some time to dream a few fantasies after the straight jacket of his job. Don't let it phase you, and don't end up worrying about every crazy suggestion.
At 40 he is way young enough to get another permanent position in his field.
A word to the wise, consultancy can be a bit hit and miss and eat up the redundancy money while he chases freelance work. It's not quite the license to print money that some claim!
Good luck!

Such lovely positivity thank you xxxx thank you for that website have saved it to my phone ! X and thode of you that have posted with good solid (calming!!!) Plans and advice us invaluable and I am really grateful for all your collective posts - it's like having a really intelligent brainstorming session from everyone ! Thank you fellow mumsnetters xxz lots of love to you all xx