AIBU at husbands dramatic career change?

[Curtains77]

Hi all! Try to keep this short as genuinely cannot work out if iabu - husband has been doing same skilled professional job for 20 years an is about to be made redundant in about 3 months' time - with a lump sum. InitI ally, we were quite excited at the possibility of change , opportunity. We are both 40 this year so it seems like a great chance to just go for it and chase a dream.
This is where it goes a bit wrong - he is a dreamer , not so practical and has always beens protected if you like , by working for a big multinational and all the benefits that brings. (Think good pension, healthcare, flexible time , parental leave paid etc etc) and so I feel he is not thinking things through completely. For instance the ideas he has so far come up with are ; an oven cleaning franchise business, a pop up gin bar , a bouncy castle and inflatable hire business, buying two double decker buses and renting out for school trips ....
For my part , I am hugely risk- averse - I grew up piss-poor and I don't want that for our children . AIBU to want DH to take the safe option of consultancy work in his field his degree and skills are in which pays excellently, and work is plentiful . The downside is that it will usually working away in the week which he is really against. However, this provides financial stability now with the possibility of greater stability in the future?
He says I am too negative and anxious and I am effectively putting down every single idear he has. I think I am a realist and more practical and trying to avoid a disaster? Am I a cow ? Any replies gratefully received ...!

I'm not sure people are being harsh on the OP. I think she sounds smart and nice but she definitely sums up what's wrong with the way women are socialized.

She grew up poor and she can't bear the thought of going back to that so... she trained as a veterinary nurse and earns less than a cleaner but she married someone with a higher earning capacity. Women are so often encouraged to marry a high earner to stave off poverty rather than be one themselves. They can't even keep themselves out of bankruptcy. The reality is that something is not right here.

I would have switched to a higher earning job when my husband who drank too much had to file for bankruptcy, not now. The OP needs to get real with herself.

Rolo - what can I say ? I came to feminism late in life ! But I have to take responsibility for my choices . Every single colleague vn I know who has a mortgage (we are a resounding 95% female profession btw) only has it by inheritance or by marrying s higher earner . What does that say ? There are, of course career vet nurse but I can count them on two hands nationally speaking. We are restricted in snd out the workplace I feel.

Bhave got to nip off now but thank you everyone - loads to think about now ypu are all amazing for taking the time to talk - will keep u updated xxx

Look up 6 thinking hats. You (Like I do ) seem to have a tendency towards black thinking hat. This is the one that spots problems and trouble shoots. It's a very useful skill but if you are doing it while he is coming up with ideas and dreaming dreams it won't go down well. Agree a time for thinking big and thinking of ideas and then a time for considering pros & cons, looking at practicalities. Don't move on to the second until he is ready. It's really hard as you will want to do lots of 'yeah, but..'

What jumped out at me was he had been in same role 20 years with good package. He may have no idea how good he had it. Self employed No sick pay, no paid hols, no paid time off for dependent etc. I had 2 months off for major surgery ssp only despite being there years. My friends in NHS admin/civil service and been there since left school were agog they thought everyone got 6 months paid sick pay! if it has always been the way he may not have even thought.
The other thing that jumps out are the randomness of the ideas. Generally you get paid for skill and expertise. Is there no business idea linked to his 20 years experience and qualifications.
My Dh has gone self employed this year leaving a full time professional job. But new role is closely linked and he still does consultancy. He did part of self employed role for 3 years along side the day job and got another part time role too 18 months ago to keep money coming in. So effectively hit ground running.

I stayed same job but am also working for Dh company. Do not underestimate time tax, ni, vat, companies house etc takes. Mistakes with that bring companies down.
Also 2 of his ideas school bus and bouncy castle will carry high insurance premiums particularly for an unknown business. Bulk of fee charged is insurance so not profit for him.
Your situation sounds like it needs a change. We discussed me working ft whilst he got up and running. Ultimately we didn't but it was discussed Could you get a new job paying properly at a bigger practice and him do the childcare whilst he gets up and running.

A friend who is a vet nurse does dog walking, cat feeding while owners away etc to top up her income. Maybe that's a company you could set up together.

Apart from oven cleaning which could be daytime those are all jobs which mean a) he'll be doing unskilled work, probably on minimum wage equivalent and b) as they are leisure based he's unlikely to see the family anyway. The buses might be school hours but he'd have to take weekend jobs too.

Running your own business is hard work. When my dh set up his we had no kids and I was on a good salary that covered all our bills including if need be his essential business expenses. That way if he had no work for a couple of months we weren't heading for financial ruin.
If it were my dh I'd suggest trying to get a job with an oven cleaning company or whatever business he decides to pursue, for a couple of months at least, to see if he likes it. If he did I'd suggest p/t consultancy to keep his contacts and an income along with p/t self employment setting up his business. However if he thinks he'll work less self employed he won't if he's successful and you'll be fielding calls, taking bookings, doing invoices and other paperwork. My dh even worked on the morning of our wedding for a regular customer!

I rather like the idea of converting the bus into the pop up gin bar, forget the primary schools.

I know what it's like to look at your salary and realise the choice you made when 18 doesn't always serve you well at 40, OP.

Do all animal related jobs pay badly? I imagine so, but I don't know. I was thinking is there money in dog grooming? You could invest the money in that, he could do the business side and you could deal with the pooches.

Ooh! x-post with the kennels poster!

Following on from another thread, rather than a bus why don't you suggest he gets a vintage car and rents it out for weddings. at £500 a go it would be better than a bus.

Do the pop up Gin Bar in the bus!! busbarcompany.com/

I've seen one with DJ's on the open top deck and bar on lower deck. Weddings, parties, events, festivals, anything.

Rolo it was the OP who brought them to bankruptcy, not the DH. She's had three failed business ventures, which is potentially colouring her view.

When you start a new business, it's very frequent to do some other less exciting, more lucrative job on the side to pay the bills.

I think your husband should take some consultancy gigs while starting his company (whatever it is). Makes things so much easier when starting (and yes, it's a huge effort, but that's what it takes).

Lonnyvony - appreciate what you are saying but I have to be honest but yes it was me who tried and failed to set up a value clinic for preventive pet healthcare for people on lower incomes that were not eligible for charity help. My responsibility that went under of course. The business debts were settled ; it was a combination of property crisis and Dh with aforementioned drink and gambling problem that put us both on bankruptcy register. Bad choices we don't intend to repeat. Just wanted to clear that up - neither of us is innocent or the bad guy . I did not want to have to say that as I wanted an unbiased view of our current situation which , happily , you all gave me lots to think about xxx

And I had one failed business not three

Every single colleague vn I know who has a mortgage (we are a resounding 95% female profession btw) only has it by inheritance or by marrying s higher earner . What does that say ? There are, of course career vet nurse but I can count them on two hands nationally speaking. We are restricted in snd out the workplace I feel.

That doesn't even make your point.

You are saying "all the people I know in a low paying job can't afford a mortgage without outside assistance"

Well, duh.

Dh with aforementioned drink and gambling problem

Yikes. This gets worse.

Some really great suggestions on here there really is !!! Am am really grateful for all input x

Yes I know x looking forward not back x and I can only speak for my profession but yes it's not rocket science kokusi I understand your point x

All the clarifications make it worse.

If your DH had past problems with alcohol he shouldn't think about running a gin bar.

How and why the fuck are you being paid less than the minimum wage, and apparently cheerfully ok with it? If they were regularly stealing money from your purse, would you put up with it?

Op says on more than minimum wage but less than the practice cleaner.

For me the fact you still have bankruptcy-related bad credit ratings for another 3 years swings it for me that actually he shouldn't start a business right now. Or not full-time. As a side-line maybe.

You need to draw up a sensible plan of, say, for the next 3 years, both of you making some changes - I suggest you look to earn more/start a new career so that at the end of the three years he can drop the consultancy or safe job, go part-time or do the start-up business if he wants and be able to rely on your wage and a reduced one on his side to keep you afloat.

Seems mad to start up a business when you're still under the cloud of previous bankruptcy.