AIBU at husbands dramatic career change?

[Curtains77]

Hi all! Try to keep this short as genuinely cannot work out if iabu - husband has been doing same skilled professional job for 20 years an is about to be made redundant in about 3 months' time - with a lump sum. InitI ally, we were quite excited at the possibility of change , opportunity. We are both 40 this year so it seems like a great chance to just go for it and chase a dream.
This is where it goes a bit wrong - he is a dreamer , not so practical and has always beens protected if you like , by working for a big multinational and all the benefits that brings. (Think good pension, healthcare, flexible time , parental leave paid etc etc) and so I feel he is not thinking things through completely. For instance the ideas he has so far come up with are ; an oven cleaning franchise business, a pop up gin bar , a bouncy castle and inflatable hire business, buying two double decker buses and renting out for school trips ....
For my part , I am hugely risk- averse - I grew up piss-poor and I don't want that for our children . AIBU to want DH to take the safe option of consultancy work in his field his degree and skills are in which pays excellently, and work is plentiful . The downside is that it will usually working away in the week which he is really against. However, this provides financial stability now with the possibility of greater stability in the future?
He says I am too negative and anxious and I am effectively putting down every single idear he has. I think I am a realist and more practical and trying to avoid a disaster? Am I a cow ? Any replies gratefully received ...!

Of all the businesses you mentioned only the pop up gin bar is one that seems a goer. Round our way there are loads of oven cleaners, bouncy castles etc. However gin bar would be weekend work only probably- late hours. Would he be able to make enough money from that? Has he any passion for gin. The bus thing sounds like a lot of overheads for little return.

If you are registered bankrupt for another three years, how could he be a company director?

Maybe you both need to spend the next three years, until you can be directors again, working up a decent business idea?

No you don't sound like a nutter, it's just that disparity between what you were asking of him and what you were asking of yourself hadn't occurred to you, that's all.

when I found out the cleaner was being paid more I was quite upset - and what did your nice bosses say when you pointed this out and asked for a raise?

Sleep - therein lies the balance of the choices we have. I am no closer to being a vet than anyone with a levels I am afraid. But human nursing had occurred to me so that is a great suggestion and something o talk with him about - thank you ! Bagel - that's true . He would not be able to do his job without me in mine of course. We are a team . These things cannot be underestimated. Do you think perhaps consultancy for 3.5 years ( the time it will take our credit to recover ) to save and then buy a house woul be the best idea given current climate ? Or a slow torture for DH and therefore unreasonable to consider. He is , as has been pointed out , making and has made a lot of sacrifices !

Sounds like something has to give though curtains. Could you agree that dh seeks part time work while trying to start a business? The thing that strikes me though is that he doesn't have a business idea he is either knowledgeable or passionate about. Maybe a pp is right that he needs some time after redundancy to reflect on what he wants to do next. Could this be the time for him to train for a new career?

Yanbu and I don't think he has really thought this through. It can be so demoralizing scratching about for business in the quieter months. Why don't you suggest that he works for someone in that line of business for a while before committing his own finances

I would give him space, to find his own way/idea

My DH left a lucrative career, and the only thing I "vetoed" was opening a pub with his best mate (they were just fantasising about being drunk on the job all day and having all there friends there every day..., it was not a proper business plan)

I would let him try it out, and then if he gets back to the career he had before it is HIS choice and much less likely to lead to a burn out/stress.

Ha I haven't talked to my bosses. The other nurses and I were trying to put together a well structured case together to speak to them about it in a non confrontational way. We are all rather un assertive! Thanks for reassurance and advice everyone - youhavetobekidding - actually it sounds ridiculous but might be a really good idea ! Am thinking on that one. Thesnork - I did know that however we are on the bankruptcy register but we have settled our debts legally using an IVA and the advice of a debt charity. So now we are literally just waiting for the credit score to recover. No caveats in respect of company directors as far as I know.

I think there is a HUGE difference between coming up with an off-the-wall business idea and really doing the research to ensure it can work, and this ridiculous kind of unevidenced dreaming. You have my sympathies, OP - my ex was like this. He'd suddenly announce he was going to set up a 'board games cafe', when he hated dealing with people, and couldn't make a cup of tea, let alone a cake. Basically, it was all a dream of playing all day and not having to be responsible. In the end, the constant fear of everything being thrown topsy-turvy all the time was a deciding factor in my leaving (there were many other things too).

I think the thing is, if he wants a career change, he needs to come up with a plan that is properly researched and evidenced, including the figures. I'd suggest a trial run at something, if you can do it - perhaps he can spend 50% of his time on consultancy, and the other half trying out an idea. A pop up gin bar, for instance, would be easy to do for a short while, which would give you both a better idea of the work and costs.

That's true Ruby - at the risk of sounding like one of those pictures - if you do something uou love it means more . O have the same reservations about the gin bar. He has a tendancy to like the drink too much I do want him to be happy though of course .

But if I even ask him even slightly more probing questions ...he gets annoyed that I doubt his abilities.

Tell him that this is nonsense. Everybody, and I mean everybody, who is starting a new business needs to question every detail. You don't just ask "what will your turnover be?" but you ask drill-down questions like who is your average customer, what is their average spend, where do you find this customer, where do you advertise, what is your marketing strategy, etc, etc. Then go back and do it again with an eye to "what are my assumptions, am I right with my suppositions".
Talking of which: are you sure that the consultancy work is out there? There must be a reason that he has been laid off.

I think that you should reconsider your job and maybe find something more lucrative. You could always volunteer at something like Blue Cross instead. However, you do have job security at the moment so think twice before you give that up. Maybe you could move into office admin: the skills picked up there could be handy for his business.

Thanks lanouvelle - ypu are right. I don't like topsy turvy but it is not just me is it ? He does not currently work with the public at large or in a service industry so he does not really know. He is shy by nature and not outgoing and not particularly confident with people outside of his own work . He has past issues with drink to cope with stress that I don't want to push him in to more stress...there is other stuff so I think maybe my really worry is a comnination of the thought yhat I don't trust him to work it through properly, and I do not fully undestand my role in this all. Deep stuff.

I agree with Bagel that people are being a bit harsh on you OP.

You have done all the child care and worked, fortunately in a job you love, but not well paid, well not every job is welll paid, and you have never had to consider changing this due to DH income.
I really do understand why he wants to live the dream, I have wanted to do this too, but it's not always possible. However every consultant I know earns a lot of money, way more than they did doing the same role as an employee. If he sets up a consultancy now, whilst he is well known in the field, he is learning to run a business whilst feeling comfortable in the role because he has been doing it, or similar, for years, and if he is successful, then you can build a nest egg in order to buy a property, and really start to enjoy life anyway.
His company is likely to offer all sorts of help with career decision making, re employment etc., he must take full advantage of this.
Bouncy castles? Expensive to buy, parents are a nightmare, every weekend in the summer, and little work in the winter. Best friends son does this, has to work as a cleaner and gardener to make ends meet, and he is a single guy. Double decker busses? Really does he really want to ferry school children, drunk wedding/prom parties to and fro. Clearing up sick etc. Sounds dreadful!
When he gets settled, and I'm sure he will, then that would be the time for you to look at improving your job. I think you should remain settled for now, your children will be feeling the effects of this and I think you should try to keep the 'home and school' bit of life as steady as possible.

Senua - all really good points. He has yo get used to these sorts of questing. Perhaps not from me though ! And yes consultancy is ok - his facility is being shut down but there are other facilities all round uk . And Europe . But wil consider my job too x

I've been where your husband is and I think over the next couple of months you just have to ride it out. Give him space to explore his thoughts -- you said he was getting outplacement too so encourage him to have these conversations with the specialists (who will do a better, less emotional job than you of trying to put him straight).

Encourage him to put together a business plan and to play around with ideas but and here is the clincher INSIST he does work experience in the three ideas he's most attached to. He'll soon find the oven cleaner spends most of their time cleaning ovens, and doesn't have a fleet of staff doing it for them. Ditto the bouncy castle guy who earns nothing in the winter. Oh and get him to price up a bus driving course, it's around £5k iirc.

Don't block his ideas, encourage him to explore them. REmember he'll be dealing with the emotional fallout of ending a 20 year career.

Oh and if you want financial stability, sort out your wages!

Perhaps he could compromise and buy a franchise with already established accounts and customer base? You can look at the books to see what the returns actually are if you carry on as it has previously been run, and bring enthusiasm to try to grow the takings, but you aren't just guessing about what might make money.

We bought a double decker bus, it only just pays for itself. It costs to store and insure and to fix. They only go about 45 miles per hour which is quite interesting when wanting to take it long distances and you have to take the longer route sometimes to avoid low hanging bridges.

How about killing Japanese knot weed instead?

Just a stray thought: could your career or related skills be paid more if you were in charge of your own business? I don't know, a kennels or something? It could be for you both together and you'd not need to completely abandon your background?

Thanks 50 shades. Have a lot to think about and talk to him . Money is not everythibg but I don't think myself or the children thrive on lack of security. This discussion has made me re evaluate all of it . Fascinating stuff. And I have drunk waay too much coffee reading all this !

What are the other people on the redundancy programme doing in their future lives? Does he want to team up with any of them.

Lonnyvony - brilliant tips. Of course. Redundancy buys him time if nothing else. Great suggestions re research. Franchise are another option he is looking at best - thanks so much. Smeared - amazing thanks - upu are actually doing it !!! Would you do it again given the chance or is it a no no ....gather not by Japanese weed comment ? X hmmm - lady - am liking u our stray thought VERY much ! ...!! Will keep u posted xx

Just popping on today that it's give and take. Yes, he's been doing a job he's not passionate about, but then you've forfeited career progression and opportunities by working part time and doing the child care.

I know a fair few people who have been made redundant with big packages. The best idea is to have something lined up for when he finishes - more of the same, so yes boring, but doesn't involve much extra brain power - and then to think about what next and gradually reduce hours. Also with consultancy (depending on the field) you can do blocks of work. So he could take a month off between projects and use it for business planning (and research).

Consultancy is also not a bad way to get a tiny taste of what it's like not having all the perks of a full time corporate benefits package.

The idea of you retraining too in nursing isn't a bad one either.

But Please, please don't quit your job/not retrain in order to work for him in setting the business up, unless you have a contract and salary. Otherwise you're out of the job market, losing skills and income to work for free on someone else's project. This puts you in a very vulnerable position.

I think you need to (along with other staff possibly) put a case to your bosses for a raise. If you're not FT (I'm sorry, I couldn't recall) alongside this, can you take on other related work - dog walking, a role in another practice?

You mentioned BTL earlier. I'd discourage you. Your own home should be a priority, and as a LL you need a good emergency fund to cover boilers/dodgy tenants/whatever else, so not a short- to medium-term money-spinner.

Senua - they are mostly relocating within the company or another comanpy or early retirement. It is around 18 other people.