AIBU at husbands dramatic career change?

[Curtains77]

Hi all! Try to keep this short as genuinely cannot work out if iabu - husband has been doing same skilled professional job for 20 years an is about to be made redundant in about 3 months' time - with a lump sum. InitI ally, we were quite excited at the possibility of change , opportunity. We are both 40 this year so it seems like a great chance to just go for it and chase a dream.
This is where it goes a bit wrong - he is a dreamer , not so practical and has always beens protected if you like , by working for a big multinational and all the benefits that brings. (Think good pension, healthcare, flexible time , parental leave paid etc etc) and so I feel he is not thinking things through completely. For instance the ideas he has so far come up with are ; an oven cleaning franchise business, a pop up gin bar , a bouncy castle and inflatable hire business, buying two double decker buses and renting out for school trips ....
For my part , I am hugely risk- averse - I grew up piss-poor and I don't want that for our children . AIBU to want DH to take the safe option of consultancy work in his field his degree and skills are in which pays excellently, and work is plentiful . The downside is that it will usually working away in the week which he is really against. However, this provides financial stability now with the possibility of greater stability in the future?
He says I am too negative and anxious and I am effectively putting down every single idear he has. I think I am a realist and more practical and trying to avoid a disaster? Am I a cow ? Any replies gratefully received ...!

Can he not do both? Try his new business idea with the odd contract on the side to balance it out?

Sorry that sounded wishy washy - I could leave my profession and be paid more in macdonalds- sad but true. I think you are all right - the compromise is to sit down and work living numbers out, and possibly plans, run past the banks for their opinions, however keep consultancy on the cards as an alongside and /or plan b . Work experience is a great idea thank you ! And he is in touch with recruitment agencies - obviously they chased him . We only live about 70 miles from london so most places are commutable within 2 hours or so . Thanks everyone for your genuinely constructive comments - I knew I could rely on MN !

I do work but it's a job I love that of course does not pay well - you are U to demand that your husband carries on with a career that he does not love for financial security, if you are not willing to do the same.

He is U, trying to jump head first into business without doing any research. What was the number of start-ups that fail, 90%?

Your choice of a low paying career made sense at the time but may no longer do so. If you want/need to earn more you will need to consider other jobs and fields that are better paid.

He is BU to get angry with you for questioning his business plans/approach. His plans don't sound at all thought through, and money is an issue.

After 20 years of a high pressure job I think he's earned the right to a change of scene. I don't think it's fair to expect him to keep working away from home if he isn't keen.

Mummy makes a good point about setting up on your own though. It takes a huge amount of energy and resource.

I think you support him with this, it will probably be the only chance he gets to do it but with the following conditions:

• He agrees on one business idea
• He researches it, does up a business plan etc
• He goes to see a business advisor (in Ireland we have Enterprise Boards where you can go and get advice etc on your business plan, tax issues etc etc and whether the business is viable I'm sure there is equivalent in UK)
• He researches all possible start your own business grants etc open to him
• He does all the necessary start your own business courses on offer

If he is serious about setting up a business all the above he will enjoy and it will ensure that he is more likely to succeed. Having a good idea does not mean you will have a successful business

As you're in the lower paying job can you run his business in the early days until it's a secure enough income source for him to focus on?

Regardless, his plans don't sound like they are particularly well thought out or researched. He needs to do thorough market research, financial forecast and customer acquisition plan before he invests any money into anything.

Have the company actually put in writing how much of a payoff he is getting, because a year's salary is way more than statutory redundancy payment.

Mummymeister - thanks for sharing your experiences. I wonder if he had considered all those things such as flexibility and 24/7 . Just to be clear - do you mean , in theory , as a qualified professional myself , I should come out of my profession to go work in macdonalds in order to contribute to our collective stability ? One of us had to provide also the childcare and nuts and bolts of parenting too . I suppose by default that has always been me as I am the part time/low earner. But I think I see what you are saying.

I wonder whether he just wants a break from it all. I would be very wary of franchises as they tie you in and make the company money predominantly. Things like oven cleaning companies are all over the place so I think he'd struggle making money at that.

My friend runs a mobile fish and chip van and earns a stack of money doing that. So things like food can make money but you need to do it well.

It's hard to judge as it's not absolutely clear if he just bouncing ideas around for now or if he would actually plunge headlong into one tomorrow given half the chance. Most business fail but equally even the most successful entrepreneurs started with a small business.I dare say you've heard of Stagecoach. They started off with one bus which they drove themselves. Now look at them. If he does sufficient research and planning and if you both agree parameters I don't see why not.

Yes, if your occupation pays so very little it makes sense to consider a change to earn more. Although obviously things like flexibility in hours / time off for parenting need to be taken into account.

Your H similarly needs to consider what he can earn in different jobs.

Or you could cut your outgoings.

Starting a business is a much, much higher risk option than both of you seeking a job, and might not be affordable.

I was about to say that is what happens when women don't earn their own money (I always worked full time and earn more than other half)... so never mattered what he did as I earned most of the money!

Anyway you are where you are. I think he should do consulting to start with him in his field and if he is keen to do a business do it in h is spare time - eg he could get his bus driver licence (no mean feat by the way) and do the party bus at weekends.

Mst of those ideas are not very good ones I'm afraid. there was a benefits programme on TV where the people were given a load of cash and one picked one or two of those ideas - I am not sure how will it all succeeded. They are ideas people with not many other skills take up. usually you make money by going into something other people can't. I earn a fair bit in my own business because most people don't have the skills I have.

Can he not do something related to his current skills or even use the redundancy sum as a 25% deposit on a buy to let flat which is probably likely to work better for him and the family financially.

Could he do consultancy three days a week and start the business up in the other two days? Then after six months, decide which one takes priority?

Just to be clear - do you mean , in theory , as a qualified professional myself , I should come out of my profession to go work in macdonalds in order to contribute to our collective stability ?

Not necessarily, but it didn't seem to have crossed your mind to start with that you could maybe step up more on bringing in income, but that's it's all on him. If you work part-time, perhaps there's room for you to take on more hours or create an additional income stream?

I don't think he should go into a new business half-cocked by any means and you're right to be dubious of all these varied ideas with no back-up, but I think there's room for supporting him in something other than the safest of safe options.

I think you need to encourage him to ensure he does thorough market research before jumping in. That's the main thing - establishing if there's actually any demand for whatever it is.

So the options are throw himself head first into a business which he might not be avke to run and which might flop and you having to work in McD's to keep a roof ooveryour head

Or

Do consultancy and be away from his faniky which he specifically doesbt want to do.

Isn't there a compromise?? Have a month off, pick up ad hoc consultancy to keep money coming in. Cost us a few business ideas and if one is tenable run it parallel to consultancy weaning one up and one down

Just for some information, I started a business 11 years ago now.

It is still going, however

1. It takes far more time than I ever anticipated DH eventually gave up work to help me and we now mange it together - it is now a big profitable business but very very stressful
2. It made NO PROFIT AT ALL for the first 2 1/2 years - we lived on DH's wages - all the money made needed to be re-invested to grow and develop the business.
3. We have had some great years but 2013 we recorded a loss of £30,000 (for many reasons) this meant in our 7th year of operation we could take no wages AT ALL. We manages as we had savings but it was HARD....
4. I can see the fine line I am treading every day, where sucess can turn to failure, we have had a major fraud in the last year that could have sunk us if we hadn't been on the ball and spotted it early.
5. Stress is an everyday feature of my (our) lives....
6. I have seen many businesses fail, some entirely beyond the owners control I would be wary about doing the same thing again.
7. As a minimum you need to be able to live on one persons wages whiile the other bulds the business.

(apologies for spelling)

Is there something that isn't consulting that he could do within the field of his expertise? A former colleague was made redundant and went on to develop cloud software and an app which addressed a common issue in the industry, and used their industry contacts to get started with sales etc.

YABVU so it is ok for you to do a job you love but doesn't pay well but not for him? If money and security is that important to you, why don't you do a job that you like less and that pays more. If he has done 20 years in the same job, surely he should be allowed to explore other options. He can always return to consultancy/paid employment if that doesn't work.

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*YABVU so it is ok for you to do a job you love but doesn't pay well but not for him? If money and security is that important to you, why don't you do a job that you like less and that pays more. If he has done 20 years in the same job, surely he should be allowed to explore other options.

^
This

I'd have thought the double decker idea is a bit of a no-goer - didn't schools stop using them years ago after that one that tipped over? Unless that's just locally.

I am the one who has started a business after being made redundant. Actually I did two of them.
First one never really go of the floor. Second is doing well enough considering I cant work full time due to ill health.

What I have learnt from that

• no way I would ever have done that wo knowing we could live jut on DH wages
• working for yourself is different than for a compay. You can do a job in a compay half heartedly and wo really enjoying it. Not so much if it's your own compay. You need to BELIEVE in what you do, whatever it is.
• a follow on from that is that its not because an idea sounds really good on paper finance wise that this will work for you. Even more than for an employed job, you need the skills and the interest necessary for that job.
• dont ever start a business wo some finacial advice (a good accountant will be able to do that). The questions you are asking are ones that HE should be aksing himself. I would be weary of anyone who doesn't
• hours of work are likely to be unsociable (eg boncy castle idea means working every weekend, bank hols etc...)

BUT (positive point there!)

• being self employed allowed me to carry on working even though I am now chronically ill.
• i have the freedom to fit my business around me
• if i am looking at my wage per hour, Im earning as much as dh (manager position) whiilst doing something I truly enjoy.

My advice would be to be EXTREMELY CAREFUL in choosing what sort business he wants to run. I would advise him to did deep and look at what makes him tick, what sort of skills he has etc... and THEN look at what sort of business would work for him. Not the other way around.
Once he has an idea of what type of busines works for him, then look at the viability of it.
My first business failed because I was trying to do the very thing I hated (cold sale and for me a meaningless work) fwiw.

Cross post with summerlovinggirl^!