AIBU at husbands dramatic career change?

[Curtains77]

Hi all! Try to keep this short as genuinely cannot work out if iabu - husband has been doing same skilled professional job for 20 years an is about to be made redundant in about 3 months' time - with a lump sum. InitI ally, we were quite excited at the possibility of change , opportunity. We are both 40 this year so it seems like a great chance to just go for it and chase a dream.
This is where it goes a bit wrong - he is a dreamer , not so practical and has always beens protected if you like , by working for a big multinational and all the benefits that brings. (Think good pension, healthcare, flexible time , parental leave paid etc etc) and so I feel he is not thinking things through completely. For instance the ideas he has so far come up with are ; an oven cleaning franchise business, a pop up gin bar , a bouncy castle and inflatable hire business, buying two double decker buses and renting out for school trips ....
For my part , I am hugely risk- averse - I grew up piss-poor and I don't want that for our children . AIBU to want DH to take the safe option of consultancy work in his field his degree and skills are in which pays excellently, and work is plentiful . The downside is that it will usually working away in the week which he is really against. However, this provides financial stability now with the possibility of greater stability in the future?
He says I am too negative and anxious and I am effectively putting down every single idear he has. I think I am a realist and more practical and trying to avoid a disaster? Am I a cow ? Any replies gratefully received ...!

On this "Every single colleague vn I know who has a mortgage (we are a resounding 95% female profession btw) only has it by inheritance or by marrying s higher earner . What does that say ? There are, of course career vet nurse but I can count them on two hands nationally speaking. We are restricted in snd out the workplace I feel."

It is because some women choose low paid work. My lawyer daughters own property. They picked law. Obviously we all encourage our teenagers to pick higher paid work as what is the point of a life of poverty but not everyone is able to make that kind of choice or would not pass the exams to do it I suppose. People should not assume women cannot earn their own money and support their own families. Plenty of us do!

7461Mary
Its not just that women chose low paid work, its also that jobs that a predominantly done by women tend to be low paid. Women's work has historically been undervalued. Not everyone wants to do the sort of jobs that are currently highly paid (I do and I am) but they want the work they are doing to be properly valued rather than seen as the little woman earning a bit of "pin money".

You need to spell out loud and clear to your DH that he (and you) would not be allowed to be a Company Director (with all the legal and statutory responsibilities that entails) until his bankruptcy is discharged.

www.simplybusiness.co.uk/knowledge/articles/2010/11/2010-11-16-bankruptcy-and-your-business-can-i-run-a-business-while-bankrupt/

Furthermore, in the years following discharge, getting credit will be tough.

So Ltd Co is out of reach for many years. Sole trader is an option but you'll have to be completely self financing with no access to credit so will need reserves if experiencing cash flow problems.

Bonkers really.

Bank the money and use as a house deposit Ina few years time.

Exactly chas x I chose this career from school. I am academically able but perhaps part of my upbringing was to go to work not education. My choice . But yes wI'll perhaps sit and save and research /try things out for next three years x

Yes I know and it's complex and getting better - women now earn more than men at aged under 30 and more women get degrees than men now too.

However I did and many other can make an active choice to pick work higher paid than other work which tends to mean ilfe is easier. I do think women should consider encouraging their daughters into high paid professions if they can rather than picking something low paid when they get to 14 and start having careers talks at schools.

Eg this lady loves animals I assume and perhaps could have qualified as a vet.

Both the Bouncy Castle & Pop Up Gin bar sound like businesses that he could run whilst still doing some consultancy. Would that be an option to try.
You have not said how much he currently earns, but none of his suggestions sound like they would generate much income to me, except maybe the pop up gin bar, but I could see him having to travel at lot for that to various events.
With what you say about your dh, it dos not sound like he has the personal skills to make a successful business man anyway. Most of the ones I have known to do well, are really good with other people.
Could you suggest that he takes 4-6 weeks off when his job finishes, so that he can de-stress etc from 20years in the corporate world and have a really good think about what he wants to do. Maybe he could offer to 'intern' for some similar businesses to get a better idea of what is involved.
I think you have been given a really hard time on here. I'm sure your husbands career has benefitted from you doing the job that you do.

Think you sound the more sensible of the two of you!

Couples usually plan their budgets around their joint incomes, not around the sole income of the lower earner. So it's totally reasonable to have X outgoings pcm mostly based on the higher earner's salary. If income changes that's very difficult, but even if the OP could earn more, she's unlikely to be able to make such a significant jump in income to cover their household expenses.

So the DH can't muck around with half arsed business ideas because they won't be able to afford it. Maybe OP can earn more, but presumably the DH will also need to aim to earn a certain amount. OP's working hours have significantly reduced childcare costs too which is a big expense.

I think your husband's business ideas need to be delayed for a few years (which should also give him time to think of better ideas).

Is your DH aware that the options he suggested are mainly evening and weekend jobs - you aren't going to give your keys to the oven cleaner to come in whilst you're at work in the day, and kids parties are weekends. If he doesn't like to be away from you and the kids why is he considering job options which require him to work during the time the children are at home? He needs to think about what he wants from the job - what hours he wants to work, what he likes doing out of his current post and what skills he has / doesn't have, and to escalate from there.

It is true that you should look at increasing your income. But equally, the flipside to that is that if you're rebalancing things so you take on more of the earning duties, DH will need to in his turn take on more of the home and family stuff. If he's away a lot during the week, he's likely a stranger to the daily grind of uniforms, packed lunches, mufti outfits with minimal notice etc. It may be that he doesn't like that as much as he thinks he will! But fundamentally, there are two sides to this coin. So you both need to understand that if a job allowing you to bear the domestic burden is no longer good enough due to the wages, that potentially means someone else doing what you used to do.

Also tbh you both sound pretty financially unaware. I think you could both do with some financial education. His business ideas sound like pie in the sky really. Agree with posters who said it would be better if he had a clear idea what he wanted to do rather than just the vague idea of having his own business (self-employed, obv).

There doesn't seem to be a lot of money savvy in your household. That's ok though because it can be learned. It would be an investment in your family, and you're worth that time and effort.

Think twice about franchises. An awful lot of them seem to be set up with the sole idea of parting the unwary from their money.

If the businesses were that brilliant the people selling the franchises would be actually doing the business themselves!

Something to remember is that one of the reasons long-serving employees get bigger redundancy payments than shorter serving employees is how long it takes for them to find a new role at a similar level.

Dont blow that redundancy payment on failed businesses as you may well need it to prop up your income while your DH finds well paying roles.

Contracting/consultancy sounds good but there are a lot of unpaid days chasing for new contracts.

Seriously bank the redundancy money for emergencies and a house deposit when will you ever have that kind of money all at once again.

In the meantime you need to ask for a payrise. Your hourly rate should be equal to or in excess of the cleaner and if your employer doesn't agree start applying for jobs elsewhere (they may change their mind when you are offered a job elsewhere).

Your husband needs time you adjust and some support but he needs to be realistic. To avoid completely passing on his chips why not agree on a five year plan. So he gets another job or does consultancy work and saves a lump sum to retrain or start a business in future. He needs to wait until the bankruptcy is discharged before starting a business. In the meantime he can do research, he can train alongside work, he can do weekend and evening work either employed or self employed but he doesn't use the redundancy money to fund it.

Saving the redundancy money is really important as it will be very difficult to buy a house self employed and rent is a massive outgoing if you have an unstable income. You need that buffer as a family.

it seems he is just throwing ideas out there at the moment- i imagine if he is the professional that you say he is, that if he thinks of a good idea, he will research/plan it properly.

you could also be using these 3 months to find a higher paying/ ft job to reduce the stress and strain on dh

Is there an over or undersupply of trained vet nurses where you are OP, or match? If there aren't many, you could play harder ball, but if there are others who'd be glad to replace you, that might be a sign to look for something else.

Dh has come home still full of enthusiasm for said double decker venture. I have been given some great advice and tips on this thread but will try to be more considerate of how he will be feeling ie bit adrift.

Thedog - there us a short supply nationally generally but this is such a popular practice it would nit be difficult for them to find a replacement I am sure. Araiwa - I hope so x

Deux and catagory yes I think,with clarity , it makes sense to play on the safe side for a few years to let the dust settle. This was my original idea but I started the post to see if I was being unreasonable yo ask that of him . Good points gnome about the recruitment stuff and the franchising thank you x

You can't expect him to work in a job he doesn't want just so you can stay in the one you love. The financial burden should be equally shared, it's a partnership.

As long as the domestic burden is equally shared also, of course.

I don't anymore rainbows - I realise it's teamwork x l

Op, I totally get your very reasonable concern about income.

Here are my thoughts. Your dh has put in his 20 years. He has been a stable breadwinner, as have you, for many, many years. It is clear from your posts he has been looking forward to, and thinking about, with great enthusiasm and hope, running his own business and he has a lump sum coming, that he's earned as a result of those years, from his firm to ease the way. Continuing with a consultancy will mean lots of time away which he despises the thought of...

I would advise you to find a way to support him in his dream even if it means some lean or uncertain times. He will always wonder what if, if you never allow him the chance. Let him try this.

You love your job. Let him love his. He is done with his 20 years, it seems clear from your posts, and he wants to do something he loves.

If he wants to rent buses for school trips he could consider school coaches too. My daughters' schools have a network of private school coaches from all over North London with a contract to one company and they have regular work 2 or 4 times a day taking children to and from school long distances, regular money, not just occasional trips. These are fairly new nice coaches, not awful run down old double deckers that will be falling apart.

We can all learn from the Souters - made a fortune in Scotland with a bus company, winning the franchises locally. There is certainly money to be made in buses but he needs to do an awful lot of research and if he's going to drive them himself with a co driver they will both need an HGV licence so set money aside for the course and exam. I would also r ecommend he gets a temporary job as a bus driver for a few months just to learn on the job.

I beg your pardon, I saw 3 years and bankruptcy together and somehow that became three businesses in my head

To be blunt his business ideas sound like a lot of hard work for not much money.

Does he really want to drive buses for a living or does he just want some freedom outside the office for awhile?
I would suggest a long holiday for both of you, especially him.
Then he gets going on the consultancy, earning some real money.
You both save up for a house deposit which will give you both more security in the long run.
He can then think and develop business ideas on the side to eventually get going with one that is a bit more realistic.

If he's had drink and gambling problems i would worry he might effectively gamble this money away on mad schemes. At the same time in an ideal world we'd all have jobs we love to do that pay a living wage! It's a hard one OP

It's all very well asking the OP to quit her current job and earn more, but really that is a very difficult thing to do! No ones going to offer her a 50k job just like that are they? Her current job should be better paid, but we grossly undervalue any type of nursing in this country.

SAHMs who contribute nothing financially don't get jumped on like this on threads. Why is OP being judged way more harshly? I think you've taken some harsh criticism on board with grace Curtains. Your husband's business plan is not sound, but I hope you and him can work out a plan together where you both compromise and both get something that makes you happy. Mutual consideration is key here, you are on the same side!