AIBU at husbands dramatic career change?

[Curtains77]

Hi all! Try to keep this short as genuinely cannot work out if iabu - husband has been doing same skilled professional job for 20 years an is about to be made redundant in about 3 months' time - with a lump sum. InitI ally, we were quite excited at the possibility of change , opportunity. We are both 40 this year so it seems like a great chance to just go for it and chase a dream.
This is where it goes a bit wrong - he is a dreamer , not so practical and has always beens protected if you like , by working for a big multinational and all the benefits that brings. (Think good pension, healthcare, flexible time , parental leave paid etc etc) and so I feel he is not thinking things through completely. For instance the ideas he has so far come up with are ; an oven cleaning franchise business, a pop up gin bar , a bouncy castle and inflatable hire business, buying two double decker buses and renting out for school trips ....
For my part , I am hugely risk- averse - I grew up piss-poor and I don't want that for our children . AIBU to want DH to take the safe option of consultancy work in his field his degree and skills are in which pays excellently, and work is plentiful . The downside is that it will usually working away in the week which he is really against. However, this provides financial stability now with the possibility of greater stability in the future?
He says I am too negative and anxious and I am effectively putting down every single idear he has. I think I am a realist and more practical and trying to avoid a disaster? Am I a cow ? Any replies gratefully received ...!

I agree with Gnome being self employed can be ahrd work and not as lucrative than it looks on paper.

My business is doing well, going on for nearly 10 years now, people know me.
I still had aboout 6~8 months where thigs were VERY quiet (about half of the business i normally have). No explanation as to why. Then suddenly, last month it picked up to 'normal' levels again.
Its hard position to be in when you are the one that the whole family is reliant on imo.

Note: it also depends a lot of the type of business.
My dad was an accountant and had his own business. It vas great for him, great money wise etc... But his clients were staying with him once they had started. Different situation that a bouncy castle business where you need to find clients all the time iyswim. It means the stream of income is much more steady

Oh gawd maybe I have turneed into an entitled cow ! Ugh ...I always vowed I never would! I always felt that being VN was shit money but that was the career I , and 9500 other people , chose and although it was crap money , the job made up for it. I suppose I can't have it both ways and I just never thought about it that way ! [Having identity crisis ]

Also YY about the economy being VERY uncertain atm.
Not the best situation to start a business.....

Payscale.com says an IV vetinary nurse earns 17k, maybe its time to look around if the cleaner is valued financially more than you

Onion - I dI'd not mean that the way you seem to have taken that - I mean I assumed (rightly or wrongly) that I would provide the children and DH the stability whilst he pursues his dream . And yes perhaps be a cleaner ....! There is other relevant history but I wanted an non judgmental look at this situation , irrespective of our past.

Hold on.
This job has served you well if it has also allowed you to be there for your dcs, have less childcare cost etc...
All that HAS to be taken into acciunt when you calculate your taking back home wage.

I am that you are paid less than the cleaner which makes me wonder if you are actually paid at market level iyswim.
Also can you do some further training in that area that would allow you to earn more etc...?

Thanks momma gee - when I found out the cleaner was being paid more I was quite upset but I don't want to sound entitled.

This was my ex( note ex) in the early 2000s. Even down to the bouncy castle. I stupidly let him have the dream and went back to full time work to support all this .The problem is it takes a certain mindset to run your own business and he didn't have it. He had a few other ideas for own businesses as well but didn't see the need for insurance, training , advertising etc It was all part of a massive mid life crisis which resulted in all redundancy money being blown and end of marriage. ( also had an affair ).

Onion - I dI'd not mean that the way you seem to have taken that - I mean I assumed (rightly or wrongly) that I would provide the children and DH the stability whilst he pursues his dream .

That's fine but it's not working out is it? A cleaner earning more than you indicates a problem.

But I work very child friendly hours , the practice is great and the bosses are brilliant. Which believe me is very rare with Vets. I could get all the further qualifications in the world but unless you work for a corporate veterinary empire ,things will not change.

Forgetting the cleaner for a minute, you're earning less than minimum wage? Isn't that illegal?

Fait enough Onion. I hear you, thank you xx maybe things are more deep rooted than I realise. And bloody Nora Debska -that sounds awful and I am so sorry thank you for sharing - its a very poignant point believe me. Maybe that's what it boils down to - I don't believe in him enough. That's awful I am awful for even saying that.

OP has said she earns more than minimum wage, but a low wage.

Mrs Arthur - I never said I get less than the minimum wage - I suggested I would get more working in macdonalds ( I could well be wrong ) certainly cleaners get paid more than me. Sorry if I sound entitled - sigh- that's the problem talking about money.

Karma - I just did not want him to waste his qualifications when he could earn wel -perhaps I am trying to live vicariously through him . Bloody hell I sound like a nutter.

I think it's common to have a bit of an identity crisis post redundancy, especially if you weren't loving the job you had before. These things usually work out OK in the end. It's a huge responsibility to be the sole breadwinner

Is there a possibility that you could train to be a vet, or a human nurse? You're an intelligent woman and the practical experience you now have will help, no? I'm very aware that a vet degree is essentially a medicine one - have a friend who did it - and it takes a long time, but they earn very well. And your work experience would mean you had a better shot of getting a place on any course, surely? And a nurse doesn't earn riches but it's a damn sight better than your current levels.

If you were able to suggest a time-limited stage for him doing the consultancy, during which you would up-skill so you could earn more and he could then follow his dreams, he might be more willing to consider it. Especially as you will be giving yourselves time to improve the credit rating - isn't 6 years usually the golden period for that?

It does seem very unfair that he has to do a job he doesn't enjoy, which would mean he was away from his children for extended periods, so you can do a low-paid job that you love. He's making all the sacrifices there. I think you need to have a long conversation on what you can both do.

Having said all that, working as your own boss will probably mean he sees very little of you all. That's the deal, isn't it, when you run your own business? Especially one that is busiest in the usual leisure hours. So it's risky, and doesn't solve his issues over being away from you all.

The thing is that if you actually checked with a recruitment agency you might be able to get child friendly hours at a higher hourly rate. You presumably have a lot of transferable skills.

It's not entitled to want to earn more than the cleaner in a professional career! Good god, have some self esteem!

Have you even raised it with your employers? I bet not. Perhaps a chat might be in order and a reminder that you could earn more as a part time receptionist elsewhere. They may give you a pay rise.

I think some people are being a bit harsh! Yes, you're working for a low wage but that gives you the freedom to do all the childcare stuff which he hasn't had to think about, and which would have to have been paid for if you were working longer hours anyway. He has benefited from this over his working life so it shouldn't be ignored.

If you don't own your own house, then I think it would be criminal to start a new business and sink redundancy money into that. As you said, he could do consulting work for a couple of years and get the family into a much improved financial situation. Then think about his own business. It doesn't sound very promising that he has about 20 ideas (all of which are quite well-known ones). Does he really want a bouncy castle business?! Every weekend, loads of screaming kids, health and safety issues, liability insurance etc etc

If you had savings, owned your own house etc then yes, maybe, but I think you need to address other issues first.

Thanks youhavetibekidding x I am a worrier by nature and he isn't - we will be ok am sure x

You don't sound like a nutter, and I can see where you're coming from - he has the higher earning capacity and your set-up has obviously worked well for your family over the years. That said, it's not fair for him to take all the financial burden and associated stress, esp. if he has to do a job he hates and be away all the time, while you do a job you love for low pay.

However, I would suggest that all of his ideas are quite unrealistic, those markets are saturated and it looks like what he actually hopes to do is work a day or two a week and bring in six figures.

The school buses, for example, is a market in which margins are tight. You won't earn a living unless you have several coaches that are out all the time. The odd school trip isn't going to cut it. DP, for instance, used to be a coach driver (for a company) and a typical day was a secondary school run at sparrow's fart, then 9am - 3pm ferrying primary school children to swimming lessons or on school trips, then back to the secondary school for the evening school run, and maybe once a week in the evening he'd have to take the local football team's supporters to an away match, or a youth club to the ice rink an hour away, etc.

I think he needs to be a lot more realistic, but there has to be room for compromise - if work in his industry is plentiful, he should be able to keep his hand in whilst giving one of his ideas a go.

I hope it works out for you both!

You don't sound like a nutter at all. You sound like someone with very reasonable worries - a pipe-dream consuming a large payout is a worry. But I think there are two issues here: one is that he is sensible over the money, and the other is how the two of you balance your hopes and dreams for your own working lives with the demands of your family.

There's nothing wrong with doing something you love rather than for the money. However, I find it hard to tally that with your desire for stability and good income. It puts a lot of pressure on your husband.

So while I agree none of his ideas are well thought out, I feel you need to work with him so that he too can find something fulfilling. The pressure of being the primary bread winner can get a person down.

You could suggest he buys a Mickey Mouse outfit (approx £80) and sets up on Facebook as a mascot at children's parties. You can charge about £25-30 for a short visit just to say hello to the kids and be in photos when they cut the birthday cake. That's a modest outlay, which he would recoup fairly quickly and it's a way to test out other options. Likely, he would quickly decide it's not for him, but that's OK, he's tried it