AIBU at husbands dramatic career change?

[Curtains77]

Hi all! Try to keep this short as genuinely cannot work out if iabu - husband has been doing same skilled professional job for 20 years an is about to be made redundant in about 3 months' time - with a lump sum. InitI ally, we were quite excited at the possibility of change , opportunity. We are both 40 this year so it seems like a great chance to just go for it and chase a dream.
This is where it goes a bit wrong - he is a dreamer , not so practical and has always beens protected if you like , by working for a big multinational and all the benefits that brings. (Think good pension, healthcare, flexible time , parental leave paid etc etc) and so I feel he is not thinking things through completely. For instance the ideas he has so far come up with are ; an oven cleaning franchise business, a pop up gin bar , a bouncy castle and inflatable hire business, buying two double decker buses and renting out for school trips ....
For my part , I am hugely risk- averse - I grew up piss-poor and I don't want that for our children . AIBU to want DH to take the safe option of consultancy work in his field his degree and skills are in which pays excellently, and work is plentiful . The downside is that it will usually working away in the week which he is really against. However, this provides financial stability now with the possibility of greater stability in the future?
He says I am too negative and anxious and I am effectively putting down every single idear he has. I think I am a realist and more practical and trying to avoid a disaster? Am I a cow ? Any replies gratefully received ...!

It sounds a bit like he has taken his turn doing something he doesn't like to support the family, and you in doing what you love, and maybe it is time to return the favour? I would be doing all possible to compromise and try to support him in finding something more fulfilling, even if it meant changing jobs myself

Aaagh I typed a big long post on here and deleted ! Sorry. Dulra - thanks great advice. And you are right this is literally a once in a lifetime opportunity for us. Indigox - yes that is absolutely a possibility and if he goes forward with a startup I am ready to be there with whatever skills I can offer and support him to give it our best shot. Womble -we know it's a very very good redundancy package and we are extremely lucky and that's partly why I am so shit scared of messing it up . 7461Mary - I kjow. And if I knew when I was 18 what I know now of course I would not be in this position. I would have found a way somehow to be financially independant but ultimately it comes down a bit to circumstance and a bit to choices. I take responsibility for not aiming higher in my career. Anyway , I never drew the parallels some of uou have drawn with my career and his. Of course - it sounds obvious now you have pointed out how I had not even thought about what I am trying to stwer him towards - he has a right to have a go at doing something he might enjoy !

Bouncy castle business is a saturated market. Bus business hiring to school-- who will drive said bus? Must have dbs checked, liability insurance, bus maintenance and repair..

You have to play devils advocate with these things but also if you don't gamble you will never know.

I'd have thought the double decker idea is a bit of a no-goer - didn't schools stop using them years ago after that one that tipped over? Unless that's just locally.

Schools in Essex at least still use them.

Exactly I feel like a devil's advocate. And I don't want to be selfish - he has spent years doing something he does not particularly enjoy.

Actually following on from pink peppers....

Think about what you like doing, much of running your own business is "management"

So with Bouncy castles, you will be taking bookings and payments then employing drivers to take them out an set them up, and fielding complaints.... you can be a one man band but won't make much money.

I watched a business set up guide once and the advice was "If you want to make pies, do it as a hobby, don't set up a business making pies" - basically the jist was that you will end up employing people to make the pies - the part you want to do, while you manage the business which may be what you want to get away from!

What's your skilled job in which you earn less then minimum wage OP?

The bus hire bit caught my eye as that's DS's dream plan at the moment.
Bus driving experience days, wedding hire etc could be a possibility, but is he the sort who can do his own basic mechanicking?
If he's talking of getting two buses, who is he thinking will drive the other one - you?
Applying for a PCV licence is the first hurdle and is quite pricey.
Where would he keep them? (DS's answer to this is 'on the driveway', which is Not Going to Happen.)

Another possibility that Dulra mentioned was buy to let as an investment. Because of my aforementioned failed business we are on bankruptcy register for 3 more years and don't even own our own house . So bad credit and no collateral is nit a great place to start. That is why the consultancy seems attractive to save and save and save to buy a house in 3 years to live in . Ultimate security. However, up until now I never considered my own role in this financially.

Ha ha - a tail ! Hope you have a big driveway !

Couldn't stuff like the bouncy castle hire be ran during the weekend. Let him build the business up and then, if, and only if it's successful he can start to scale back his hours on the consultancy side. Then if the bouncy castle side does badly etc, he still has a 'proper' wage coming in and your not 100% reliant upon the side business.

The bus side of thing I can imagine the overheads being very high, maintenance, cost, drivers, insurance. All that will be expensive and I think you need a different licence. Also where will he store it?. If he's hiring a bus to a school will he need a driver etc. Or would the school drive it. If so that might reduce his potential customer base. If he employed a driver are they going to work on an ad hoc basis.

I can understand the appeal of being in business for yourself. I would love to do it, but don't have the guts or the money to actually do it. After working for someone for so many years he may find it quite liberating to be his own boss.

Alternatively can't he do his own consultancy business? That way it's the best of both worlds?

Erm... nope!

And no, he does not have much mechanic experience. Tinkering does not count does it ? He was talking about employing a driver and a mechanic ... I mention overheads of that and he gets huffy !

This is going to possibly sound a bit harsh. But I'm honestly not trying to be. I can't think of a gentle way to say it.
You are coming across as a bit entitled.
Why do you get to do a job you love, while he is a wage slave for you?
If a man was in your position he would get ripped apart. And quite rightly.
How do you feel about your DP aside from him bank rolling your comfortable life?
I do get that he needs to research and business plan before committing to whatever he does next. But to me it sounds like he wants to do something he can enjoy while being a larger part of your family.
He just isn't quite sure what it is yet. Which is fair enough.

Thanks chips- yes I think it has generally been agreed that that is the best way to do it. Don't jump off cliff till bungee firmly attached.

Own business, whatever it is, is hard work. There is no safety net, no cushion. A downturn in the economy and it is the fledgling businesses with not much history which go under the first.

DH trained as an electrician and started his own business. After a couple of years he wound it up as remaining qualified was costing as much as he earned.

I was made redundant from a professional job about 5 years ago after 20 odd years with the same company. The payout was good (sounds similar to your DH's). Also the company offered career counselling etc.

Initially I was thinking I would go into consultancy/contracting. I had a few placements and made a living but not as good as my previous salary. Day rates were good but there were days inbetween when I wasnt earning: holidays, public holidays, shutdown periods etc etc.

Eventually I went back into the corporate world.

Let your DH daydream. Perhaps encourage him to take a month or so off once the redundancy is finalised. Set a time limit to this timeout. At the end of it he signs on at the job centre. I actually found this very helpful as it forced me to actively pursue work rather than deluding myself.

You work full time but would earn more in McDonald's? Are you serious? That is massively self indulgent, sorry.

I definitely would take a sharp look at your own career. Yes you are professionally trained....but that doesn't really mean squat if you're barely making minimum wage. You may love it and have loads of experience but you have to question if staying in the profession is actually a waste of your working hours.

If you were independently wealthy I'd say crack on, but not when your husband is being made redundant, and you're bankrupt, no way.

Btw I don't think therebis an opposition between the OP doing what she loves and her DH running (orr not) a business.

of course, doing something you enjoy is important too.
But doing something you enjoy doesn't mean its not well paid.
Nor does iot mean that because one person in the couple is doing something not quite perfect for them, then other should too.

Atm, moving on from that job, her dh needs to find something that ios working for him and the family.
There is no way he can take a decision that will affect the whole family wo his DW support. Or to do something that will make the whole family struggle and/or force the OP in a corner doing something she doesnt enjoy (or more likely ending up with a second job and running herself down at least physically).

I actualy do agree that if you are really worried about finances, it might be worth looking at opportunities youself for a better paid job (that you enjoy!!) but that would be a LT plan and maybe not practical to implement at the same time than what you dh wants to do.

Like tickingthebox above, my DH has had his own business for almost
30 years and some years have been good, some have been fantastic and some (during the last recession and this year post -Brexit) bloody awful. The uncertainty is draining, the responsibility 24/7, even if you have good staff and the commitment has to be 100%.

If your DH had something that he'd been longing to do all his life, if only he wasn't tied to a desk job, it might be different, but the fact he doesn't seem to have any real passion for a particular venture rings alarm bells. If you can find a business that you're both willing to get completely immersed in, then go ahead and research it, but do tread carefully. I would be very wary of ploughing all my redundancy money into a project with the UK in such uncertain times (assuming you're in the UK?).

Right well with the bus idea. For example. If he purchased two old route masters he would probably be able to find enthusiasts to get involved on a practice level at quite peppercorn wages. Sounds like a dream job for a retired person wanting to top up a pension with a paid hobby tbh.

No amenacing - I hear you . I don't mean to be entitled. I never really thought about how I actually saw DH in a work way. It's just always been the way - I worked part time ( I am a veterinary nurse btw for a small business - I don't get minimum wage but as I know the cleaner gets paid a pound and hour more than me !) And took care of all childcare arrangements and he always earned stacks more but woke up Monday morning feeling pissed off. I want you all to be direct I am asking for your opinions - warts and all ! I think I do need to be more supportive. I will definately take that away from this ...

You don't sound a very good financial partner! You caused bankruptcy and work full time for less than minimum wage. What a mess.

If they're literally paying the cleaner more than you then you need to look for another job love, cos they're pulling the piss.

Either that or become a cleaner, and no I'm not joking either.

Re. the bus idea chances are schools already have their own longstanding coach hire providers they use regularly, and have done for years. How does he plan to get around this with no real knowledge about the industry?

You don't sound a very good financial partner! You caused bankruptcy and work full time for less than minimum wage. What a mess.

I was just thinking this, and was slightly when OP said up until now I never considered my own role in this financially.

I mean, really?