Embarrassing to ask.... Not very British.... But how much REGULAR financial help do you get from your parents/your partner's parents?

[KeepServingTheDrinks]

There are lots of posts on here about people talking about not being able to deal with how controlling their parents/DP's parents are, and so going it alone.

How hard to people who have made that choice find that?

I'm talking about (for example) child care, so help-in-kind (if it's regular).

But also actual money as well

The reason I'm asking is that my (widowed) mother is making choices which I can't get behind.

I've had a lot of help all my adult life. I've had help with all sorts of things.... school uniform, dentist (for me), spends for holidays. Really big proper help.

I'm thinking that because I can't support mum's choices, it would be wrong to take her money. But that's SO easy to write on the internet, and so hard when you've got a job you love which doesn't pay very well.

I suspect I'll get a lot of posters telling me how they've always done it one their own (and, big respect for that). I don't have a lot of earning power. It's not that I could just go and get another job which would earn me more.

anyway, I'm not asking this to talk about myself, but I'm interested in how many people actually have help which is part of their day-to-day lives, or things like help for DCs b.days or Christmas. And if you DON'T have that, and can survive but not thrive, what do you do for high-days-and-holidays?

I apologise if this is extremely naive!

My parents invested in a flat which I lived in with my partner during uni. My mum bought me various groceries if she sees something on offer that she thinks I'd like. They insured me to drive both their cars so that I could get to my weekend job.
When I finished uni and started my career I moved away from where they live. Mum gave me her car and used that as an excuse to buy a new one, and she still picks up groceries every now and then...it just has to be long lasting things since we only see each other every few months! I don't receive any financial support as such - but they are very generous and I am an only child.

Nothing since 16.

My parents are in financial dire straits so it's more that I support them. Never had any financial help since I left home at 16. No help with childcare as they live miles away. MIL helps with odd childcare but I pay her in Sainsburys vouchers because she won't accept money.

Since Uni, no regular cash sums, but they did pay for our wedding, replace the boiler for us, have been generous with finances generally. They've given us occasional generous cash sums for tax reasons, and they rewrote the will of a relative to split an inheritance between myself and my siblings for tax reasons. They also put £500 a year for each grandchild into their CTF accounts.

They help out with childcare 1 day per week, which was a really big deal when the children were little and it saved us on expensive nursery fees. DH's parents also do one day a week.

The help we've been given by them will hopefully mean that we're in a position to do something similar for our children when the time comes. Due to the difference in financial climate, I don't think we'll ever end up as wealthy as our parents, but we're certainly comfortable now, due in part to the help we've been given.

My parents looked after my youngest 3/4 times a week for two years so I could finish my degree. This help was absolutely priceless and that qualification has changed my life in a number of ways. No strings came with that help and now that I am older I recognise more what a commitment that was.

My parents and my ILs (both now dead) were in the category of cheerful no-string givers so dh and I never had any problems in taking gifts from them.

Childcare was rarely on the cards as mine live in a different country and ILs were elderly and frail, but my parents did turn up when both dc were born and were extremely helpful: I have beautiful memories of my dad changing ds' nappy in the small hours of the morning to save me getting out of bed after my section.

Dh's parents gave regular cash presents at Christmas, which we didn't rely on but used for extras like trips. MIL also put some money in an ISA for the children's education. My parents had less money, but when ds was little my mother paid for dc to go to a CM one day a week for the first months so I could get my career back on track as she saw that I was getting depressed about it.

My DM paid for our wedding but that's because she wanted a big traditional wedding (including her own friends invited) and dh and I didn't mind. It was great fun and a beautiful memory, but it's not something I would have thought of myself.

We have never asked either set of parents for money or relied on them offering, but when they saw we needed it they did offer. And in return we did what we could for them: travelling to see them even when it was very exhausting (disabled dc, no car) and funds were low, doing our best for MIL in her last years etc.

Our own dd is now an adult and about to go off to HE. We have been able to save up to help pay for the foundation course she needs and it's a great pleasure to do so. It's not about lack of independence: she has also been working for 2 years and saving up. It's more about pulling together. She would not resent us if we said we couldn't do it, we do not resent doing it.

Mum regularly gives her time and Dad gives more financially but not a regular arrangement, he'll just pick up the tab at family events, occasionally give us 'pocket money' I used to feel really uncomfortable accepting money from him but I've realised as I got older, he missed a lot of our childhood because he was working and we were struggling financially so now he does it to make himself feel better about that and I feel it would be wrong to reject it.

I'll add that as they get older, I'd have no issues in supporting them with my time and financially if required due to the support they've given me.

None whatsoever, emotional, physical or financial since I left home at 18.

I spent many years working in miserable jobs to support myself and have been intermittently out of work but still nothing. My parents attitude was you're an adult so you need to deal with the consequences.

Ironic really as they had a lot of help from their parents.

I will be different when my own kids are adults for sure though don't intend to financially support them forever.

I would never, and have never, asked for any financial help - unless in utter dire straits. However, my Mum often gives me a little money here and there - towards school shoes, for a meal out on holiday etc I think she sees that I rarely spend anything on myself and wants to help out. I really appreciate the money, and her perceptiveness.

None - and I wouldn't want to because I wouldn't want to have any sort of dependency on them.

My parents would give me everything they have - and help massively with childcare - but financially, I am the one helping them (accounting for childcare too).

Disagreeing with some of their choices, or stances, has nothing to do with the financial side of things. It's still difficult to navigate simply because I love them and I don't want to upset or offend them beyond repair.

My Mum babysits my son 4 times a week when I work late, and drops him at school every morning. This is her choice, she decided to retire when he was born to take on the childcare.

We do the food shop together on my day off and she buys various bits and bobs he likes.

She's already started buying new uniform for September, again her choice, I don't have money problems so I can afford to feed and clothe us well but she just likes to do stuff for us.

I know it's the same with extended family and friends, generous parents helping out their adult children and gc, because they want to.

I inherited my house from my Dad and a few thousand pounds as did my Mum, I or rather we blew the money on frivolous shit and a few house repairs/decor.

I know I'm lucky and it's very much appreciated.

I'm really pleased to see that this thread hasn't had a hint of bunfighting yet!

Their attitude is why see us struggle when we are going to get the money anyway and this way they can enjoy seeing us spend it.

This is very much my parents attitude too. They are comfortable, and they lack for nothing. My sister and I will inherit it anyway, and my parents get a huge amount of pleasure from watching their GC (my children) enjoy some of the things that they can provide right now that we couldn't - a swimming pool, fun activities, me being a SAHM for longer than otherwise would have been etc.

They know that they are the lucky generation as far as property values / pensions etc goes and they are very keen to see the benefits trickle down through the generations. It really, really helps that we all (my parents, my sister and my OH and I) have similar attitudes to money and spending - we are all very thrifty! My parent trust us not to fritter money away and we trust them not to overstretch themselves. I think they'd be pretty pissed off if they'd given us money and we'd blown it all on holidays / expensive toys etc but it hasn't been a problem.

They do know a bit about our financial situation and our decisions because we talk openly about them, which might make some people uncomfortable. DH and my dad often have long discussions about investments etc. But that's normal in my family - we've always talked about money, assets, wills (theirs and ours) and who the executors are, POA has been set up, we've talked about my parents getting older etc. DHs family are totally the opposite - he doesn't even know if they've got wills never mind anything else!

I've had no help from my parents financially since in my teens. They're the kind of people who would never offer but would do what they could if asked. I believe as an adult I'm responsible for myself so never felt inclined to ask for help even when we could have done with it. Ironically, or perhaps hypocritically, I help out my adult kids quite a lot, whenever I know or suspect they might be struggling.

Financially. Supported me through uni. Paid for our wedding reception. Bought our first buggy. Dad gifted us about 3 grand one year for tax reasons which was a very nice surprise. They've helped my brother out a couple of times but when they have they've given me the same. Most recently it was to help with moving expenses. They gave my brother and his family some cash to help out, so gave me the same.

Both sets of parents help out with babysitting whenever we need it. When I was working 2 jobs my mum helped out with childcare so I had dc in nursery 3 days and with her for 2 which really helped.

We've never had to ask for any financial help thankfully, but both sets of parents are in a position that they would help if we needed it.

None - although I wish they would and would happily accept any handouts.

None really before I had my son - I was working full time and earning more than her so there was no need.

Since having my son she's helped loads. Pram/Cot/Clothes/Nursery decorated as well as a million toys for DS. She gets me bits of shopping when she knows I'm skint, she's just bulk bought a load of nappies for me, got me a lawnmower... and she only works part time as a catering assistant.

I'll always be grateful. She's a star.

Nothing since the odd hundred quid here and there when I was at university
Parents remortgaged their house to lend me a small deposit to buy my house, but I had to pay their extra mortgage, so it was at nil cost to them, and I had to pay back the outstanding balance after 2 years when I remortgaged

When DH and I got married, we were told to let them know what we wanted as a wedding present - we did. We were then to buy it and let them know how much it was and they would give us the money. It never materialised.
I went NC a few years later for other reasons.

My brothers don't get a penny of help either, but my stepsisters each get £500 a month allowance from dad and stepmother, towards their rent because 'living in London is expensive'. Guess where me and my brothers all live...

None. I am 29, two children.

My parents would help me out with the odd electric bill if I found myself short at uni etc., but it was always a Last Resort and anything I borrowed would always be paid back asap.

I don't need any financial help, but my Dad would help if I ever needed, he's just lovely.

I don't judge others who do have help though..all families have different set ups and ways of doing things.If all are happy with it, go for it.

Oooh should add my MIL owes me a few thousand by now I should think. I seem to still be supporting her even though I am about to divorce her son..

Regular financial help from FIL with no strings attached.

Some inheritance from both sides.