Embarrassing to ask.... Not very British.... But how much REGULAR financial help do you get from your parents/your partner's parents?

[KeepServingTheDrinks]

There are lots of posts on here about people talking about not being able to deal with how controlling their parents/DP's parents are, and so going it alone.

How hard to people who have made that choice find that?

I'm talking about (for example) child care, so help-in-kind (if it's regular).

But also actual money as well

The reason I'm asking is that my (widowed) mother is making choices which I can't get behind.

I've had a lot of help all my adult life. I've had help with all sorts of things.... school uniform, dentist (for me), spends for holidays. Really big proper help.

I'm thinking that because I can't support mum's choices, it would be wrong to take her money. But that's SO easy to write on the internet, and so hard when you've got a job you love which doesn't pay very well.

I suspect I'll get a lot of posters telling me how they've always done it one their own (and, big respect for that). I don't have a lot of earning power. It's not that I could just go and get another job which would earn me more.

anyway, I'm not asking this to talk about myself, but I'm interested in how many people actually have help which is part of their day-to-day lives, or things like help for DCs b.days or Christmas. And if you DON'T have that, and can survive but not thrive, what do you do for high-days-and-holidays?

I apologise if this is extremely naive!

Not a penny since I was 16. No childcare help either.

I'm an adult. I wouldn't accept money from another adult.

No ongoing financial help because we haven't needed it. No help with childcare as we have always had nannies. We have left kids at their house with the nanny when we've had a few child free days away. Both sets of parents are wealthy and insisted on paying for our wedding though, and that was a six figure sum, very generous.

Lots through my twenties, but I was in and out hospital then. None now I'm in remission. But having said that, I do get occasion gifts etc and I would want to do the same for my kids. But these posts always produce the "I never got a penny from the day I turned 16 and I worked down a coal mine to put myself through university" brigade. I am not sure I see the shame in families helping each other.

Nothing from my parents from age of 16 apart from birthday, Christmas and clothes/gifts now and again for DS.

DH's parents live in a poor country so we send them money each month and pay their phones and internet so we can keep in touch. Also buy biggish purchases every so often, a fridge for example as they've never had one.

They pay some/most/all when I go on holiday with them approx 1x per year.

Gave me tens of £k towards a house deposit.

No help from either set of parents since we were 18 and left for university. No childcare now we have kids, no on going financial help, we paid rent when we went home in the holidays etc. Very loving parents, very supportive in other ways but no money. My sister and I have been treated exactly the same as one another but PIL have given substantially more to his siblings than dp, they also married people from wealthier families so have had houses bought, cars bought windows replaced etc.

There have been time in our lives when we have been very, very broke and some help would have been made things much, much easier but it honestly never occurred to us to ask. I feel a bit....odd about this now I have dc of my own as I would hate for them to struggle rather than ask.

I'm always amazed when I hear about some of the things my friends have received and the nonchalance with which they receive them, a friend recently said that £4000 had been transferred into her account by her mum because she'd helped my friends brother out with some money and wanted her to have the same. Another friend's parents do 4 full days childcare a week for their 2 young dc- she just say 'they really enjoy it' and seem to have little concept of what that help would cost to replace.

Nothing.

But these posts always produce the I never got a penny from the day I turned 16 and I worked down a coal mine to put myself through university" brigade. I am not sure I see the shame in families helping each other.

Shame? SHAME!

Did it occur to you that some families cant afford to give their children anything? So the alternative is pay your own way thru uni and life. You know act like the adult that you are.

My father gives me some money every month. Not because he's the world's best dad but because he's a disinterested emotional desert who thinks money is a substitute for being a father. If I didn't need it I'd tell him to poke it. Neither of my parents nor Mr Elbows' father is in the blindest bit interested in us or our children.

We are mostly self sufficient. I paid my parents rent as soon as I had a Saturday job at 15. I had a loan and grant to get through uni. They did contribute, as a one-off, with a £5k gift towards my first house deposit, and both them and in-laws contributed some money for our wedding. I'm not expecting anything else from them. Neither set live close enough for babysitting.

Even though my parents are abusive they paid for my food, clothes, college and some driving lessons. When I was struggling when I had my first job and when ds1 was born they did buy some food. But it wasn't given freely. Over the years we earned more than them, so paid for their holidays and expensive luxuries they wanted but couldn't afford. The guilt I felt for them buying food when we couldn't afford to was immense. Especially when I couldn't afford to buy food for my dcs. I knew what a failure I was.
I'm proud that everything I have I worked for, as my parents used money to be nasty.

I meant food and clothes growing up.

Freeniki.... read the thread. A number of posters say they would feel"ashamed" to receive family financial help as an adult

My dad gives us money every month and I'm not ashamed in the slightest. Exactly the same as elbows.

Unless you're issue is with how your mum earns her money, I wouldn't give it a second thought tbh.

Never had regular help but my mum did come and stay with me for 3 months in a foreign country to help with the kids when I was having a bit of a meltdown. She's also been and stayed with my sibling (again foreign country) when they were stuck for childcare. She's also stayed with the kids a couple of times so that we could go on holiday.

Apart from a donation to my wedding I've not had financial help since I was about 14. I'm sure if she'd have had money she would have helped but she's never been well off.

None here from 20, my husbands parents loaned him some money for his uni fees, but he paid it back with interest when he got a part time saturday job. My parents give me money now and then for the kids (birthdays and Christmas) but that goes straight into their account.

Not a penny since leaving for uni (age 19) Sorry!

Most people I know get practical help like babysitting but no money. (Just gifts at Xnas/birthday)

Both sets of parents have helped us out throughout the years, not that we needed or asked they wanted to get furniture, prams etc for baby or money towards our wedding etc.

Mil and mother watch kids during the week which will stop after summer when youngest stars school.

Very grateful for everything our parents do for us and kids.

Nothing regular as such, but my dad bought me a house a couple of years ago, as he'd unexpectedly got some inheritance money from an aunt that passed away and said he couldn't see the point in it just sitting in his bank as he didn't need much and I'd inherit it when he died anyway.

Did the OP return to the thread?

Never received anything from the day I left home and moved 400 miles away aged 18 in 1982.
A few years later when I was 25 my Dad lent me and my boyfriend money for flights to Australia. I was in a low paid job but I paid him back monthly.
My DP is exactly the same. We've both always suppported ourselves but then it just wouldn't have worked for either of us to have been supported by our parents.
My mum died four years ago and left some money - Dad is well off and said he had no need of it so he gave us £10,000 of it to use towards a new kitchen we were having fitted.
That was a real treat and we felt very privileged.

My parents provide after school care and helped with nursery fees when I was at uni: otherwise I could not have afforded it. They occasionally help pay for big expenditures for ds. I never ask though.

Since finishing uni and moving out my parents paid for my wedding, helped with a deposit for our first house, bought pram and car seat for pfb and help out with buying ds clothes and things. We pay for all our childcare and ds is in full time nursery. We don't get regular financial help but have had assistance with the big things in life. I hope we can do the same for our dc's.

Zero in terms of financial or childminding help. We neither want nor expect any. We are too far away for personal help and both of us decided that when it comes to money, we will only use what we can earn by ourselves. Our parents invested enough to make us self-sufficient.