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Original poster

Not a single reply to invites - should I cancel?

398 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 13:10

I moved house recently into a lovely little road of 24 houses. It's a very well established area, and I thought it might be a nice idea to get to meet all the neighbours by inviting them to drinks and tea in the garden on 25th June

Thing is, it's a fortnight now since I put the invitations through the doors and I've not had even one reply (I've not upset them, honest ... I haven't been here long enough, even if I'd wanted to Wink)

I absolutely get that folk are busy and that not everyone RSVP's these days, but since I've not had even one reply I'm wondering if I should just forget the whole thing - I really don't want to decorate the garden, make tea for a crowd and then be sitting here alone

Please can anyone advise the best thing to do?

OP posts:
MrsPorth · 12/06/2017 18:53

I think you'll get a few last minute RSVPs and a few just showing up. Enjoy!

FurryTrousers · 12/06/2017 19:19

I think it's a great idea OP - good luck!

MissEliza · 12/06/2017 19:48

Nodowntime that's not true. I lived in dh's home country for over ten years (won't name it in case it IDs me) and in nine years of living in the same apartment building I never got to know my neighbours. People didn't even say good morning. It felt so strange as I'd grown up in a really close knit area.

Rabbityrabbitcarrot · 12/06/2017 19:55

I haven't read the whole thread, however we did this 10 years ago. We live in a cul-de-sac of 6 houses, 4 of the neighbours turned up. Plus about 5 from other streets that we had met in the few weeks we were here.
I had a 3 year old so I think it was easier, but maybe I was lucky that most of the neighbours responded.

I ended up doing heaps of food, veggie option as well so people could help themselves. I got a small bouncy castle for the kids. It was a good night!

Nodowntime · 12/06/2017 20:07

MissEliza,

I didn't say in any other country people are bound to say hello (esp. if it's an apartment building, so presumably a city).
I said I can't imagine OP's situation happening anywhere else(not even anywhere else within UK but England)- new person moving in, organising a say hello to 24 neighbours party/evening in the garden, and being met with a wall of silence, not even people saying no, thanks Confused

CPtart · 12/06/2017 20:31

I admire you for being proactive but it wouldn't be my cup of tea. All sounds a bit too "try hard" and I'd selfishly wonder what demands of my time you'd be after in the future.
Life's too short to be doing what you don't want to do, and if I prefer to stay in my comfort zone and sit on my arse in my PJ's eating crisps then that's absolutely my choice. The thought of making forced small talk with semi strangers seems like too much hard work.
I absolutely would reply though. Very rude not to.

Beeziekn33ze · 12/06/2017 20:40

Lovely idea, work on the near neighbours who were positive. Good luck, I hope plenty of people in your road do come!

3luckystars · 12/06/2017 21:00

I think you are going to get a great crowd. Don't even think about the rsvps again now.

Just plan as if everyone is coming, that's confidence for you. Don't mention or ask around or follow up about invites just say to yourself 'they are all coming and 10 extra with them' buy plenty and you can bring back anything that isn't used.

PunkrockerGirl · 12/06/2017 21:18

not everyone RSVP's these days
Since when? When did it become acceptable to be so socially inept?
With mobile phones, social media etc, there's no excuse not to reply to an invitation, it takes seconds.
I'd be very outspoken here, OP, a note through everyone's door:
'Due to the lack of replies to my invitation, the event will not now take place. Sorry if any of you were planning on turning up, but I cannot cater for an event without knowing who/how many are attending'.
And next time don't be so fucking rude

bbcessex · 12/06/2017 21:32

It's a nice gesture OP.

I don't think I'd go unless I had some inkling of your family structure first (e.g., similar-ish ages, children etc) but some certainly will.

Definitely go ahead.. you'll meet people you're like-minded with. Your afternoon tea sounds lovely.

Do throw in some prosecco and beer though.. good to have that alongside punch.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 21:35

Their loss if they don't turn up op - it's not a rejection they don't even know you

Thanks, KERALA1 - that makes me feel a lot better. You're right of course, but I hadn't thought of it quite like that, so I really appreciate it Smile

Five friends are now very keen to come and I'm hoping for more, so at least I won't be sitting there alone ...

OP posts:
3luckystars · 12/06/2017 21:48

I wouldn't rsvp to someone I didn't know. A wedding or party invitation from someone you know is totally different (to me anyway)

This is a new and unknown neighbour. Nobody wants to be the only one turning up! They need to chat amongst themselves about you before committing to an evening at your house.

If I got your invite, I'd just suss out what other neighbours are going and tell the new neighbour (you) on the day before or the day of the party.
I wouldn't reply formally either. But you need to be cool now and don't mention it again just get it all ready as if everyone is coming.

Nodowntime · 12/06/2017 22:05

I understand if somebody has other plans, always spends Sundays doing something else etc, but this is the most non-committal event ever. It's not like you have to hire formal dress and take hours getting there, you can spend the day whatever you planned to do, and then just cross the road (preferably with a bottle or flowers in hand, or at least a Welcome card) and just go and say hello to your new neighbour. If you enjoy it, you can stay long(er), if you can't have find anything to talk about among all the people there, you can just stay half an hour and then make an excuse and just walk back to your house in 30 seconds. At a push if you decide that you hate it as soon as walk through the door, you can just say I'm sorry I can't stay but wanted to say hello and give you a card, maybe some other day, hope you enjoy living here!

How do people who never push themselves out of their comfort zones make new friends? And get new experiences in general?

I've read about dementia recently and how to prevent its onset, and it emphasised the importance of short-term stress, not falling into the same routines and regularly pushing yourself out of your comfort zones, getting set in your ways is one of the first signs of proper old age...Wink

Bluedabbadee · 12/06/2017 22:09

I would LOVE this. As well as all the pomp and the invitations. Can I be your neighbour?

PunkrockerGirl · 12/06/2017 22:14

3luckystars
How fucking rude are you?
How do you suggest OP caters for a party when she doesn't know who's attending?
I'd just suss out what other neighbours are going and tell the new neighbour (you) on the day before or the day of the party
And I'd take great delight in saying 'sorry luckystars, you couldn't be arsed to reply so I couldn't be arsed to cater for you. Now piss right off and maybe we'll speak again when you've learnt manners and gained some insight into social skills'.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/06/2017 22:16

I would have RSVP'd (because I'm not rude!) but to say I wouldn't be going.

I wouldn't go round to a neighbours for drinks; sounds like my idea of hell! Especially if the entire street is invited. I really don't want to get to know my neighbours.

PrincessPlod · 12/06/2017 22:23

Personally I think it was a nice idea and would have gone. It's nice to be friendly to our neighbours as they our eyes and ears when we are away.

FoxyRoxy · 12/06/2017 22:27

I've not rtft but I often don't RSVP until quite late because of work shifts, I'm sure you'll get some takers op a bit sooner to the time Smile

gggrrrargh · 12/06/2017 22:30

Lovely idea. Hope it goes well. Also hope you update in two weeks as to how it went and how many showed up!

ShesAStar · 12/06/2017 22:31

I think people will turn up so I'd get some drinks in, set up a few seats and nibbles and have a fab afternoon even if no one comes!

I would definitely come and meet my friendly new neighbours!

Brighteyes27 · 12/06/2017 22:35

In my opinion as others have said I agree it's rude not to RSVP whether you intend coming or not as how is OP going to know how many to cater for. I know June can be a busy time in terms of those without DC taking advantage of cheap holidays, attending weddings, anniversarys, birthday party's, summer fayre's, BBQ' etc.
This is a lovely thing to do OP but I would do a combination of inviting 4-6 sociable friends round and canvas a couple of neighbours beforehand this weekend to get the lie of the land. Some people might be waiting until this weekend to reply (once they have had the chance to suss out who else is going). If it helps I think I would definitely be in two minds about it and would want to see who else was going especially if I hadn't met you before and would definitely wait until this weekend to RSVP.

flimflaminurjams · 12/06/2017 22:50

I think its a bit early for people to RSVP, if event is 2 weeks away.

I know you need notice to know how much food/drink to get etc, but as previous posters said, lots of people just don't RSVP anymore. Or they might be waiting to see who else is going, or leaving it until the last minute to decide. Or as also pointed out, it might just be a bit OTT for some people.

I always RSVP, because its rude not to. Personally I would go if was invited because I'm nosey friendly like that. But I have to admit, it might be a bit out of my comfort zone for me to make small talk so would probably only go for an hour or so.

Viviennemary · 12/06/2017 22:55

Sometimes this kind of event is like an open invite so not a formal RSVP and come at a specific time. Perhaps that's what your neighbours are assuming. A more casual open house. And it's still quite a way off. I don't think I'd send out notes to say it's cancelled.

justkeepswimmingg · 12/06/2017 22:57

That's lovely OP. I barely know any of my neighbours, just a quick hello if we see each other in passing (which isn't often). I would have loved an invite to get to know them more. When me and DH get a mortgage (looking more likely to be in 10 years time sadly), I think il do something similar Smile. I'd love to have friends as neighbours.
I hope you get some neighbours turn up, I wouldn't cancel, stay hopeful!

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 22:57

hope you update in two weeks as to how it went and how many showed up!

I promise I will ... in fact I might even be on before that, hoping for some moral support if I've still not heard from anyone Wink As PPs have said, what's so hard about sticking a card through a door even if you don't want to go? And how the heck can anyone know how to cater if nobody does this?

It's interesting that there seems to be a fairly even split between those who like the idea and others who think I'm some kind of insufferable Lady Muck for even suggesting it, and that I need to be taught a lesson for daring to hope that folk might reply to a kindly meant invite. In view of the first group, maybe I'll even get a few replies in the end ... I can only hope!!

OP posts:
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