To have flattened the sandwiches?

[DryBone]

Been dieting for weeks, lost lots of weight and now below target. Thought I'd treat myself to a Burger King today. DH knee my plans as i had been banging on about it all week. I was really looking forward to it after eating like a saint all week.
So plan was today to go and do shopping and then pop to Burger King. Again I mentioned how much I was looking forward to eating this thing I'd been craving all week.

So we took the shopping home, I sort the dog out only to go into kitchen and see DH handing me a bacon sandwich. I said "what's that for?" So he said "well I knew you were hungry so I thought I'd save us the drive". I was fuming and told him I didn't want that, I wanted to go and buy what I'd been planning to buy all week! He said I was being a brat and ungrateful and if I desperately wanted BK I could drive myself - knowing full well I cant fucking drive!!!

So out of pure frustration I hammered the sandwich not realising that he'd put egg in it which splattered everywhere meaning I burnt my hand in the process. Now we're not talking.

AIBU to think he created this by going back on plans and not realising how fucking difficult dieting is when it's relentless for weeks?

Slightly hormonal so am prepared to hear I'm over reacting .

I feel like OP is getting a bit of unfair treatment here. You were BU, but I think you know that.

However, I totally empathise with having a certain treat meal in mind and then the sudden realisation that you're not getting it anymore. It may seem OTT but I know that can be really disappointing when you've been working towards something all week.

Also, it's not fair to say that OP expects a lift 'without a thought for the driver', you don't know her circumstance and why she doesn't drive, or how grateful/ungrateful she is for the lift.

Yes, you were childish and acted out and I think you owe him an apology. But don't be too hard on yourself, we can all do silly things in the heat of the moment, especially when disappointed.

He made a sandwich for you = he is controlling

I haven't read the entire thread, that was enough for me 😂

OP - I'm 100% with you. I know what it's like to dream about a meal all week.... I would have been precisely the same, well done on eating like a saint all week, I've failed at that...

I get it OP.

You had plans to eat out and you'd been looking forward to it - where doesn't matter. He cancelled without even telling you.

DryBone - You must have SMELT & HEARD the food being cooked? Why didn't you say something whilst it was being done?

As others have pointed out, why didn't you just get BK whilst out doing the shopping?

My mother did this sort of thing (and that's just the tip of the iceberg with her) to me all the time. It's shit.

She did it to rob me of any control over my life, because she liked the power trip that came with letting me down and because engineering a situation where I could be labeled the ungreatful unreasonable one fed into her wronged, martyr role.

My husband is kind and considerate. In this situation he would have been proud of me for losing the weight, excited with me over the prospect of a treat and happy to do something that would make me happy.

If he really, really didn't feel like driving me (he drives, I can't) then he'd ask if we could do it later/tomorrow or if there was something else I'd like equally.

You probably shouldn't have squashed the sandwich, because physical aggression rarely solves anything, but I 100% understand your anger.

Is this sort of behavior a regular occurrence with your dh or is it a one off?

The important thing is did you get your Burger King??!

"Learn to drive" has been said so many times on here - for all you know OP may have medical reasons so don't give that as an answer unless you know the OP! (Slightly rant as my DD1 loves her car but as she has epilepsy and had a seizure after changing meds she has given up her license for at least a year)

• yes, DH was lovely to make a sandwich but did a (forgive the generalisation) twattish bloke thing of misunderstanding what OP wanted! It was the BK itself not just a foodie blowout! My DH is equally as oblivious sometimes - only example that springs to mind was when I bought some fabric to make a table runner, because we'd seen it in a remnants bin in John Lewis. I was actually looking forward to making it (and probably over complicating it rather than just hemming the edges and be done) and he surprised me one day by having gone round to a friend's house and friend's wife made up the runner. Lovely, but he misunderstood that I wanted to make it not have it done for me.
• OP over-reacted by twatting the sandwich, rather than suggesting he eats it as she had her stomach set on a burger and fries.

No wonder OP has disappeared after the pasting she has had on here about her food choices/lack of driving licence.

I am just imagine the op's diary entry.

"My sandwich annoyed me. So I punched it. That showed it who was boss.

"My husband made me a sandwich when I wanted BK"

"OMG he is mean"

"He is controlling"

OP are you always this much of a drama queen?

Yabu to flatten the sandwich.
Sounds nicer than Burger King.

Maybe in your mind you were going on about it all week.

I think dieting then "treating" yourself with Burger King might work in the short term but how does that work for maintaining your weight when you are down to your ideal weight?

I burst into tears in Sainsbury's once because they didn't have the right sort of orange.

Then I was violently sick in the toilets.

I also said many, many Bad Swears at my then husband for making the house smell of food.

Fortunately that was my last pregnancy.

#supportforsandwiches

I can see your frustration at either his lack of understanding of you and what you really want, or his pushing his own ideas on you. I probably wouldn't have smashed the sandwich (I love bacon too much) but might have been upset.
And for those who keep saying learn to drive, just drop it. I used to drive, now I don't due to a degenerative condition. Yes, it's a pain for Dh to be the only driver, but that's just they way it is.

The op didn't say she couldn't drive to illness or disability. Unless she's about to come back and say that.

My comment of driving people round that don't drive was meant in the context that op is perfectly able to drive, she just doesn't.

It doesn't mean I was criticising everyone with medical conditions or disabilities that prevent them driving.

OP knows she was unreasonable and the situation made her look daft. But she knows on here, she will get reassurance that in fact, she isn't being unreasonable and is actually in an abusive relationship where her husbands controls her.

By not want to drive again and making her a bacon and egg fucking sandwich.

I think you've been really good, wanted to treat yourself - he knew that and I understand why you were upset ... he on the other hand thought he was helping you - he shouldn't mess with a dieting woman though

Yes your reaction was unreasonable but I do understand where you are coming from.

Things that we don't know with the story:

• did they walk or drive to the shops
• is the burger king located near the shops
• does she have a poor sense of smell or was the sorting the dog outside which was why she didn't question the bacon smell
• did her DH say that he was making himself a sandwich, so that she didn't question the cooking

Since OP hasn't been back I assume she's walking to the much desired BK.

I had fish and chips, macdonalds, dominoes and all sorts through 5 stone of weight loss. All of them were careful budgeted and exercised for calorie wise.

They were all very much anticipated. No it was not a kind thing to unilaterally remove a treat and remove the OPs ability to get to the treat.

. I do remember how frantic I could get on my diet. one time when I'd planned for a meal but after being 1.5 hours late and still not materialising I was an absolute wreck by the time I'd got home and made some food. Thankfully nobody got in my way or asked me any questions as a made a beeline for the grill. I can well imagine the OPs distress in the circumstances.Yes it was an overeaction. But it is just a sandwich. Not a plate or a cup and not aimed at anyone. A sandwich who happened to get stuck in the cross fire

Being caring is thinking about the other person's needs and wants. What the OPs partner did wasn't kind, it was imposing his will on hers and removing the OPs ability to complain because his was being "nice". It's a classic abusive technique.

The OPs post has alarm bells ringing left right and centre.

Sheesh. He made her a sandwich. After driving her to the shops.

I have a kind of similar example. We were once hungover, driving from Bristol to Southampton.

We were literally salivating at the though of getting a KFC. Discussing what we'll get etc

Then DH fucking drives right passed Membury services!! So we had to stop at fucking Chievley and get M&S.

The fury I felt was unbelievable.

Well there is an awful lot of overreacting happening on this thread, and I'm not talking about the OP .

Did you get your BK OP?

I'm disappointed that the OP has posted elsewhere today but hasn't come back to say if she has had the BK!

BeautyQueenFromMars

As with many of these threads some see red flags others excuse behaviour

Sheesh. He made her a sandwich. After driving her to the shops.

Where does it say that he drove her to the shops? It just said that they went, that could mean that they walked, took the bus or cycled there.