To have flattened the sandwiches?

[DryBone]

Been dieting for weeks, lost lots of weight and now below target. Thought I'd treat myself to a Burger King today. DH knee my plans as i had been banging on about it all week. I was really looking forward to it after eating like a saint all week.
So plan was today to go and do shopping and then pop to Burger King. Again I mentioned how much I was looking forward to eating this thing I'd been craving all week.

So we took the shopping home, I sort the dog out only to go into kitchen and see DH handing me a bacon sandwich. I said "what's that for?" So he said "well I knew you were hungry so I thought I'd save us the drive". I was fuming and told him I didn't want that, I wanted to go and buy what I'd been planning to buy all week! He said I was being a brat and ungrateful and if I desperately wanted BK I could drive myself - knowing full well I cant fucking drive!!!

So out of pure frustration I hammered the sandwich not realising that he'd put egg in it which splattered everywhere meaning I burnt my hand in the process. Now we're not talking.

AIBU to think he created this by going back on plans and not realising how fucking difficult dieting is when it's relentless for weeks?

Slightly hormonal so am prepared to hear I'm over reacting .

[Ravenesque]

Well, yes it was unreasonable, but the hanger does that to a person. I've seen it. I'm lucky, I've never been hangry in my whole life, but I've been angry for other reasons and felt myself on the verge of totally losing it. When I was younger I sometimes did, now not so much.

But.

He WBU and frankly a bit of a twat. He decided what you could/should eat, because he couldn't be arsed to drive after shopping. Then he called you a brat. YWBU to smash the sanger, but I'm not even a tiny bit convinced that you were more at fault than "nice" husband controlling what you could eat when he knew full well what you had been looking forward to all week.

Another but.

Is it possible that you've overdone the dieting and it's had an impact on you emotionally? He was really out of order, but I'm guessing that you'd normally not respond with such full on rage. I don't think you've been asking us for validation, but that your'e a bit taken aback with your own reaction, as most of us would be. I'm too late to the party to suggest that you get out of the house, take a bit of a walk, breathe in the fresh air, find a bench to sit on and let yourself think about what was really going on, because I'm guessing that ultimately it was about a bit more than a Burger King.

Anyway, unnecessarily long post from me. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to him too if he's not normally a dick, but if he isn't (which maybe he isn't and this was why you want from zero to nuclear so quickly?), just be kind to yourself and try to figure out what's really going on. Please pay not attention to some of the nastier comments here. There's not a one of us who is perfect and just about anyone who is remotely human has lost it over something and nothing at least once in our lives, and given that you burnt your hand with the hot egg, the only person who got really hurt was you.

Oh and to anyone who's seriously (rather than being a bit light-hearted) weighing up the pros and cons of sanger vs. Burger King, or which you'd rather, get a grip. That is far from the point. As are the calories and whether or not it's healthy.

[Ravenesque]

Gah, final isn'ts, to do with him being a dick. If he is usuallly a dick, etc, then don't be nice to him, rather than if he isn't then don't be nice to him!

[ChardonnaysPrettySister]

Is OP still at Burger King?

[Serialweightwatcher]

Maybe this was the Whopper

[StillHungryy]

Burger king deliver...you are welcome

Now I'm Hangry! I've wanted Chilli Cheese Bites for weeks but always gone I'll get it then next day. I get excited, go on the website and now I just get BK apologising for not delivering in my area

GAHH YOU WONT LIKE ME WHEN IM HANGRY HULK SMASH a bacon sandwich

[Writermom22]

You were right to go nuts. He knew your plans, he'd not mentioned anything about changing plans and just went ahead and did his thing.

The least he could've done, was make the suggestion of the bacon and egg sandwich rather than just doing it.

It's all about compromise. Saying that, I would've just took one look at it and walked myself to Burger King.

[worrierandwine]

Hangry! Who are we to judge OP. I'm sure an over reaction has happened to every person posting on this thread. I hope you get/ got a Burger King and enjoy every morsel.

[puppy23]

Rather inconsiderate in my view, your poor DH

[Willow2017]

What an over reaction over a sandwich! Not be op but on here.

Op has been looking forward to this all week.
Oh was taking her as he knew how much she was looking forward to it.
HE decides that he can't wait for burger and there for op can't have one either and makes her something she doesn't want and she is supposed to be grateful?

On any other thread a man ordering a meal for a woman would be full of people crying 'misogynist', ' bully' and 'controlling' but cos it's only a sandwich op has to suck it up and go without the treat she has been looking forward to all week. Why should she?

I would have been livid too. One bloody small treat and oh ruins it. Not on.

[StillHungryy]

It's actually amazing how much of a big deal some are making of this, and yes I've dieted lots of times I know the longing to have a treat etc, but it's really not that big of a deal, BK is open every day, sure it's disappointing but come on it's not a big deal go later or today or whatever.

Anytime I've seen a poster say their DH has just moaned at a meal a poster has cooked she's been told to tell the bastard if he doesn't like it do it himself, never to cook for him again, yada yada yada, but now the husband is controlling and abusive come on. If anyone showed abusive traits in the OP it was OP who showed a physically aggressive gesture for the smallest reason.

There's so much exaggeration and people saying the DH did it for XYZ reason yet know nothing about the husband! We could easily have said perhaps he came back from performing an emergency long- life saving surgery at the end of a long shift at the hospital, OP demanded they go shopping when the DH was tired and he drove her unwillingly knowing it was dangerous but she was unrelenting shouting, she demanded they went home to put the shopping away, she played with the dogs whilst the DH put everything away and to just try and get sleep for the first time in 40 odd hours he thought he'd make a sandwich so he didn't have to go out again as it was unsafe to drive, hoping she wouldn't be abusive again. After all loads seem to be making a narrative of the DH being an abusive arsehole with no proof of his motives or previous history.

[MrsPoldark]

I think you need to look at your diet plan tbh. If you followed Slimming World for example you could have a burger & syn for it then the craving & looking forward to it doesn't make it a much bigger deal than it really was. Personally I wouldn't waste my syns on a BK, everyone knows they are for wine, gin & chocolate.

[Yujismum]

Yes all sorts of scenarios possible. None of them excuse not being listened to AND communicated with. If DH had been a heart surgeon or some such I think even his wife might have understood. But since we do not know, we respond, not on possibilities, but on what is conveyed. We can all have fantasies but even IF DH is a wonderful person doing lots of good for others in the world, he also has a wife, a marriage, a partnership.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Willow2017

On any other thread if it were a man hitting the sandwich it would be "red flag", "he is showing you his real colours", "LTB", "he is violent".

[StillHungryy]

But we don't know if they weren't communicating to each other, unless we assume that all they e spoken about for over a week is OP saying she wants BK and then the husband makes a sandwich and Op says "what's that for" and he replies "well I knew you were hungry so I thought I'd save us the drive" yet that to some seems enough to warrant him not communicating, not listening, being controlling and abusive. We can't possibly know that with such little info just like we can't know OP would have been understanding if he was a heart surgeon.


And surely being a caring husband in a marriage which is a partnership etc is sorting something quickly to eat if he feels it's getting too late to have lunch.

Are people seriously saying when they cook a meal they always check with their DP's to make sure they want it etc?

[Yujismum]

Not listening, really listening, (unfortunately somewhat of a rarity) does not mean someone is controlling and/or abusive. It means they have not listened to what another has said. It was obviously important to DryBone that she had BK. if DH had appreciated that, he could have conveyed it to his wife, whether or not they had gone for the burger. That may or may not have made things better, I don't know. But at the very least she may have felt listened to.

[user14809873]

I totally understand! Once I have a meal planned in my head, that's it! Unreasonable or not, I won't enjoy or want anything else!

[StillHungryy]

But as we have no concept of their communication between them apart from an insistence on BK and 2-3 sentences they may have a regular understanding that when it's getting late someone just cooks, maybe he said earlier he was tired. Maybe he said " so off to BK" and OP said " nah let's go home put the shopping away, we can get it later tonight" so he thought she meant for dinner. Perhaps he was really tired or feeling meh and he told OP and she didn't listen I don't know why the default is he didn't listen or communicate is controlling or abusivewhen we have very little to go on when the only aggressive gesture was done by OP

[Ghanagirl]

YANBU at all I hate Burger King and McDonald's but if I'd been dieting and my DH handed me cheddar whilst I was craving Stilton☁️🤔

[Willow2017]

She didnt hit her dh she flattened a sandwich for goodness sake. Hardly the crime of the century. She did it after basically being told her plans were unimportant and get oh had better plans for her.
It's not like she destroyed the kitchen or something!

[Yujismum]

"I don't know why the default is he didn't listen or communicate is controlling or abusivewhen we have very little to go on when the only aggressive gesture was done by OP"
I am not sure why you keep saying "controlling or abusive". That is, I agree, a possibility, though I do not give it high significance. OP FELT angry about DH not understanding the importance to her of getting BK.
OP has told us what she said, you are fantasising the rest.
Yet another person who is not listening.

[StillHungryy]

I am not sure why you keep saying "controlling or abusive".

Really? Here:


DirtyChaiLatte 10/06 14:44

Why do you think he made the sandwich for you? Was he trying to be controlling?

SunnySouthend 10/6 14:59


Clearly you should not have hit the sandwich but it sounds like very controlling behaviour on his part, particularly telling you to drive yourself when you can't.

DJBaggySmalls 10/06 15:12

I think he's been pretty nasty. He should have told you he had changed his mid about driving you to BK, not been passive aggressive. you wouldnt do this to a kid.

SunnySouthend 10/06 15:19

He made her food he knew she didn't want. He didn't bother to check with her first if she would like a bacon sarnie instead of a BK. clearly it depends on the background of the relationship but making unilateral decisions on your partners behalf when you know it's going against something that is important to them is controlling. It's subtle because, as most posters have said, I can be interpreted as kindness, but given his reaction (which please note was before the sandwich flattening) it does not look like it was done with kind intentions. But he can say how unreasonable OP is. If it is a pattern, then there is an unpleasant name for that kind of behaviour.

EvansOvalPies 10/06 15:19
Instead of belittling her, telling her to go and get her own BK (when he knows she can't drive) and makes her a bacon sandwich, which she didn't want and is no more healthy than a burger.

He is controlling!

MrsOverTheRoad 10/06 15:23

He failed.

Of course he knew what she wanted. That sandwich was a passive aggressive sandwich

SugarForMyHoney 10/06 18:53

Does your dp normally control what you eat? You obv over reacted but he was being a prick by blateny going back on plans and offering you a passive aggressive sandwich. Clearly not the same calibre as a BK

ConfusedAndGettingOld 10/06 18:56 (hinting at control abuse)

I'm on the fence too.

Are you prone to tantrums in general?

Is it possible your dh is testing you

ToastyFingers 10/06 19:49 ( comparing controlling DM to DH)

My mother did this sort of thing (and that's just the tip of the iceberg with her) to me all the time. It's shit.

She did it to rob me of any control over my life, because she liked the power trip that came with letting me down and because engineering a situation where I could be labeled the ungreatful unreasonable one fed into her wronged, martyr role
ToffeeLattePlease 10/06 20:38

Being caring is thinking about the other person's needs and wants. What the OPs partner did wasn't kind, it was imposing his will on hers and removing the OPs ability to complain because his was being "nice". It's a classic abusive technique.

TrifleOrBusT Yesterday 3:24
Seriously though, he was BU to try to control your meal. If he didn't want to go to BK he should have just said no. But...you punched a sandwich. Moral high ground was conceded.


TheStoic Yesterday 10:57
He was passive aggressive. You were supposed to smile sweetly and say 'thank you Darling! even though you knew I wanted something different but that I'll appear very unreasonable if I don't suck it up



BrazenHussy0 Yesterday 13:21
YWBU to smoosh the sandwich. But you know that already 

However, to those saying her DP made her a sandwich to be ‘nice’. No he fucking didn’t!
He didn’t want to take her to BK for whatever reason, and instead of saying that he didn’t want to (which would have made him the bad guy for disappointing her) he made a sandwich for her knowing fine well that if she reacted poorly to said sandwich that she would end up looking like the unreasonable one.
It was manipulative and twatty

Ravenesque Yesterday 18:16

He WBU and frankly a bit of a twat. He decided what you could/should eat, because he couldn't be arsed to drive after shopping. Then he called you a brat. YWBU to smash the sanger, but I'm not even a tiny bit convinced that you were more at fault than "nice" husband controlling what you could eat when he knew full well what you had been looking forward to all week.

Willow2017 Yesterday 20:25 (saying it should be said he was controlling her like it would on other threads)

Op has been looking forward to this all week.
Oh was taking her as he knew how much she was looking forward to it.
HE decides that he can't wait for burger and there for op can't have one either and makes her something she doesn't want and she is supposed to be grateful?

On any other thread a man ordering a meal for a woman would be full of people crying 'misogynist', ' bully' and 'controlling' but cos it's only a sandwich op has to suck it up and go without the treat she has been looking forward to all week. Why should she?


So yeah controlling and abusive hasn't been mentioned at all

Of course I'm coming up with suggestions but do you really think for a week all they've spoke to each other is wanting to go to BK, saying about going home to put shopping away and then him handing her a sandwich and saying about not having to drive? At least I say I'm making suggestions and not stating it matter of fact his mindset was this and he done it because of X etc like many other posters making assumptions about the DH with no knowledge of DH.

I am listening and to most adults getting a BK that day but another wouldn't be such a catastrophe so I think most wouldn't understand the importance or that reaction.

[StillHungryy]

And of course flattening the sandwich wasn't the most aggressive act ever but it was an aggressive gesture and the only one in the OP. Which was an extreme reaction

[Totallybonkersmum]

Your meme is slightly confusing...
I think you had the BK whilst you were out shopping. I think OH misunderstood you and thought you were both going to BK, together. He thought that maybe due to the time, you'd be starving and made you a bacon and egg sandwich, instead. He could have thought that if you both went to BK by then, you'd be really over hungry. I'd love it if my OH made me a bacon and egg sandwich and not just sat on his arse.
I think YWBVU by over reacting, verbally and physically. The sandwich could have been cling filmed and eaten later.
That said, he WBU resorting to name calling.
I think you both need to just talk, without a slanging match and see if you both got your wires crossed or maybe he just forgot. Sometimes we do, but that doesn't warrant your behaviour towards him, particularly with you physically hitting the sandwich. That was silly and totally OTT.
In future learn to communicate without shouting or doing anything physically and double check he totally understands you.
If my OH behaved like you, I would have felt totally intimidated. Also, because he's a man doesn't mean that he feels the same! Men can feel intimidated too.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Willow2017

You can change the language all you like but it doesn't replace the fact that the OP was violent in her reaction to being given a sandwich.

[Yujismum]

No, OP was not violent (GBH on a sandwich?) because she was given a sandwich. She was angry because she felt she wasn't being heard.