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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Elmlea Husband strikes again!

335 replies

ElinorRigby · 10/06/2017 11:30

I posted a few days back about my husband, who was given a shopping list with 'cream' and 'orange juice cartons' on it. He returned with a) Elmlea and b) cartons of orange squash - despite the fact that both of us always have real cream and pure fruit juices.

We had a conversation in which I said if the shop did not stock the products on the list, it was better to return empty-handed.

I asked him to take the squash back and he did so, telling me he'd now go some apple juice in exchange. (In fact he had got multivitamin fruit and carrot juice.)

Yesterday the handle of our smaller bucket snapped. We have one heavy duty bucket - the kind used for outdoor jobs - and the smaller bucket that I use for soaking and handwashing. I said 'Could you get me a small 8 litre bucket while you're out.'

He returned saying he had had to look everywhere in order to find a small bucket. He then showed me quite a large bucket with a label on the side saying '13 litre capacity.'

I said, 'This is too big.'
He said, There weren't any small ones. I went to lots of shops.'
I said, 'Did you get a receipt'
He said, 'No.'

I took the 13 litre bucket back intending to ask for a refund and then order one of the right size from Asda Click and Collect. But the woman at the shop said, 'We do have smaller buckets'. So, because she was being helpful, I got a 7 litre one from the display at the front of the shop.

Is this a '3 strikes and he's out' situation?

OP posts:
Birdsbeesandtrees · 10/06/2017 17:27

I had no idea elmlea isn't cream.

expatinscotland · 10/06/2017 17:33

Yes, OP, time for you to take over your female job of shopping, because 'poor bloke' just isn't capable. Who made you capable? Did you go to uni to learn how to read labels? I know in my case my ovaries came with this programmed into them.

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 10/06/2017 17:36

Actually, I don't think the op is being unreasonable. He's not a child and why the fuck do women always seem to be the only ones to take responsibility for groceries? If my husband asks me to buy something I ask exactly what he needs and I make an effort to actually get what he asked for.

A few weeks ago I asked him to pick up some double cream to go in a sauce (yes, I did tell him this) he came back with sweetened squirty cream. This sort of thing just drives me mad, In all other ways he's absolutely fab. He manages to hold down a pretty demanding job, but can't manage to buy a pot of cream. Makes no bloody sense.

Sprinklestar · 10/06/2017 17:38

YANBU! How dense is he??? In our house, if one of us puts orange juice on the list, whoever goes to the supermarket knows that automatically means a certain brand, with pulp, in a certain size. Ditto most other items. If I want washing powder, I don't have to specifically write Fairy non-bio, Xkg size box... DH would just get the one we always get. I'm shocked at that number of women on this thread who feel sorry for the OP's partner and think she's giving him a hard time. Anyone would think he's being asked to bring peace to the Middle East. He's buying everyday items that they use at home on a regular basis! Surely he can't be so unaware?! If you read the Incompetent Husbands thread, it's quite a revelation to find that some men deliberately act dumb when it comes to jobs they don't believe are their roles...

Emboo19 · 10/06/2017 18:02

Me and my boyfriend have a simple approach to food shopping....if I go, I choose what to buy. If he goes he chooses what to buy. He'll ask if there's anything specific I need or want, as I do him. But type of juice or fruit or sandwich fillings etc, the person shopping gets to chose.

I'd be mortified to take back juice and I'm sorry OP, that seems quite immature and like you want him to feel stupid for getting the wrong thing. If you don't like it fair enough but surely he could just drink it.

Ollivander84 · 10/06/2017 18:08

Surely you ask if you're not sure?! I asked my dad to get me some squash (wasn't well) and some bread. He asked "like cordial? Any flavour? White or brown bread?" And then turned up with correct items
Elmlea is rank

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 10/06/2017 18:09

Tell me about when he bought your engagement ring.

User12345678912345 · 10/06/2017 18:11

expatinscotland I didn't mean that!! Just thought he sounded nice running all these errands! If it was the other way round, I also would have thought the same!! Although now u mention it, if it was the other way round, with husband complaining about his wife not following orders instructions, I wonder if we would have a different reaction(?) (not saying we would, just wondering Hmm)

Yukbuck · 10/06/2017 18:13

Sorry I'm not reading the whole thread..but since when is elmlea not cream?

Guavaf1sh · 10/06/2017 18:14

I think you sound like an incredibly hard work and if you keep this up your marriage won't last long. Take a leaf out of Emboo's book above

MrsELM21 · 10/06/2017 18:17

Must be dreadful OP

StillHungryy · 10/06/2017 18:22

I've always wondered who buys Elmlea. Seems it's people who think they're buying cream

Tbh I always have, and always assumed that's the basic level single or double cream

user1492115574 · 10/06/2017 18:22

I bet he secretly wants to murder you and bury you in the garden.

DixieFlatline · 10/06/2017 18:37

Strategic incompetence is a crock and this place gets more like Reddit every weekend.

I'll drink to that. Pass the fucking gin.

HateSummer · 10/06/2017 18:43

I didn't know elmlea wasn't cream either. no wonder it's cheaper than own brand cream.

ElinorRigby · 10/06/2017 18:47

Tell me about when he bought your engagement ring

I don't have one.

We get stuff for each other when we go to the shops. (Isn't that what people do? I don't - unlike Theresa May - believe that there are 'girl jobs' and 'boy jobs.')

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 10/06/2017 18:50

I now need to go buy Elmlea to find out exactly how people haven't noticed that something made from vegetable oils, buttermilk and a load of crap to stop it separating is not the same as cream Confused.

At least it will be cheap when I end up throwing most of it away.

Loungingbutnotforlong · 10/06/2017 18:54

You sound like hard work, controlling and bordering on emotionally abusive. You know, when you overly criticise your partner, he will be so worried about getting it wrong that he will become increasingly less able.
If you are that fussed and particular, do it yourself.

Sunnie1984 · 10/06/2017 18:59

Sounds like he needs to do more of the household shopping and figure out what you actually use!

I would forgive theElmlea as I had no idea it wasn't cream either (although have never bought it).

The orange squash is weird though, if he drinks the orange juice you normally buy. Wouldn't he recognise the carton?

It sounds like this happens a lot. It is amazing how men can hold down responsible jobs but can't navigate a supermarket for things they eat day in and day out!

Saying that, my husband likes to do the food shop but requires a list from me, because buying almost all the same things every week is apparently too difficult... it's not like he's been eating all the food for the last however many months etc.

Ok not sure how he survives at work 🙄

HateSummer · 10/06/2017 19:15

Elmlea doesn't thicken when whisked? Is that true? I think I might have bought it once and it wouldn't thicken

Etymology23 · 10/06/2017 19:20

I'm totally on side with you op. It's not difficult to buy the item requested and to know what food you actually want to eat or drink.

I'm fairly sure that the ops point is not that her husband would have been happy with either the Elmlea or the juice-water with added sugar, but rather that he simply didn't engage his brain enough to establish that they were not in fact the thing he had been asked to purchase.

Adult men are not in fact incompetent - I'm fairly sure that they could - if unsure - look at what's in the fridge currently before they go (eg for stocking up on juice) or conclude that when they were asked to buy cream, they shouldn't purchase something that isn't cream. The magic of mobile phones means you can also ring and check. If I get sent to the shops to buy e.g. Self raising flour and they only have either small bad value packets or plain - I'd either make a decision based on whether I knew we had baking powder at home so could make it up (magic - I know what's in my OWN kitchen cupboards) or if i needed to buy the bad value small bags. If I couldn't decide I'd ring the person I was buying it for.

Men (or indeed any person who is incapable of doing the family shopping) don't buy pens when they're stocking up on stationery for a stock count in a freezer at work. The ink would freeze, pencils are needed instead - pens would be inadequate for the job. They don't send out the wrong thing to a customer or colleague because they looked kinda the same and were on the same shelf in the warehouse and they couldn't be bothered to read the label properly.

I can't believe people really think that being unable to do the shopping to an adequate standard for your home is acceptable.

Emboo19 · 10/06/2017 19:25

To be fair when you search double cream on Sainsbury's online shopping, elmlea is the 4th item down, above some of actual cream they sell.
Was the juice small cartons like for a pack up, Op? And did he get a juice drink rather than pure juice? I've almost been caught out with them as it's not something I buy really and I'd put it in my trolley before noticing the juice 'drink' part.

Bananamanfan · 10/06/2017 19:28

Elmlea is better than cream, it lasts forever & no added sugar squah is way better for your teeth than juice. I'm with DH; he should be in charge of shopping from now on.Grin

Emboo19 · 10/06/2017 19:30

But how many women have gotten the wrong thing while shopping Etymology23 I don't believe it's a man thing. I know I have, I know my mother has. I wouldn't expect my partner to 'tell me off' if I've picked up the wrong thing or forgotten something (I forget something every time I go shopping guaranteed)

Etymology23 · 10/06/2017 19:35

Emboo - true, I wouldn't expect a telling off, but I would expect to a) be told it was wrong so I didn't get it wrong next time and b) to go back and replace it with the thing we did want.

I'd also expect someone to be pretty grumpy with me if I forgot something when I was shopping and it was needed - that's what shopping lists either on your phone with checkboxes or on paper with a pencil is for.