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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Elmlea Husband strikes again!

335 replies

ElinorRigby · 10/06/2017 11:30

I posted a few days back about my husband, who was given a shopping list with 'cream' and 'orange juice cartons' on it. He returned with a) Elmlea and b) cartons of orange squash - despite the fact that both of us always have real cream and pure fruit juices.

We had a conversation in which I said if the shop did not stock the products on the list, it was better to return empty-handed.

I asked him to take the squash back and he did so, telling me he'd now go some apple juice in exchange. (In fact he had got multivitamin fruit and carrot juice.)

Yesterday the handle of our smaller bucket snapped. We have one heavy duty bucket - the kind used for outdoor jobs - and the smaller bucket that I use for soaking and handwashing. I said 'Could you get me a small 8 litre bucket while you're out.'

He returned saying he had had to look everywhere in order to find a small bucket. He then showed me quite a large bucket with a label on the side saying '13 litre capacity.'

I said, 'This is too big.'
He said, There weren't any small ones. I went to lots of shops.'
I said, 'Did you get a receipt'
He said, 'No.'

I took the 13 litre bucket back intending to ask for a refund and then order one of the right size from Asda Click and Collect. But the woman at the shop said, 'We do have smaller buckets'. So, because she was being helpful, I got a 7 litre one from the display at the front of the shop.

Is this a '3 strikes and he's out' situation?

OP posts:
AngelaTwerkel · 10/06/2017 12:47

"Many women on here have very low expectations of men."

This. I can't believe the poster who said you should put "cream (not elmlea)" on the list. Like being married to a child.

The op said if he couldn't find the products to come home without. Not hard.

And to the "you're a nutter" posters, you do realise you're talking to an actual person here, right?

BabsGanoush · 10/06/2017 12:48

I can remember reading on here years ago about a woman who sent her DH to the supermarket. On the list was loo roll. He came back with 100 bread rolls.

User12345678912345 · 10/06/2017 12:49

He sounds so lovely doing all this for u!

MiladyThesaurus · 10/06/2017 12:49

Silly me! I have to worry about it because if there's aspartame in it it will cause tics in my autistic son. One poster on here has to take heed because her child is a celiac.

That's completely different though. Of course both parents should be aware of a child's (or each others') health conditions and what affects them. It's totally been reasonable to be angry if he's ignored something that matters.

But worrying about cream v Elmlea not so much.

If he tried it and didn't like it maybe he'd start noticing the differences between them.

WinifredAtwellsOtherPiano · 10/06/2017 12:50

Very funny user.

JamieXeed74 · 10/06/2017 12:50

I think the husband should LTB, she sounds horribly controlling. He would be better off going to the pub for a few drinks then coming home and saying he couldn't get the right products.

expatinscotland · 10/06/2017 12:51

'He sounds so lovely doing all this for u!'

Yeah, because it's the females job to do all the shopping Hmm.

WashBasketsAreUs · 10/06/2017 12:52

When I was ill my husband had to do the shopping. I wrote a list that followed the store layout ( I work there, so I know how it's all set out). I wrote very specifically some things ( i.e. Tropicana orange juice with bits, as it was the only thing I could drink) but he still got the wrong juice, wrong brand, no bits. It couldn't be returned so I drank it but I didn't say anything, too ill to do so. However I did wonder how he managed to do it!

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 10/06/2017 12:52

ElinorRigbyd I feel your pain. I had this with my ex, and it used to happen all the time. He'd go to the shop and would ask if I wanted anything. Great. Except every time it was just a bit wrong. I told him repeatedly that if they didn't have what I'd asked for then don't bother getting anything else, but he'd always bring something back regardless and it would usually just go to waste. Most of the time I didn't say anything, but when it came to him getting the wrong formula for DS, or the wrong sized nappies for example, it started to piss me off.
In the end I used to Google a photo and send if you him

Whatsforu · 10/06/2017 12:56

Jeez is that all you have to worry about lucky you. Poor man I feel sorry for him you sound extremely high maintenance.

LightDrizzle · 10/06/2017 12:57

Annoying. Does he not have a mobile? In the reverse situation I'd have texted. It sounds like he just couldn't be arsed.
My ex couldn't "look", he'd stare ahead of him where he thought something should be and seemingly conclude that because isn't wasn't there, it was nowhere. I just couldn't get my head around it. He has an IQ in the 150s.
I may be being overly harsh because of the visceral reaction I get to Elmlea. My mum bought it once from a garage, revolting.

ShapelyBingoWing · 10/06/2017 12:59

Can people stop pretending this is a 'oh the poor menz' situation? If the OP had come here saying her husband had asked her to get something from the shop and then made her go back because he hadn't been exact and she'd brought back something he didn't approve of, many here would say he was being controlling. Certainly if the husband's attitude was the same as the OP's.

If he were going to the shop with a very specific list and still coming back with the wrong thing every time then I'd question if he was feigning incompetence so he didn't have to do it again, but that's not really the case here. As many have proven, a lot of people, women included, simply don't know Elmlea isn't cream. And there are very few things you can do with an 8 litre bucket that you can't do with a 13 litre one. Juice is a personal preference thing. It not being what the OP would buy doesn't make it wrong.

YellowLawn · 10/06/2017 12:59

elmlea is not cream? Shock

it says cream on the tub and is on the shelf with the cream!
maybe a case for trading standard?

OutToGetYou · 10/06/2017 13:01

My ex used to do this - and the opposite went like this:

Him: can you get me some Alpen?
Me: yeah, any specific one?
Him: the one in the red packet.

(for info, the cereal is decanted at home so no packet to refer to)

Me in Sainsbury - no Alpen in red packet, Sainsbury version in red box - buy that, bearing in mind we don't 'do' brand names anyway and he often refers to non brands by brand name

Him: I hate this muesli, I said get Alpen
Me: you said in the red packet, that's the only one in the red packet
Him: but I wanted Alpen
Me: I know, but none come in a red packet, so anything I got would probably be wrong

Following week, he does the shopping, comes back with Alpen in a large brown bag.

Him: THIS Alpen
Me: so, the one in a brown bag then?

I think actually the problem was that we usually shopped in Aldi and theirs is in a red packet and he didn't in fact want Alpen specifically.

But, he's a twat who buys Elmlea 'because it's cheaper'.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 10/06/2017 13:02

no it does't say cream, cos it is not cream

have a go at google images and see.

timeforabrewnow · 10/06/2017 13:04

What is Elmlea then?

I've always thought it was cream

senua · 10/06/2017 13:08

Elmlea is not cream. It is "an alternative to cream".
In my cupboard I have Patak's mango chutney. It is mango chutney, made by a company called Pataks. Elmlea is not cream, packaged by a company called Elmlea. Elmlea is Elmlea - a pretendy product with a made-up name to fool people which seems to have worked a treat. I bet you all bought Sunny-D too

MadisonAvenue · 10/06/2017 13:11

Personally I'd have told you where you could stick the 13 litre bucket.

OhFuds · 10/06/2017 13:15

I used to do a shopping service for the elderly, one lady always asked for cream....now I know why after a few weeks she told me to stop buying Elmlea Shock. I grew up on Elmlea and just assumed it was the same as the others.

GinasGirl · 10/06/2017 13:16

We had friends coming over for a BBQ once and my DH said he'd go and get supplies. He came back with beer and a poker set!
The poker set went down well to be fair Grin

TillyTheTiger · 10/06/2017 13:19

If there's anything very specific I need that I think DH won't be familiar with, I do a quick Google image search and send him a photo of the item. Quicker and easier than arguing about it when he brings the wrong thing home

CecilyBlue · 10/06/2017 13:21

Elmea is not cream 😱😱😱😱

How did I not know this!

StatelessPrincess · 10/06/2017 13:21

I one asked DH to buy me a new broom and he came back with a toothbrush. To be fair we were fasting for Ramadan so his brain was a bit fuddled, he's not usually like that. I do think a lot of men just can't be bothered to get it right and hope they won't be asked again if they mess up.

Therealslimshady1 · 10/06/2017 13:22

DH once got Elmlea, it was really vile and made the food inedible

StaplesCorner · 10/06/2017 13:27

I do think a lot of men just can't be bothered to get it right and hope they won't be asked again if they mess up. - THIS!!!! THIS!!! Why does a man not have to do something right simply because he has a cock for fucks sake?

So basically he gets off shopping for ever because for the OP to expect him to buy the right stuff shows what a horrible person she is? And yes, this is exactly what would be on the Incompetent Husband thread and that poster split up with the fuckwit! This isn't about what the ingredients in Elmlea are, this is about how some men never share the workload, the mental load or bugger all load as they are poor menz and they need to go to the pub rather than "help".

I'm spitting with rage for the OP!