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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Elmlea Husband strikes again!

335 replies

ElinorRigby · 10/06/2017 11:30

I posted a few days back about my husband, who was given a shopping list with 'cream' and 'orange juice cartons' on it. He returned with a) Elmlea and b) cartons of orange squash - despite the fact that both of us always have real cream and pure fruit juices.

We had a conversation in which I said if the shop did not stock the products on the list, it was better to return empty-handed.

I asked him to take the squash back and he did so, telling me he'd now go some apple juice in exchange. (In fact he had got multivitamin fruit and carrot juice.)

Yesterday the handle of our smaller bucket snapped. We have one heavy duty bucket - the kind used for outdoor jobs - and the smaller bucket that I use for soaking and handwashing. I said 'Could you get me a small 8 litre bucket while you're out.'

He returned saying he had had to look everywhere in order to find a small bucket. He then showed me quite a large bucket with a label on the side saying '13 litre capacity.'

I said, 'This is too big.'
He said, There weren't any small ones. I went to lots of shops.'
I said, 'Did you get a receipt'
He said, 'No.'

I took the 13 litre bucket back intending to ask for a refund and then order one of the right size from Asda Click and Collect. But the woman at the shop said, 'We do have smaller buckets'. So, because she was being helpful, I got a 7 litre one from the display at the front of the shop.

Is this a '3 strikes and he's out' situation?

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 10/06/2017 12:14

Quite RhiWrites

MiladyThesaurus · 10/06/2017 12:14

see posters above say 'then do it yourself' - yes, you could, but why should you have to

Because when you delegate to someone else then you have to accept that they won't do it exactly the way you do.

People on MN would be irate if someone's DH wanted to micromanage them and dictate exactly how they do household tasks. This is the same thing.

He brought in something that can be used in exactly the same way as cream. If the difference between cream and Elmlea really matters to you, then you make sure that you do that task and divide up the labour so that he takes on tasks you're happy to just let him get in with.

Lynnm63 · 10/06/2017 12:15

I'm with you op why should you have to write a shopping list as though he's 5 years old, do you have to wrap the money inside the shopping list so the nice lady in the shop can put the change back in it?
How difficult can it be to buy the items you normally use? Does he need reading glasses but forget to take them shopping?

ElinorRigby · 10/06/2017 12:16

I got the slightly smaller bucket because I didn't reckon I was entitled for a refund and the woman in the shop was being helpful.

Husband had not got a receipt, which is an advisable thing to do if the purchase might not turn out to be the right thing.

Because I use small buckets for hand-washing things like woollen jumpers a larger wider bucket can be very heavy to carry round when full of water and sodden knitwear.

I hadn't gone myself to get one as I was in the middle of undercoating skirting boards. (The handle of the old bucket had snapped yesterday when I was carting it about in the course of decorating.)

My husband was going out shopping, so that's why I'd asked him if he could find a new bucket, But I did go and look for a smaller replacment one, when the undercoating was done.

We have got rather a lot of clutter in our house. (Things get hidden and buried and impossible to find, so then more items are bought because we don't realise that we've got the old stuff.)

So at the moment - this has partly been generated by having to move stuff around because of the building work we've just had done - I'm trying to get rid of junk, and also make sure that things we buy are things that we'll actually use - and which don't take up too much space.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 10/06/2017 12:16

Isn't there an Incompetent Husbands thread?

He sounds a bit dim but I think everyone has made the Elmlea mistake.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 12:16

Questions
can it be used for the purpose of what it is replacing?

Elmlea possibly no

fruit juice, diluted squash yes

Bucket, its still a fucking bucket.

The OP needs to be getting a grip. and stop treating her husband like a child.

WindyWednesday · 10/06/2017 12:17

Haha OP you sound like me. It is so frustrating, I get it.

It does wear you down.

TanteJeanne · 10/06/2017 12:18

I'm afraid you sound a bit fussy and a bit bossy. Can't believe you made him take stuff back to the shop- treating him like a naughty boy...
I think you learn by the experience of doing.... the more food shopping he does, the more experienced he will be. That's how we all learn- am sure we have all made mistakes along the way... cut him some slack. These aren't crimes. Just unimportant mistakes.

senua · 10/06/2017 12:18

How do people not know that Elmlea is not cream!!!!????Shock
If a supermarket sells you something called delite, delize, creemy, frooty, sunny-vale and sundry other nice-sounding but vague about what they are things then you can bet your bottom dollar that they are not unadulterated, natural products.

TatianaLarina · 10/06/2017 12:19

People on MN would be irate if someone's DH wanted to micromanage them and dictate exactly how they do household tasks. This is the same thing

No it's not. Dictating how a partner shops is not the same as requesting that they buy what's on the list, what they actually eat.

If my husband gave me a shopping list and I came back with nonsense he'd be equally unimpressed.

bbcessex · 10/06/2017 12:20

metspeller
'you shouldn't discipline a man......

Can't quite get past that as being included as an option for anyone tbh Shock

Madbum · 10/06/2017 12:22

Remember the Elmlea advert with the cat who couldn't tell it wasn't cream? If a cat can't tell then I can't blame the husband!🤣

MiladyThesaurus · 10/06/2017 12:24

No. It's not that men can only understand electronics. I understand the difference between 1080p and 4K, I just don't really care if I'm watching something in one rather than the other. DH does. Neither of us is right. I care much more about the finish of the paint on the woodwork than DH, so I make sure that I'm there to pick satin rather than gloss.

DH is super picky about granola and almond milk so I let him buy that himself. I just can't quite seem to read his mind enough to figure out which of the options he wants me to bring back. I do all the other food shopping.

We both tackle the hoovering in different ways. I start on the top floor and work down; he does the opposite. The floor gets hoovered each way (but when the way I do it it doesn't immediately get walked over again and I think that's better). He has his reasons for doing it his way instead. If I really cared about it, I'd choose to do it myself rather than insist that my way is the only way and he must conform to it.

Just because the DH drink she the juice or eats the cream doesn't mean that he realises that his wife cares deeply about it being exactly that kind. Obviously he must do now since he got a row and sent back to the shop.

frigginell · 10/06/2017 12:25

Exchanging a carton of juice is very unusual, I'm sure. Did he actually take it to customer services?

It's been out of the store, won't it have to be put in the bin now anyway? Confused

TatianaLarina · 10/06/2017 12:25

stop treating her husband like a child

She's not. He needs to stop behaving like one. And women need to raise their standards of what men are actually capable of.

My husband's a paediatric surgeon. If he didn't register the difference penicillin and amoxicillin someone could die. But hey they're both antibiotics, right? You could sort of use one for the other, just as you could drink orange squash for breakfast?

GrumpyOldBag · 10/06/2017 12:25

YANBU.

My DH is also very bad at shopping. I have just sent him to Waitrose with strict instructions not to deviate from the list without phoning first. he has to buy a gluten free ready meal for DS and I had to google the ingredients lists to check as DH apparently can't read a label to check if it has wheat or barley in.

expatinscotland · 10/06/2017 12:26

I'm with sensua and Fluffy. Funny how many of these people function perfectly at work, but are utterly incapable when it comes to anything domestic.

Neverknowing · 10/06/2017 12:27

I honestly think her husband needs to stop acting like a child, surely he should know as well as her what is going on in the house ?!
This comes back to the 'mental work' thing again. To me it's infuriating that a man can't work out how to do simple things in the house because they're used to a woman doing it.
Op shouldn't have to specify not buying something that they never have? Presumably her husband isn't stupid? I swear men just think 'that'll do, I don't need to look any further.'

Kittenswithattitudeandchickens · 10/06/2017 12:27

There are people starving in the world. You got a drink, you got a sort of cream (Elmlea is deceiving unless you know) and you got a bucket. I cannot imagine the scenario where I would MAKE someone take squash back to the shop. I'm sorry OP you need to get a life. If I was your DH I would tell you to shop yourself if you're that picky. Poor sod!

IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 10/06/2017 12:29

at least he's trying

If the op regularly brought home random crap they wouldn't eat. Grown ups can do shopping. If you'd been at a job as long as some men have been adulting and still unable to purchase orange juice on your own you'd get sacked.

Op I thinks he's doing the 'fuck it up till she stops asking' game

MiladyThesaurus · 10/06/2017 12:29

Maybe it's only you who considers it to be 'nonsense'. Maybe he considers himself to have bought what's on the shopping list. Unless you write a shopping list as specific as the ones the pickers get when you shop online, food shopping involves some element of selecting from a range of choices.

Lots of people don't care about their food being 'all natural'. In fact, some people prefer the vague about what it is stuff. My MIL insists on buying spread rather than butter, for example.

expatinscotland · 10/06/2017 12:30

Yeah, because the world is going to hell in a handcart, you have no right to expect your partner to shop for the appropriate food items for his own family, that's women's lot Hmm. Yeah, just do it yourself and when he asks you to do something similar, tell him to do it himself.

WinifredAtwellsOtherPiano · 10/06/2017 12:30

Juice is not squash. Elmlea is not cream.

DH is slightly clueless about some household stuff but if he found himself in a shop with no orange juice (really? Confused) or no cream (more common) he'd text me and say "Elmlea OK?" or go to a different shop.

Elmlea is horrendous stuff, acceptable only in Irish Coffee and that's only because you're normally half-cut by the time you're drinking it anyway.

MiladyThesaurus · 10/06/2017 12:32

My husband's a paediatric surgeon. If he didn't register the difference penicillin and amoxicillin someone could die. But hey they're both antibiotics, right? You could sort of use one for the other, just as you could drink orange squash for breakfast?

Except that one distinction really matters in his job. The other one is merely personal preference.

flibberdee · 10/06/2017 12:34

Am I the only one who didn't know Elmlea isn't cream?!?! What the hell is it then?? I use it in sauces, not for pouring over puddings etc. I always have a carton in the fridge as it lasts so long 🙈 (penny drops, cream wouldn't last that long would it....)

Oh, help. Have I failed in life?!?

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