DP and I live together with my DS from a previous relationship.
Before we moved in he lived with his parents and I saw him most weekends and we would usually go out for a few drinks.
After we moved in it became apparent that he drinks alot more than I realised. He drinks every night in the house, up to six or seven cans a night. He obviously has built up a tolerance for drinking this amount as he isn't drunk during the week from drinking at home. It later transpired that it has been about ten years since he has had a completely alcohol-free day. He goes out after work at the weekend and will have several pints and this is when he does get drunk. If I'm not out with him he appears home, and I have to put him to bed as he is too wasted to even take his own shoes off. There have been times where he has been sick and I've had to clean him up, he has fallen, and a couple of times has woken up still drunk/sleepwalking and wet the bed. Last night he ended up going to the toilet in the kitchen bin, there was mess all over the kitchen floor and for the first time ever I lost my patience and shouted at him.
Following that, he appeared to sober up and tried to apologise but I am at my limit of how much more I can take.
I tried to explain to him how mentally draining it is to sit at home every Friday, calculating how much money he has taken out with him to work out how much he will have to drink and what sort of state that means he will come home in to mentally prepare myself for what I'll be dealing with. How difficult it is to join him if we go out together and have him poke fun at me in front of his friends because he gets really insensitive when he is drunk. The fact it's damaging his health and I'm worried sick about him.
He thinks that because he is able to hold down his job and that he isn't drunk every night that it's not a problem. He says I knew what I was getting into and if I am so unhappy, why haven't I left him? We are by no means well off either and the amount of money he spends on alcohol is crazy- I never have money to spend on myself but he manages to find it one way or another.
I am suffering from depression and anxiety (present before I even met him, so not as a result of this). More recently (possibly due to the stress of living like this but also due to work and things too) it has been worse and he had quite a frank discussion with me (kindly) about how my moods were affecting all of us and that I needed to address it. I listened to him and have sought treatment and made an effort to improve things and with his support I am feeling a bit better and my moods are no longer taking their toll on our relationship.
He thinks that because it's not a problem with regards to his work or because he isn't having any visible side effects that his drinking isn't a problem. He isn't affected by it but I am and that doesn't seem to matter.
He is an otherwise very affectionate, generous and fun partner. I love him to death which is why I'm not just walking away. I want to find a way to resolve this and help him address his drinking so we can move forward but I know I can't do that until he accepts that his habit is causing him damage and us damage.
DS isn't around when there is drinking going on and isn't directly affected by it but I know this could change and at that point I will have no choice but to leave for his sake but I love my partner and I want to help him, not abandon him. He just doesn't want or think he needs it.