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Original poster

What are the logistics of cancelling a wedding?

542 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/06/2017 08:52

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I'm chief bridesmaid for my best friend TODAY, AND SHE's just decided she can't go through with it. We're in a hotel,both of the families are here as well as quite a few of the guests. Apparently drowning myself in prosecco is not an option, so I need practical advice.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 10/06/2017 16:53

My wonderful DF said to me, as we were driving to the service, that if I wasn't completely sure that this was what I wanted to do, all I had to do was say.

there was no reason to suggest I wasn't happy to be getting married, and DH and I have now been married for 15 years, but I loved that if I had had any doubts he gave me the opportunity to say so before it was too late. I think there should be someone (for both the B&G!) who do this on the day, it would save a lot of long term heartache

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 16:53

Papafran

there are very few posters that have said that she should have gone through with it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 16:55

bobbybaby2017
I'm not for one minute suggesting anyone cheated however if the groom I knew had called it off earlier it would have saved a lot of heartache.

the very same has been said here about the bride.

If there are doubts or any reason not to get married, say it before it's too late and this is clearly what this bride has done.

I think that everyone on here agrees with that

My example was to demonstrate what can happen if you go through with something you have doubts about

Yes and there are many that show that the groom isn't the 'guilty' party

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 10/06/2017 16:57

What a mess of a situation.

You're a good friend for helping her out, OP. I don't know if I'd be so generous.

Hope you're ok.

Andrewofgg · 10/06/2017 17:03

she might be a friend but it's her mess to sort out, not yours. Leave her to it!

Isn't there a saying about "a friend in need . . ."

CeeCeeEnnEss · 10/06/2017 17:07

Calling it off so late ensures a lifetime of gossip. Poor groom.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 10/06/2017 17:18

I feel sorry for the poor fella her on the other she's a heartless bitch if she didn't ever want to get married then why say yes when he proposed and waste all that time and money on a wedding she didn't want.

ohtheholidays · 10/06/2017 17:20

RestlessTraveller I hope the groom,his parents and the brides parents and the bride are all okay.

I can't imagine how the poor Groom must be feeling and though it is very last minute I can't believe the bride has had the guts to pull out at the last minute and then not only face the Groom but what would have been her FIL and Mil as well.

With your friend acting earily cool about it all that could be her body taking over for her and going into auto pilot,once she's had time to take in what she's done I should imagie there will be lots of tears.

SnickersWasAHorse · 10/06/2017 17:29

Calling it off so late ensures a lifetime of gossip. Poor groom.

Yes because being talked about is so much worse than being in a loveless miserable marriage for a few years while you try to get a divorce.

Papafran · 10/06/2017 17:35

Calling it off so late ensures a lifetime of gossip

Maybe if it is the 1950s and you live in a small village. People will get over it. It's much better that some people talk about you for a few months than going through a very serious legal and possibly religious ceremony that you don't want to. It really, really is.

Also, if someone told you very shortly after the wedding that they married you out of pity and will be filing for divorce asap, would your reaction not be 'why the hell did you go through with the ceremony?'. That would be my reaction at least.

Or maybe BillSykes thinks that the charade should be kept up for longer- maybe wait 6 months until you tell your spouse you want to leave them.

sharklovers · 10/06/2017 17:40

What a nasty situation for all involved. In previous best man roles I've always made it clear to the groom that there's a fast car with a full fuel tank at his disposal should it be required.

fruitlovingmonkey · 10/06/2017 17:47

I wouldn't mind if I was a guest at a wedding that was called off. It would probably be in a great location surrounded by friends and we could make the most of it. Plus, no boring speeches to listen to.
The idea that guests are owed some sort of a show just because they've paid for outfits and accommodation is ridiculous.

Hulababy · 10/06/2017 17:52

Id think she was more brave if she stuck around for a few days before running off to NY.

She needs to take some responsibility for this, not just leave it to the OP, he parents, the groom and his parents.

She needs to let people know in some way, thank them for their time and money in coming, but sorry, for personal reasons she cant go ahead. However she will help people who have taken time and money to support her wedding, to recoup some of their costs - returning any gifts, helping sorting out with any hotel cancellations, etc. And of course it costs people a lot of money to attend a wedding - plus, have you never seen all the MN threads about how you should be wearing the same old dress, etc. ??

She needs to be speaking to the registrar, the venue, the caterers, the photographer, etc about what happens next. Reassuring them that they will be paid in full and when, where things need to be sent (food, drink, flowers), and if she needs to provide them with any further details to follow up on.

And then, when she has sorted out what needs doing, go away for her time out and to get her head together.

AFAWK the groom is the innocent party right now - no assumptions unless we are old differently. Why should he be the one left standing and sorting out the mess?

It isn't brave to just run away.

GeekyWombat · 10/06/2017 17:55

*Calling it off so late ensures a lifetime of gossip. Poor groom.

Yes because being talked about is so much worse than being in a loveless miserable marriage for a few years while you try to get a divorce.*

This.

Hulababy · 10/06/2017 17:57

It would probably be in a great location surrounded by friends and we could make the most of it.

Not necessarily. I've been to weddings where we've only known one or two other people, in some random place either in the middle of nowhere or a city where the people live. And sometimes staying in an overpriced hotel just because of the one wedding.

And these days for me - have taken an unpaid day off work as they've had week day weddings and I work in a school, so paid holiday days not an option.

I don't expect a 'show' for my outgoings. But I don't think it is unreasonable for people to feel somewhat put out at spending a fortune.

Beyondworried · 10/06/2017 17:57

What a horrible situation.
bride sounds like a nightmare....... what a terrible thing to do on the wedding day then fucking off to NY the next day. Why on earth did she leave it so long to call it off. Horrible woman.

sonjadog · 10/06/2017 18:03

I would imagine the bride is also very upset about this whole situation, Hulababy, and may not be emotionally strong enough to deal with taking on all those jobs right now. I think situations like these are what friends and family are for - to help you when you are in crisis.

questsabelletreetop · 10/06/2017 18:06

Why leave it so late in the day?! Poor poor groom😞

BeaLola · 10/06/2017 18:07

You asked for practical advice - did she change her PP in advance to what she expected to be her married name and hence names on her flight booking because if so she can't fly off to NY on that PP!as she hasn't got married.

sodablackcurrant · 10/06/2017 18:10

I also think it was very harsh to make the decision on the day of the wedding.

However, we don't know the full circumstances. She could have found out something devastating the night before or something.

If it were me, I would have feigned a heart attack or sudden illness that prevented the ceremony from going ahead. I am sure this has happened many times in reality. Saves all the humiliation.

Then when word gets back that Bride is out of danger, have the party anyway. Groom of course is gone to be with his bride to be at the hospital, so he doesn't need to explain anything. Well he's gone to the next town to the pub actually!

I'm not trying to make light of a dreadful situation, but there are ways of doing it at such short notice really. If one has any heart at all.

Hulababy · 10/06/2017 18:11

sonjadog

Yes, she may be emotional and not feeling strong right now. But it is still something that she, as an adult, needs to do - with the support of friends and family, yes. But not leaving them (or just the groom) to do it themselves, on her behalf.

We all have to do things we sometimes don't want to do, or even feel that we will struggle to do. But she is a grown up and ultimately she has made this decision at such a late stage - so she should stay around for a few days and help with the mess and fall out.

Smilingthru · 10/06/2017 18:12

OP just wanted to say I hope everything went ok with the cancellations. 💐

TheNaze73 · 10/06/2017 18:12

Sounds like he had a lucky escape

Hulababy · 10/06/2017 18:12

I think situations like these are what friends and family are for - to help you when you are in crisis

Exactly, to HELP you. Not just do it for you whilst you swan off several hundred miles away.

PurpleDaisies · 10/06/2017 18:15

I thought the bride was going tomorrow not today. Everything that needs to be cancelled has to be sorted today so the op won't have anything left from the bridesmaid role tomorrow.

As far as I know phones still work in America. I'm really confused as to what people think the bride needs to be around for, apart from scorn and derision from unhappy guests.

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