What are the logistics of cancelling a wedding?

[RestlessTraveller]

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I'm chief bridesmaid for my best friend TODAY, AND SHE's just decided she can't go through with it. We're in a hotel,both of the families are here as well as quite a few of the guests. Apparently drowning myself in prosecco is not an option, so I need practical advice.

No it isn't classic mumsnet. Anyone who decides they do not want to get married should cancel, even at the last minute. Because marrying when you know you don't want to, is not a good course of action.

no what is classic mumsnet is someone saying she is probably backing out because the bloke has abusive tendencies!

I would hope we are in different times now, but there's plenty of mumsnet threads by women who gave up their career without even a promise of marriage, thinking it was progressive.

If there are plenty then please link 3 threads.

No it isn't classic mumsnet. Anyone who decides they do not want to get married should cancel, even at the last minute. Because marrying when you know you don't want to, is not a good course of action.

It's the leaving it until the last minute that people are annoyed at.

Hope you are ok OP. It must have been a hell of a shock for you. The bride obviously had misgivings but you've been blindsided. I hope no one from the Groom's side is giving you a hard time.

Hope your job isn't too awful, OP.
I'm sure you're copping a load of secondhand shit that should actually be going the bride's way, not yours - shoot the messenger stylee.
I hope she knows what she's doing all right - but since it's her own money she's wasted, it's not as bad as if it had been her parents' money, or the groom's money.
Still shitty for the groom and his family though!

Have you managed to contact the guests? They will also have incurred costs in preparing/attending the wedding.

Does she have form for this kind of thing? It is very self-centred to cancel on the day when she must have known beforehand. As well as humiliating the groom, she will have upset the guests too. How has she booked herself on a flight to NY, does she have her ESTA with her?!

If this is true (and I'm hoping it isn't) then I would certainly be reviewing the friendship because it is an awful thing to do.

VestalVirgin

Cowardly is a word that I haven't used (although others may have), but she has decided this and she should stay to sort it.

As for him possibly being abusive that is just others projecting their agenda.

Okay, this may well sound very stupid. But I was just reading today (in the DM, so sue me) about how Princess Diana wanted so badly to call off her wedding and she was told; 'It's too late. Your face is already on the tea towels'.

I felt so sorry about that, feeling how isolated and alone she must have felt.

I can only imagine that calling off your wedding on the day itself is a terrifying time, and terrifying experience. It is dreadful, currently dreadful for everyone, and unspeakably horrible for the groom. But, I do believe that calling it off - when you really cannot go through it in good faith - I do think it is better than the alternative.

You don't need an ESTA 'with you', you just need to have one.

Poor groom to be.

And I really do not think anyone should go through a wedding because it is good manners.

I was MoH for a friend who cancelled three weeks before. She'd badgered her fiancé into proposing and then cancelled at the last minute. He was devastated, and took months to pick himself up - a lovely guy who didn't deserve it.

Two of her bridesmaids don't even speak to her any more because of the fallout it caused. It damaged our relationship too.

But doing it ON THE DAY?! That's unforgivable. Either she's thought about it for a long time, in which case she could have called it off long before now, or she had a last second case of nerves, in which case she should probably work on that and get through the wedding.

Selfish drama queen.

But I agree with some PPs - she might be a friend but it's her mess to sort out, not yours. Leave her to it!

Shoot me now .. but, I think she should grit her teeth and go through with it! She can leave him later, it won't be any more painful for him than being jilted at the alter.

I began to a reading hvthis who'd off to a wedding later today us slightly apanic 😆

Shoot me now .. but, I think she should grit her teeth and go through with it

Well that's not really an option since she told him ages ago it's off.

I was probably just hypothetically musing witch 😉

My ex cancelled our wedding nine weeks before it should have happened, the day after the invitations had gone out. That was humiliating enough, I can't imagine how awful it must be when it happens on the actual day. Poor, poor bloke. And no. I don't think it's right to marry someone you don't want to, but fgs think about it before you get to the wedding day! It took me years to get over it and trust people enough to have a decent relationship. I'm happily married to someone else now, but even 15 years later it still occasionally comes up in people's conversations and makes me squirm.

She may as well go off to New York. The shit will still be stuck to her - people will be talking about it. It will all still be there when she comes back. The groom won't need her in his face, he will probably need space surrounded by those that really care for him. All the practicalities need doing on the day. Once back she could do with sending a small apology card to guests and returning presents.

I hope they all end up ok, but especially the groom.

I'm thinking Sophie Kinsella style, noclass

You'd need access to the ESTA details to book a flight though, surely?

vestal what ar you on about?

whose prgnant in this?

whose abusive-its like youve read a book thn posted on this thread its all irrelevant

Respectfully to previous posters- it really irritates me when people start posting that they think the OP is not being real and they are writing a novel.

Sorry- has no-one EVER been jilted at the altar? Has it never ever happened IRL? Could it not just be that it is actually happening?

I wish we lived in a world where bad / mad / slightly strange and rather unfortunate things just did not happen. But we don't.

Everything on here's 100% true always arty am that anyone would think otherwise.

Where's the OP gone? I want to know what the groom said.