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Original poster

What are the logistics of cancelling a wedding?

542 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/06/2017 08:52

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I'm chief bridesmaid for my best friend TODAY, AND SHE's just decided she can't go through with it. We're in a hotel,both of the families are here as well as quite a few of the guests. Apparently drowning myself in prosecco is not an option, so I need practical advice.

OP posts:
ShinyGirl · 10/06/2017 11:51

What a horrid thing to do.

Cornishdreamer · 10/06/2017 11:53

Are you 100% sure you aren't a supporting character in a book?

Ilovebaconbutimonadiet · 10/06/2017 11:53

I don't doubt the fact that she has a very good reason for not going through with this. But she's rude & mean and doesn't have any right of putting everyone into this situation. Jesus Christ. Adults, huh?

QueenMortificado · 10/06/2017 11:54

If anyone did this to one of my sons , I would hunt them down and kill them.

No you wouldn't

bigmac4me · 10/06/2017 11:54

How completely evil to be running away to New York tomorrow leaving you/her parents/the ex groom/his parents to deal with the fallout.

Notsure1234 · 10/06/2017 11:55

She's doing the right thing but should stay around to sort it herself. Poor groom.

As a guest I'd be annoyed at her deciding last minute too if I'm honest. I'd understand it was the right thing to do but would be annoyed at the amount of time and money I'd wasted on travel/accommodation/clothing/gifts/childcare/booking annual leave/hen party etc. I wouldn't say so though of course

BillSykesDog · 10/06/2017 11:56

People saying it would have been better if they'd called off their failed marriages are deluded. Divorce is common and almost totally without stigma and can be handled privately. Lots of marriages fail early on and most of them don't warrant much more than a raised eyebrow.

When you get jilted that's it. You're forever 'Jim who got jilted'. You're never 'Jim who goes rock climbing' or has great moves or likes BBQs again. People whisper about you behind your back and if you start dating again it's the elephant in the room.

Honestly, my BIL says that even now a decade later when he's at social events it still always happens that he'll end up in a situation where he comes into a room and people suddenly shut up and look embarrassed and he knows they've been having a conversation about it or filling in a new acquaintance on all the gossip.

It was very tough on him as well as people do gossip and there was speculation he'd done something wrong. It wasn't the case, in fact the bride in that case actually had a lot of her own secrets she knew would come out after she married and possibly break them up.

But no, there is nowhere near the stigma if you break up after the event. I don't think people appreciate how destroying it can be.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 10/06/2017 11:57

There are some nasty people on here.

Yes, the timing of this sucks. Yes, she really should have done this sooner. Yes, the poor groom will be devastated, but let's not get carried away. He will move on from this and it's better to have come out now than after.

A family member of mine couldn't through with their wedding and called it off 6 weeks before. The fiance was devastated obviously but they did move on and everything worked out better. That wedding being called off was a good thing because 1 person knew full well they shouldn't be going through with it. To go through with something you know you shouldn't be is much worse. Especially when that comes out later.

mynameislolita · 10/06/2017 11:59

.

Babbitywabbit · 10/06/2017 12:01

'I'd do anything for my best friend, so I'd help her with the practicalities of this without question. Many people on here seem to have very shallow friendships, I'm glad I'm not one of them & I don't think you are either.'

Oh behave!
I think most of us on here have adult friendships, not junior school playground 'bezzie' ones.

If I were the OP I would calmly sort any practicalities for the sake of the families and friends. When the bride jets off to NY I would be seriously taking stock of the friendship. I'd be questioning the depth of a friendship not only because the bride has dealt with this callously, but also because she clearly didn't feel able to confide her true feelings to the OP (or the groom) before now

SequinsOnEverything · 10/06/2017 12:03

Are you 100% sure you aren't a supporting character in a book?

Grin

I do think it's terrible to cancel it today and feel so sorry for the groom and all the guests. Going to a wedding can be really expensive, I'd be pissed off that I'd spent all that money and there was no wedding.

Branleuse · 10/06/2017 12:04

omg,the poor groom. He may never feel able to trust a woman again. She should have thought about this a Long time before the actual day. What a total drama queen.

therootoftheroot · 10/06/2017 12:04

but calling it off six weeks before is completely different!

he was probably in his hotel room with his suit hanging up ready to put on, his special cufflinks sitting on the side-his buttonhole had probably been delivered ready to put on.

Cancelling a wedding ON THE DAY is just horrendous and will cause untold grief. It is a completely heartless thing to do to anyone-especially someone you have previously loved enough to say you will marry them!

PacificDogwod · 10/06/2017 12:04

Of course it is preferable for a wedding that should never have been to not go ahead, rather than have to go through a divorce.

And yes, maybe it is brave to make that decision and its announcement on the morning of the actual day. I also appreciate saying 'she should have thought about that earlier' is not actually helpful, but, fuck me, she should have thought about that earlier!!

Yes, look after her, help her, but it does remain HER mess, not yours.

Look after the guests, cancel what you can, rope in as many people for help and have a large Wine tonight.
Best of luck.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 12:05

StatisticallyChallenged

What good will her being here do, at that point. The wedding's been cancelled so there will be no physical clearing up or sorting out to do - that will all happen today.

Yes lets ignore the emotional fallout from this and just make other people deal with the extended explanations about why she dumped someone on their wedding day.

It just continues to show what a thoughtless person she is.

RandomDent · 10/06/2017 12:06

Would it make a difference to some of you if she'd booked a week in Skeggy instead? She's going to New York because her friend lives there, not to prance around the city in heels drinking cocktails.

TheHobbitMum · 10/06/2017 12:07

I certainly hope she makes sure every guest is repaid every penny they have spent getting to the wedding. I think she's right not to go through with it (should've spoken up before now though!) and she needs to deal with the fallout of this, certainly not groom!

VinoTime · 10/06/2017 12:07

OP I would suggest having this thread removed as soon as you feel you've gathered enough advice.

The last thing that poor man needs right now is for the Daily Fail to pick this up and splash it across their online site. It would be very identifying for anyone who knows the couple.

Zoflorabore · 10/06/2017 12:07

This isn't about the money this is about people's lives!
Am not sure whether she is brace or cruel but if she has had any doubts up until today then she should have spoken to the groom.

Can you imagine the massive shock he had?
I couldn't imagine anyone getting over that.

I do feel extremely sorry for the groom in this case. He's woken up today, probably very nervous/excited etc and is then given the bombshell that the wedding is off for what reason? Doubts?
I don't dispute the bride's reasons but for him it isn't like there has been some dramatic situation which would make it a bit easier to swallow.

PacificDogwod · 10/06/2017 12:09

I think the OP is a tad busy just now...

PurpleDaisies · 10/06/2017 12:10

Yes lets ignore the emotional fallout from this and just make other people deal with the extended explanations about why she dumped someone on their wedding day

Why is she obliged to tell everyone the ins and outs, whys and wherefores etc of what happened? All she needs to say is that it wasn't the right thing and people need to accept that. It's nobody's business.

GabsAlot · 10/06/2017 12:14

i agree zoflora she wou hav known weeks ago that marriage wasnt for her

as op says shes not panicking shes calm so could have done it yesterday

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 12:18

RandomDent

For me its not were she is going, or what she is doing (although you don't know what she has planned when she gets there)

It is that she is leaving it for others to sort out.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/06/2017 12:19

This seems cruel and she should have done it before.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 12:20

PurpleDaisies
Why is she obliged to tell everyone the ins and outs, whys and wherefores etc of what happened?

Does she have to tell them everything? No she doesn't

But she should be the one to field the calls.

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