AIBU or does this look like my husband has contacted an escort for sex??

[FeellikeLTB]

Sorry for rambling but I'm shaking and fuming right now.

Hubby came home today from working abroad and I've just seen this screenshot in his IPad gallery. (Not snooping, daughter and I were scrolling through pics on there from when we last visited)
We are at his mothers for the night and it's the first time he's seen her in 10 months so I don't want to make a scene.
I have confronted him and at first he looked confused like I was showing him a picture of a fucking dog with 3 heads and said "I don't know" then he said "it's a long story". I told him I didn't want to hear it and I wanted him to drive us home after we'd eaten and he could stay at his mums.
He's now gone upstairs in his old bedroom because he's tired from the flight, bless him And I'm sat downstairs with his mum and sister who hardly speak English entertaining our 6 year old daughter.
I want to smother him with a pillow but I'm not insured to drive the car.
So AIBU to think this is him looking for a shag while he's working away?
And what should I do?

*you

Just realised my post is very poorly put across so sorry if it doesnt seem to make sense. main jist - dont judge OP for a decision you haven't had to make.

I'm so sorry, OP.

As a PP said, what you need to decide for yourself is not if he is lying or telling the truth, but if you can trust him, if you can live with even the possibility that he has paid for sex/thought about paying for sex.

You say he has "form" for stupid little lies, and little lies often lead to bigger ones.

If I were you I'd divorce, because it sounds as if you are a parenting solo anyway most of the time if he works away, and so practically life will be no worse without him permanently.

It is very easy to sit behind a screen and say "I would do this" or LTB immediately but harder in real life.

Think it over but consider that the most probable explanation is that he did it, not his "mate". And that regardless, he thought it was OK to treat you so disrespectfully as to fail to discuss it immediately you found it. He didn't care how you were feeling. He didn't care about you.

He will beg you so as not to lose face, so his family and friends don't discover his grubby actions. That's a given. But can you really truly hand on your heart say he's begging for your forgiveness and trust because he live you more than anything? That's what you need to ask yourself.

At this point it is about you, not about him. Focus on yourself.

Am I the only one to spot that that is a picture taken of a screen. It's not a screenshot

Thank you @Ledkr. Someone who actually realises that people aren't going to instantly chuck away their lives because some screeching women on a message board tell them to.

People come on here for advice and support. Haranguing someone to leave their husband within five minutes is neither good advice nor supportive. In fact, it's just pathetic to imagine that you are so important that everyone will do what you say instantly

@Tippitoesandbuttonnose it's because OP took a photo of Her husbands iPad (I think)

At first glance it looked to me like a smart TV.

So he and his friend sit around in his hotel bedroom messaging prostitutes together? Thats grim just in itself. But i do think its very unlikely that either there is a single friend, or if there is that your husband doesn't also partake. Sorry but i'd be asking for phone/laptop/bank statements to try and find anymore evidence.

I'll be honest I do kind of believe him

I feel for you OP, but if you "believe" this crock of shite, you're basically giving him the green light to continue doing things like this as much as he wants in future.

"Screeching women"

"Nasty bitch"

Nice. Let's save our hate for the men that treat women like this instead of adding to the culture of misogyny that supports it in the first place.

Nobody expects op to immediately end her marriage. Practically, of course it doesn't work like that anyway. What is so sad to see is women still falling for this shit in the face of all evidence and men getting to carry on treating the families they purport to love like they are worthless.

AF with a screen name like yours I don't know how you expect anyone to take you seriously.

Tiger Are you the OPs husband?

He's lying

I am sorry OP.

You know the truth. It's ok to take as long as you need to face it and work out what you want to do. Being in denial and wanting to believe him is completely normal. Most people would feel how you feel right now and it often takes people a long time to do anything about it due to fear of the unknown or just not wanting to face up to the devastation.

When you are ready I am sure you will see him for the cheating bastard he is.

Some women on here will tie themselves into knots to defend a man. As for calling AF a nasty bitch? Completely underserved.

Tigher stop being so bloody stupid. I am embarrassed for you.

Tiger not Tigher... new nails are hard to type with

U2HasTheEdge You don't have to be embarrassed for me Hun, be embarrassed for yourself. I always see AF on other threads with foul language but then again I guess she/he is living up to their name, and I'm not the only person who thinks she's nasty.

TigerApplique I may not always agree with AF, or with the way she delivers what she has to say, but she spends many an hour on here advising women in situations similar to OPs, and actually, a lot of them (and others) take her seriously! She knows her stuff, and she is willing to help and advise, and does.

There is no need for anyone to be nasty, especially to the op (comments thrown at her that she is dumb, etc) We are supposed to be supporting her, not pulling her apart.

How about we giev her time to process what she is finding out, before critisizing her?

This is not a thread for you to slag off AF. She hasn't said anything that other people didn't say. Don't like her, fine but be grown up enough to shut the fuck up about it and stop using someone else's thread to try and point score. MNers swear, we use foul language. Get over it or log off.

Anyway, enough said because this is about the OP, not your petty hatred of another poster.

OP I hope you are holding up ok today

U2HasTheEdge hatred? Oh please I don't hate anyone and speaking of petty, stop embarrassing yourself.

Even if he is telling the truth, the way he has treated you is appalling.
He's chosen to leave you sitting with his mum out of your mind with worry for hours while he lays in bed, instead of just telling you. Do you honestly want to be with someone who treats you like that?

As much as you believe him, you must know that he is lying. Either way, he doesn't sound like he has much respect for you

Tiger- the only person embarrassing the self here is you- hun

I've reported the post calling AnyFucker a 'btch' as it is a personal attack, plain and simple; I'd urge others to do the same as irrespective of whether you share her views or not, it is beyond not ok to call her a 'btch' for articulating them.

OP I hope you're doing ok today although I know from personal experience precisely where you will be right now: intellectually you know it to be true as it's there in black and white, coupled with his response/s to it; but emotionally you will be desperate to not believe it given the bomb it's dropped to the heart of your marriage. It's a fucking horrific place to be & I feel for you.

On a side but relevant note, my Ex also swore on our childrens lives (plural). When further, utterly irrefutable, proof appeared, he said he was really uncomfotable doing that not so uncomfortable to as NOT have done that though but that he did it for ME!!!! Yes, to protect me from upset and as he loved me just sooooooooooo much, that was his justification for said swearing on child/ren's lives. Horseshit huh?

Please don't fall for it, save yourself the pain of the next X years before you do eventually leave him anyway (as he/this will NOT change; if anything it will get worse now if you stay with him as he knows he can get away with it). I did not leave initially but hung on for crumbs and as I believed that no humane person would swear on their own child's life knowing themselves to be lying

IF you choose to stay, then please do so in an informed way.

And just for the situation you find yourself in.

And Tiger - if 'foul language' offends you to the point of such blindness may I gently suggest that MN is not the right forum for you? Swearing is, thank fucking god, not censored on here so if that offends your sensibilities then genuinely and politely maybe you are in the wrong place

And parking the above, are you OP's ''D'H? Or stayed in a marriage like this to avoid facing your own painful truth? As, TBH, it's a stretch to see where else your posts have stemmed from given they are all frankly barking.

Anyone that had moral code enough to know this was wrong would have deleted this if it wasn't theirs. Better yet, mention it to you without being asked. Better still, not aid a friend in paying for a women's body.

This is the complacency of someone who has justified prostution use to themselves enough to overlook the evidence they've left behind.