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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with DP

144 replies

LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 08:15

Yesterday, I got up quickly from the sofa to get DD who is 10 months as I did, my knee 'popped' and gave way. There was some pain but I could hobble.

I was hobbling all evening and the pain has become increasingly worse. Ibuprofen isn't touching it. By bed time I could barely walk to bed.

This morning the pain is just as bad and I can only walk 2-3 steps before the pain is too bad and my knee can't support my weight. So buff shuffling it is.

I asked DP if he could not go to work today (he's a teacher) so he could help look after DD and drive me to the doctors as the pain means I can't drive. He's refused.

I'm really upset and in so much pain, we have no family near by and I'm struggling to look after DD. She's 10 months old and walking, she's into everything and despite babyproofing as best I can, I still need to get up and down to her.

AIBU to be upset with DP, should he have taken a day off work to help me so I can see a doctor?

OP posts:

Squirmy65ghyg · 09/06/2017 08:19

I don't think he's being unreasonable. Can you get a taxi? Have you got an appointment?

Joolsy · 09/06/2017 08:19

I feel for you. I have no family nearby so no help. But how easy is it for him to take the day off?

Original poster

LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 08:21

Honestly, he hasn't had a single day off all year, he's on PPA for half the day today anyway and his HT is a lovely woman and I don't think she'd have a problem.

OP posts:

Frillyhorseyknickers · 09/06/2017 08:22

My DP is self employed and I absolutely would not expect him to take the day off work to take me to see the doctor.

Can you not ask for a home visit given the circumstances?

Sirzy · 09/06/2017 08:24

A teacher can't just take a day off on a whim!

The fact he hasn't had a day off all year doesn't mean he can suddenly take one off.

It's not easy but sadly you can't expect him to take a day off. Lots of rest, ICE it and keep it elevated when you can and hopefully it will settle down soon.

caffeinestream · 09/06/2017 08:24

Can you get a taxi?

I know it sucks being injured and home with a baby/toddler but teaching is one of those jobs where days off should really be avoided at all costs.

44PumpLane · 09/06/2017 08:25

Home visit? taxi?

If he was in a job where he would work from home it might be good for him to support you by staying at home, but given he's a teacher and your injury isn't life threatening I think he's not unreasonable to go to work.

You are not unreasonable to feel sorry for yourself though and curse the situation.

Take care and hope you manage to get sorted.

pasturesgreen · 09/06/2017 08:26

Taxi there and back? Home visit? A friend driving you, at a push? Lots of options without your DP having to take the day off.

Sirzy · 09/06/2017 08:28

A home visit for a sore knee? Can't see that happening!

AyeAmarok · 09/06/2017 08:29

It's shit for you. But this is one of the drawbacks of being a teacher. He can't just take a day off because his sickness record is good.

BarbarianMum · 09/06/2017 08:32

"A teacher cant take the day off on a whim"

They can take the day off to look after their own child when their partner has been injured, though.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 09/06/2017 08:36

What Barbarian said. If the op is struggling to walk she will struggle to look after a 10 month old baby with no idea of danger. We hear all these people on posts saying you can't pop next door with a baby monitor in case there is a fire. Same thing applies here. Op is not capable of keeping baby safe if she can't walk, in these circumstances I think even a teacher taking a day off would be sensible. And she is unlikely to get a home visit. I'd love to know where all these people live that get home visits.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 09/06/2017 08:36

My husband is a teacher and I know for a fact he wouldn't take a day off for this. It's just not done and tbh I wouldn't ask. If I were you I'd get a taxi to the GP and if he sends you for xray then take childcare from there. Have you got friends you could call on? Hopefully your DH will leave school straight away after last lesson and take over.

Original poster

LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 08:42

No I don't have any friends in the area. I can try and get a home visit but I highly doubt that will happen.

It isn't just the fact I need to see a doctor, I can barely move and not capable of chasing after DD. She's so active, she won't stay still for a second!
We live in a flat and the doors don't close properly! Do DD keeps attempting to get through to the kitchen or to the bathroom etc.

OP posts:

marcopront · 09/06/2017 08:42

I presume in 5 years time when your child is in school you will not complain about her having a supply teacher because her teacher is at home with a mildly unwell partner.

Original poster

LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 08:45

Why would anyone complain about their child having a supply teacher? They are just as qualified as a permanent teacher.

OP posts:

Sisinisawa · 09/06/2017 08:47

I think yanbu.
I would expect my husband to stay home in those circumstances definitely.
You can't look after your daughter so he needs to.

BarbarianMum · 09/06/2017 08:47

Why would you complain because your child's teacher has an emergency day off? Do you complain if they get sick too? The OP is incapacitated, not feeling a bit under the weather with a cold.

arbrighton · 09/06/2017 08:50

There is a massive difference between the regular teacher, who has planned the lesson, marked the work, has rapport with the students, knows their names and someone (often not actually supply on day one, but an unqualified cover supervisor) parachuted in, with at best a scrawled repeat of work done or something dull from a book. Or, given your DH has half a day PPA, which suggests primary, a TA left to cover the class.

And PPA time is seriously precious. It's not a doss

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 09/06/2017 08:51

well you know where you are in his priorities!

Not even an offer to drop you off on the way, or for you to try and sort a lunchtime appointment and come and get you??

Selfish twat.

IJustLostTheGame · 09/06/2017 08:52

Yanbu.
He should have taken you to A&E or minor injuries this morning.
Ring the school and get him to come back.
It's not as though you have a cold or something trifling.

Original poster

LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 08:52

Cover supervisors are for secondary schools not primary IME. Only teachers with QTS can cover primary lessons otherwise the TA's would do it not get in supply.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 09/06/2017 08:54

Oh good grief! I swear mumsnet is the most unsympathetic place sometimes.

OP you need to see a doctor. Taxi if you have to. Can you strap it up tightly (but not cutting off blood supply) for a bit extra support for the minute?

Tinseleverywhere · 09/06/2017 08:54

I think no wonder you are upset as you are in a lot of pain and trying to care for an active toddler while not able to walk easily. But on the other hand some of the responses on here show the reaction your Dh would have got if he took the day off for this reason. Maybe not from the head but it can still make his life very difficult if colleagues think he is slacking off. So I would try to suck it up as much as possible and not get into a row with him about it. Get to the GP for some help with your knee and go from there.

expatinscotland · 09/06/2017 08:54

Get a taxi. Put her in a travel cot.

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