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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DP

144 replies

LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 08:15

Yesterday, I got up quickly from the sofa to get DD who is 10 months as I did, my knee 'popped' and gave way. There was some pain but I could hobble.

I was hobbling all evening and the pain has become increasingly worse. Ibuprofen isn't touching it. By bed time I could barely walk to bed.

This morning the pain is just as bad and I can only walk 2-3 steps before the pain is too bad and my knee can't support my weight. So buff shuffling it is.

I asked DP if he could not go to work today (he's a teacher) so he could help look after DD and drive me to the doctors as the pain means I can't drive. He's refused.

I'm really upset and in so much pain, we have no family near by and I'm struggling to look after DD. She's 10 months old and walking, she's into everything and despite babyproofing as best I can, I still need to get up and down to her.

AIBU to be upset with DP, should he have taken a day off work to help me so I can see a doctor?

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 09/06/2017 09:31

OP...get a taxi.

You haven't said why that's no doable yet?

expatinscotland · 09/06/2017 09:32

Have you even got your appointment? It's possible it may be after he finishes work. I ruptured my ACL completely in a skiing accident. I had to wait for the swelling to go down to have the reconstruction op. Basically they sent me home with loads of anti-inflammatories and sticks to help me walk without it giving way. After a couple of days, I could get around pretty well.

caffeinestream · 09/06/2017 09:32

Thing is, not all people have jobs where you can take last-minute days off without it having massive consequences.

Ideally, you would be able to rely on your partner to step-up, but if, for example, they won't get paid and they're the sole earner, or they're going to let down a bunch of GCSE students who have exams, it's not as easy as just not going to work.

People do sympathise with the OP, but I don't think the DP should take a day off work unless there are absolutely no other options.

Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 09:36

I won't get a taxi because I don't know how I'll be able to get DD in and out of the taxi, to the doors etc. It's not getting to the docs that's my main concern it's looking after DD, she's asleep now luckily.

OP posts:
caffeinestream · 09/06/2017 09:40

Can you ring and get an appointment, and ask him to come home then, so he only has to miss a couple of lessons/hours as opposed to the whole day?

Sirzy · 09/06/2017 09:40

So while she is asleep get some ice on it, dose up on painkillers and keep it elevated.

Redpony1 · 09/06/2017 09:42

Just taking some anti-inflamms and don't over do it. If it's not better in a few days, then go to Drs.... At most they will just tell you to do what i've just said anyway!

PoppyFleur · 09/06/2017 09:42

I see some people have had a compassion bypass recently.

YANBU, I would absolutely expect DH to be supportive because, and as one poster pointed out, marriage and parenting is about being a team. I would be mightily pissed off by the lack of support.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/06/2017 09:49

I would concentrate on keeping toddler in the room and keeping your knee as iced and elevated as poss.. (with a toddler!).

I would try and speak to GP for advice over phone today, and depending what their advice is- try and go to minor injuries as soon as your partner comes home..

AmserGwin · 09/06/2017 09:51

The doctor will more than likely tell you to rest it and take painkillers and if it's not better within a few days come back, so save yourself a visit

Coconutwoman · 09/06/2017 09:53

YANBU.
Teachers are parents too. He should have taken a day off. I have an almost 16 months old who is all over the place and I need to be on my feet all the time so I understand where you are coming from.
It's not the fact that you are in pain, it's the fact that you are incapable of looking after your child. What an unsafe situation to be left in.
You might as well be a single parent as your dh is useless in times of needs. Hope you get better soon.

strawberrypenguin · 09/06/2017 09:53

Sounds like you probably dislocated it when you stood up. Has it gone back properly? Can you bend your knee? Ibuprofen for the swelling and phone gp for advice.
I'd be pissed off at my DH if he'd left me with a toddler while not being able to walk too

sailorcherries · 09/06/2017 09:58

Teachers get one paid half day of leave to look after a sick child, after that it is at the discretion of their headteacher if they have more leave and it is unpaid. I cannot see how your husband could justify having time off, given the current educational climate, because you've hurt your knee.

Teachers barely get time off when they are ill.

diddl · 09/06/2017 10:01

"I can barely move and not capable of chasing after DD. "

So she's not safe with you?

Starlighter · 09/06/2017 10:01

I don't think it's reasonable to expect a teacher to take a day off for this. Other jobs, yes, but teaching is one of those jobs where it's difficult to take time off.

Could you ask the GP to come out to you for an emergency appointment? And phone around any friends to come over and help u out with your dd?

mandi73 · 09/06/2017 10:03

So she gets a taxi with a knee she can't put weight on, oh and a walking 10mth old she can't catch and probably can't carry cos you know she can't put weight on her knee??????
She goes to A&E with said knee and baby, that she can't carry or catch/
Some of these repsonses are insane.
Sorry OP that he didn't take the day off TO MIND HIS CHILD but i think i would be getting a msg to him saying you can't manage.

nokidshere · 09/06/2017 10:04

Teachers get one paid half day of leave to look after a sick child, after that it is at the discretion of their headteacher if they have more leave and it is unpaid. I cannot see how your husband could justify having time off, given the current educational climate, because you've hurt your knee. Teachers barely get time off when they are ill.

Teachers get parental leave the same as everyone else. The child is not sick his wife is incapacitated. He can justify having time off because his wife is unable to look after their child.

Teachers get the same time as everyone else off if they are sick. Employment laws don't say "but not teachers"!

timeisnotaline · 09/06/2017 10:06

While I could stagger to a taxi I would expect my dp to stay home and care for lo. Would your dp go to work in your condition? And if he really has to go to work I'd expect him to be very sympathetic. Hate all thIs mums just soldier on with their vital organs hanging out because we're mums. Yes single mums have it very tough and have my admiration. Doesn't mean I can't expect my dp to support me.

AvoidingCallenetics · 09/06/2017 10:07

OP is not a single parent and shouldn't have to carry on as of she were. Her h has a responsibility to look after his own child if the OP is incapacitated and he has basically just said a big 'fuck you' to her!

Since when is it acceptable to opt out of parenting responsibilities? The world won't end if his class has a supply teacher for half a day!

sailorcherries · 09/06/2017 10:08

nokids

Obviously employment laws don't say that. However poll a number of teachers and ask when they have taken time off.

nokidshere · 09/06/2017 10:08

I don't think it's reasonable to expect a teacher to take a day off for this. Other jobs, yes, but teaching is one of those jobs where it's difficult to take time off.

You don't think it's reasonable for a father to care for his child because his wife is unable to do so?

There are hundreds of jobs where one might not get paid, or someone would have to cover. Being a teacher is no different.

nokidshere · 09/06/2017 10:10

Obviously employment laws don't say that. However poll a number of teachers and ask when they have taken time off.

That's totally irrelevant. Just because they choose not to for whatever reason does not mean they aren't entitled to.

blackteasplease · 09/06/2017 10:10

If he had an office job or similae I would say yanbu but a teacher can't take a day off for this.

sailorcherries · 09/06/2017 10:12

nokids

There is no reasoning with someone who has no experience of what they are talking about, we will agree to disagree.

NavyandWhite · 09/06/2017 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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