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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with DP

144 replies

LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 08:15

Yesterday, I got up quickly from the sofa to get DD who is 10 months as I did, my knee 'popped' and gave way. There was some pain but I could hobble.

I was hobbling all evening and the pain has become increasingly worse. Ibuprofen isn't touching it. By bed time I could barely walk to bed.

This morning the pain is just as bad and I can only walk 2-3 steps before the pain is too bad and my knee can't support my weight. So buff shuffling it is.

I asked DP if he could not go to work today (he's a teacher) so he could help look after DD and drive me to the doctors as the pain means I can't drive. He's refused.

I'm really upset and in so much pain, we have no family near by and I'm struggling to look after DD. She's 10 months old and walking, she's into everything and despite babyproofing as best I can, I still need to get up and down to her.

AIBU to be upset with DP, should he have taken a day off work to help me so I can see a doctor?

OP posts:

Ceto · 09/06/2017 08:54

Why would anyone complain about their child having a supply teacher? They are just as qualified as a permanent teacher.

Wait till your child is at school and you will find out.

gandalfspants · 09/06/2017 08:55

YABU to expect him to take the day off I think, how do you think lone parents or people whose partners work away cope in these situations?

Not much to be done now but I'd suggest spending this weekend baby/toddler proofing for these situations. Sort your doors out or buy a decent playpen.

Original poster

LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 08:55

I've not let on to DP I'm upset tbf so he won't know the difference luckily!

OP posts:

Dawnedlightly · 09/06/2017 08:57

Why haven't you let him know?

Original poster

LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 08:58

Ok I accept I may BU but some of the suggestions just aren't practical. A 'play pen' for an active 10 month old who is used to roaming freely around the place? She'll scream! Besides we don't have a travel cot, can't exactly go and pick one up can I?

Single parents doesn't come into this, I'm not a single parent and if I was, I'd live closer to family.

OP posts:

InTheRedTent · 09/06/2017 09:02

If he is on PPA this afternoon could he speak to his head? There is already cover in place and he could take you to the doctor then. A relative is in teaching and they are always encouraged to arrange doctors visits for during PPA rather than teaching hours.

expatinscotland · 09/06/2017 09:02

Well, you'll have to think of something. I had 3, one with autism, no family, lived rurally, no one to help, a husband who worked shifts and was on zero hours so didn't get paid if he took off work. You have to be resourceful and crack on a lot. It's no fun, but there's not a lot you can do about it.

BarbarianMum · 09/06/2017 09:03

Why haven't you let him know you are upset? Why are your needs so unimportant in all this?

I really cannot imagine my dh waltzing off to work without at least having helped me come up with a plan to get medical attention or having our child cared for. It speaks volumes about your place in the relationship that you think this is ok.

Charley50 · 09/06/2017 09:06

Haven't you made friends with other mums with small babies? Can't one of them help? If you haven't, you should. It makes the early years so much easier. Then again I was lucky as when I had DS health visitors still arranged groups for new mums to meet.
Ice and painkillers?

sunshinemeg · 09/06/2017 09:06

YABVU

PPA is hugely important to a teaching job. Half a day of it is vital and can't just be missed to take you to a doctor.

A supply teacher may very well be as qualified, but as has been pointed out to you they are in no way in the best place to cover a class if it's avoidable. They don't know the students. Work will be filler work and all avoidable. It's Friday. He can be home fairly early and take over child care then. Stop blaming him, work out a way to keep your child in one room, which you should have in place already if they are that young and mobile. Get on the floor, her toys out and play.

Charley50 · 09/06/2017 09:10

I think he should come home at lunchtime if it's still bad though.

PsychedelicSheep · 09/06/2017 09:13

I don't see what going to the GP will achieve? Surely you need an x ray at A &E? GP can give pain meds but not much else

Toysaurus · 09/06/2017 09:14

Single parents do come into this. Because this is the shit we deal with on a day to day basis alone. And we have to deal with it through determination and initiative.

Lots of education staff I know and have worked with are in fear for their jobs right now and absolutely won't take time off with fixed term contracts coming up for renewal.

Get a taxi. Put the baby on a harness. Find a way.

Original poster

LouBlue1507 · 09/06/2017 09:17

Single parents do come into this. Because this is the shit we deal with on a day to day basis alone. And we have to deal with it through determination and initiative

Well done you.

OP posts:

NavyandWhite · 09/06/2017 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AhYerWill · 09/06/2017 09:21

Not sure if your DP is unreasonable, but I did something very similar sounding to my knee (stood up and turned at the same time and a loud twang and my knee buckled). Hurt like a bastard (way more than when I broke my foot), couldn't put weight on it (literally couldn't stop the knee collapsing). Lots of swelling round the kneecap.

Rest (elevate leg), ice, compression bandage and a fuck tonne of ibuprofen and I was back on my feet in a couple of days. Within about 5 it was as if it never happened. No idea what it was as didn't get a GP appt, but fingers crossed you'll be the same and fine next week. I didn't have a toddler to deal with though.

Only1scoop · 09/06/2017 09:22

I'd get the anti inflams down me, call a taxi if it's that bad and go to A & E, maybe he will pop by at lunchtime?

nokidshere · 09/06/2017 09:23

Dear god what a load of crap is spouted on here sometimes!

It's not the end of the world if a teacher has a day off. The school won't fall apart, the children won't get locked in a cupboard for the day! Teachers have lives and responsibilities outside the school gates too.

OP needs medical attention and a 10 month old needs looking after. He should have sorted that before going to school.

It's not like she has a headache, or that he has taken lots of time off for family commitments already. It's a one off, unusual situation that needs dealing with.

SilenceOfThePrams · 09/06/2017 09:24

Single parent here too.
Which is irrelevant, frankly.

As a single parent, I have back up plans in place. If I were with a partner, my first back up plan would be my partner - parenting being a team and all that.

Forget the GP though. Get your baby in the buggy and get a taxi to minor injuries or A and E.

Yes, she will probably scream. But she will do that at home too if you are having to restrict her liberty. So you might as well get treatment whilst she's screaming rather than having a screamy day and make the injury worse.

You might find using her buggy as a walking frame helps you to hop a bit.

barrygetamoveonplease · 09/06/2017 09:25

To be honest, I'm not convinced.
If you lived with a teacher you'd know perfectly well they can't take days off randomly.
I know a lot about knee pain. You do need to get help. Taxi.

nokidshere · 09/06/2017 09:26

Single parent here too. Which is irrelevant, frankly. As a single parent, I have back up plans in place. If I were with a partner, my first back up plan would be my partner - parenting being a team and all that

Absolutely.

witsender · 09/06/2017 09:27

I would be disappointed too. Because apart from anything else, he isn't taking the day off to help you out! You are incapacitated and unable to care for your child. He would be taking the time to care for his child, which he should be well within his rights to do.

sizeofalentil · 09/06/2017 09:27

If I were you I'd try getting a taxi there first before asking your DP to take a day off. Know it's not ideal, but if it's do-able, then try it.

lackingimagination · 09/06/2017 09:28

Threads like this frustrate me. OP why don't you respond to the 75% of posters who have suggested getting a taxi? Why are you ignoring the advice that you have asked for?

NavyandWhite · 09/06/2017 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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