To be upset with DP

[LouBlue1507]

Yesterday, I got up quickly from the sofa to get DD who is 10 months as I did, my knee 'popped' and gave way. There was some pain but I could hobble.

I was hobbling all evening and the pain has become increasingly worse. Ibuprofen isn't touching it. By bed time I could barely walk to bed.

This morning the pain is just as bad and I can only walk 2-3 steps before the pain is too bad and my knee can't support my weight. So buff shuffling it is.

I asked DP if he could not go to work today (he's a teacher) so he could help look after DD and drive me to the doctors as the pain means I can't drive. He's refused.

I'm really upset and in so much pain, we have no family near by and I'm struggling to look after DD. She's 10 months old and walking, she's into everything and despite babyproofing as best I can, I still need to get up and down to her.

AIBU to be upset with DP, should he have taken a day off work to help me so I can see a doctor?

I am a teacher and I would have taken the day off in these circumstances.

People get ill. The 10 month old needs chasing after (mine was FAST at that age and they would fling themselves around if they didn't want to go in the buggy/car seat or whatever) and the DH is not indispensable. He is on PPA for half the day. He could have overseen a doctor visit and then gone back in if necessary.

Then, stop being angry at your DH. There are not many jobs where people get time off for their partners health problems and even less where people get time off for their partner having a fairly minor injury and being too nervous to call someone more appropriate for help
But parents are responsible for looking after their child when the child's usual carer is incapacitated. Would you expect a childminder or nanny to work in such a condition?

@navyandwhite
I'm sure she would rather have dh at home, but he hasn't stayed at home has he, so emergency childcare to help is a further option. As I said, cost will be less than a days unpaid leave for dp.
Of course dp staying home would be preferable to the op but it hasn't happened so it's pointless saying that.

You have my sympathies OP.

My husband is a teacher and he has taken days off last minute on a good few occasions when I've been unwell and can't look after our child.

Childcare is as much his responsibility as yours and if you aren't fit to look after your child then it falls to him.

I hope your knee feels better soon.

Well DP hasn't even text me to see how I am despite normally texting me daily on his lunch break.. I'm guessing he knows I'm upset.

It's bloody useless, can't even hobble without it buckling Ibuprofen have had no effect! I've managed to block DD in an area using the big sofa cushions!

No luck with an appointment, have to phone before 8:30am. Awaiting a call back from gp though.

He should have stayed to allow you to get to the doctor and to ensure his child was safe and you were not further stressed and were getting treatment. Well done for getting her corralled. If it's not to practical and not too painful next thing is to make sure you are watered and fed to keep your energy and mood stable. Do you have relatives who could come and stay if you need help in the next few days? If so ring them and have a word now. Once this is sorted I would make an effort find local Mums, when mine were little I would happily have come round to help out or tried to get you to the doctor.

If no joy with GP, and you can afford osteopath, do ring someone in your area. Mine does free phone advice and if you can't get to the clinic; home visits.

Hope it improves. Your partner sounds really unsympathetic - which is unacceptable behaviour. Even if he couldn't get the day off he should have been really apologetic and making sure you can cope.

If the op was a childminder, I doubt anyone would leave their baby with her in her condition, so if a parent was a teacher, they would have to take leave for emergency child care reasons. The same goes for the father here. He should take the time for his baby.

I had a chest infection that confined me to bed, I could just about get to the loo but if I went downstairs I had to rest a couple of times on the way back up (I also have asthma).
My DH took a day off work (he looked after the DC who were tiny, including a bolting 2yo I couldn't chase), as a childcare emergency - as a PP has said, a paid carer wouldn't work when this unwell.

Some employers would expect this to be unpaid (so expat is incorrect that her DH couldn't, he would just not get paid, like other employees).

Similarly, when our CM had a family illness emergency I took a day's leave for the same category - I get 1 a year paid and one unpaid I think so any more would be unpaid.

If your DH was on a residential trip this week I'd say no but with his timetable as it is - needing non cover for the afternoon - I too would be annoyed. Text him and tell him you can't cope any more and he needs to leave early.

YANBU.

When my dd was a similar age I injured my neck and could barely move.

Dh, a primary school teacher, took the day off without question. And funnily enough, the school and the kids survived.

He took me to the doctor and then parented whilst I was passed out on the good painkillers.

I hope your knee feels better soon OP.

Mumsnet always bloody does this. yes, teaching is an important job but the soap is incapacitated and this is her child too. It's not a bloody "whim" she's had for him to stay home.

He's let you and his daughter down OP. And so have all the posters suggesting you put your DD in a cage for the day.

Only in the alternate universe that is Mumsnet are people expected to hirple about lame, with an active toddler to keep alive, in agony, with no local support, and yet they are told to buck up when they suggest that some spousal support might be welcome.

If it had happened to your DH, then by necessity he would be off work, and I daresay the school would survive without him! It didn't happen to him though, it happened to you, and yet you are not allowed to have a 'sickie' from your day job in order to get medical attention. It is absolute bullshit. You are perfectly entitled to be cross.

Op I was going to ask how confident you are managing your lo generally, but I think
Your last post answers that.

And actually if the gp the correct place to go for a sore knee? What do you want to go to do? Prescribe painkillers? This does not sound like an appropriate gp appointment.

You poor thing OP.. you sound properly injured😮
I can see why you're pissed off with your DP. I don't imagine you'd ask him to stay home for a twinge.

Ask the GP if he/she can prescribe some good pain relief and send the prescription to the chemist.. then your DP can pick it up for you?

If you've torn something you'll need them.. and I would recommend A&E if you can't put weight on it..

Hard day for you.. hope you get some help soon x

Yes, Navy. Good to support teachers but it goes too far.

What a lovely, supportive thread, really embodying the spirit of supporting each other.

OP, YANBU. Your circumstances are your own. If your DP was self employed or you were a single parent I am sure you would deal with that too. But it's like me getting a train and two buses to work because "I'd have to if I didn't have a car." I do have a car. So why make life difficult?

As for the taxi suggestions I will tell you now I couldn't, because I couldn't afford a taxi. Maybe OP with her pay frozen husband and on maternity leave would struggle as well?

I tore the cartlege in my knee a few years ago. It was a nightmare and my dds were older. I ended up having an op. You certainly have my sympathy!
Did the GP call you back?

I'm sorry you've hurt your knee OP - what you should do is go to your local Minor Injuries Unit or A&E - if you go this evening your Hubby can drive you there, help you into the building and look after your daughter.

There's no point going over the course of today as you'll end up rowing, some times you have to let things go.

I know some people suggested seeing your GP or even requesting a GP Home Visit you - please do NOT do this. It's really not appropriate use of GP's appts. Many surgery's have just 1 GP dealing with all the Urgent/Emergency appts - going out to visit a pt who just cannot get to the surgery is not a 'medical emergency'.

Can you imagine if you genuinely a HouseBound pt who really does need a HomeVisit, but the GP has gone out to visit a pt with a hurt knee that he cannot treat/diagnose but might be able to leave you a prescription of painkillers.

Even if you do go the your GP surgery they can't treat it, just give painkillers and anti-inflammatories.

Please go to your MI unit.

Of course he can take the day off if you CAN'T safely look after your baby. Never heard so much crap in all my life.

@sailorcherries obviously knows absolutely nothing about what they're talking about. Less than nothing actually.

I've been a teacher for 15 years and guess what? I'm also epileptic. Each year, I take approximately 9-10 days off: this is usually 2 days for every attack I have.

I'm also an outstanding teacher and head of the English department. By your logic, it's absolutely unbelievable that I haven't been sacked or sacrificed to OFSTED. Do you not think that teachers live real lives? Are you that deluded?

It's up to senior staff to put in place contingency plans because the buck stops with them. I also manage a member of staff whose daughter has been unwell this year. Not terribly but she has needed a number of minor surgeries. Her mum has taken a day off work for each and I can hardly believe it's true after reading your wonder advice, but she still has a job too! Incredible!