To be irrationally upset by DH's vote.

[brotherhoodofspam]

Just found out that DH has voted Tory for the 2nd time now. He's doing it tactically as hates SNP but I'd already pointed out to him this morning that labour came 2nd here last time. I know it's stupid but I feel really upset about this. I always thought we had a similar world view and I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional. He's really angry with me now for the way I reacted but I wouldn't be the person be married if I just said. " that's nice dear". Just now I'm feeling pretty disgusted with him though. AIBU?

So if your partner did a massive volte face on a significant chunk of his world view you wouldn't have an opinion on it or be at all concerned?

He's entitled to hold the politics he wants because he isn't some kind of creature that is less than human. He could vote Green or UKIP if he wanted to, and I would somehow avoid taking the piss. I would struggle if he voted Labour which is why I said the feelings are understandable, but I would know it was absolutely wrong on the same level as possessive jealousy, and therefore learn to deal with it because... we don't own other people.

YANBU, he showed a shift in his values, its not unreasonable to be upset by that even though its his choice.

Had similar with OH, he voted for The Finns Party in the last parliamentary election over here, a party that is firmly against what I believe in and that upset me especially as I'm an immigrant so him voting for the anti-immigrant party was quite a kick in the teeth. We argued about it (though in the debate type way not fight way) many times, but he eventually realised himself what tosspots they are and in the recent Municipal elections we ended up voting for the same candidate (out of a list of about 50 candidates so quite a coincidence to vote the same one!) so I feel like we're more on the same page again now. He does have different views than me about things like taxation which we argue a lot but it would be boring I suppose if we agreed on everything...

Small point to add there as well - it's possible to change how you vote completely because your beliefs have stayed the same and your party has betrayed them.

One danger of trying to repeatedly persuade your partner around would be the passion/disapproval coming through. I think a lot of people would eventually say anything to get out of the conversation of their partner was not going to be "satisfied" with their voting choice and was going to act like they had done something wrong when they hadn't.

Quite so, metspengler, I really don't think ANY voter has the right to feel superior because every single one of those parties is derelict in their manifesto and, for those that have never been, nor will ever get into power, it's a moot point.

It's risible, it really is. Each party has (according to their manifesto) some good points and every party in power has fucked the country up. I'm trying to think of where anybody would/could attempt to even score points?

So-what if your partner decided to join the EDL or became a holocaust denier?

Um no. I could not be tolerant of that. We'd part ways. Out of interest, did any of the parties state this in their manifesto?

Coming back to what is actually happening on this thread, posters are threatening divorce for voting Tory. Do you think that's in any way comparable, Bertrand?

So-what if your partner decided to join the EDL or became a holocaust denier?

And that's exactly the same as voting Conservative or switching from Labour to Tory?

So-what if your partner decided to join the EDL or became a holocaust denier?

Giant eye-roll.

I had forgotten the OP's angst is because her husband's vote was anti- SNP rather than pro- Tory which makes her even more unreasonable.

But, but... she's superior for her voting choice, dontcha know, Lass?

I know, the arrogance is breathtaking, isn't it?

"So-what if your partner decided to join the EDL or became a holocaust denier?

And that's exactly the same as voting Conservative or switching from Labour to Tory?"

No, of course it isn't. I was just thinking about world views, that's all. I'd forgotten about the OP!

I'm still annoyed with my dad for voting Leave despite professing his staunchy pro-Remain views before the Referendum - because he didn't want to annoy his wife, who hates the EU! I did remind him that he could have agreed to disagree with her, respecting each others' views, and that we have a democracy and a secret ballot. DH usually votes Tory, whereas I never have (I waver between Labour, Green and Lib Dem), but it's his choice and he has his reasons.

I did understand your point, Bertrand, I just don't think it's helpful to conflate non-comparable issues. It's a bit manipulative.

You refer to 'world view' but whatever your world view is doesn't mean that your partner would necessarily share it. A world view seems to be the latest catch-all, buzzword term for 'my view', and that's a dangerous thing. At the risk of being inflammatory, Hitler had a 'world view' too. It wasn't compatible with other peoples but at the outset it seemed like a 'very good idea'. There were some parts of it, like organising the youth and getting them off the streets into some meaningful direction, which would be highly compatible with now here in the UK.

The direction that he went with that and everything else was abhorrent to every right-thinking person in the world and in a way, it's that heartbreaking, infamous and ultimate despotic act that will be present in everybody's minds forever... and that is what will hopefully prevail to prevent that ever happening again.

Infighting about what parties were voted for is impotent and pointless, but not benign, and that's what should be remembered. We're left with the results of the election now and we have to come together to make the best country that we can. There's no time for squabbling - and there never really was a point to it either.

Sorry for the diatribe but post like the OP really irritate me. Secure and content and clueless as to what real oppression can be like. I have no respect for blithe and grandiose posturing of 'I'd divorce him'; just a none too quiet contempt.

I agree completely with your last post Lying

There is so much finger pointing going on here about who was to blame for this.

I'm a Remainer who voted Lib Dem but from the posts of some of the SNP supporters I'm practically single handedly responsible for where we are now.

By " here" I don't just mean this thread.

"You refer to 'world view' but whatever your world view is doesn't mean that your partner would necessarily share it"

Of course not. But if he has shared it for 30 years, then suddenly does a 180 then surely it would be an issue? I remembe a long thread in here where somebody's long term partner suddenly switched from being an atheist to a church twice a week Christian. And they were told to "deal with it" by most posters. Which struck me as being both impossible and ridiculous.

The more interesting psychological issue is how couples in long term marriages cope with change. Most people become a bit more like their partner over the years after marriage and if they divorce tend to revert to the views they held before that "marriage gelling" of views.

The bigger issues are how to deal with inevitable change in a long marriage - people willn ot stay the same. The staunch full time worker might want to be a stay at home parent or the City banker might want to find God and become a vicar or run a vineyard or the women always in the high heels and sexy knickers puts in 4 stone, big knickers and never wants sex when she used to up for it every single day.

But Bertrand, really? That latest example is even more baffling. Religion is a personal thing and sometimes people who declare themselves as non-religious, have a change of heart. Are you saying that they're not entitled to do that?

What was this man doing? Dragging his hitherto non-churching going partner to church with ecclesiastical enthusiasm or did he just expect her to absorb the news and leave him to quietly go off to church when he wanted to?

I've also see you as a fiercely feminist poster, Bertrand and your posts really do make me think (in a good way!) but I'm baffled that you would think there is anything creditable in making your partner suffer or feel 'less than' for a change of heart?

If, in any of these examples, there was any evidence of brainwashing of the partner then that would be a totally different ballgame but there isn't, is there? If anything, it's the woman-end of the partnership that is dictating how things are to be - or ELSE.

That isn't feminism to me, it's tacit bullying and I want no part of it. If my husband does things that impact me then we'll have a conversation about it and respectfully decide where we go from there but I won't be moved by gaggles of posters saying, "I'd divorce him!" and seeking validation for their pious nonsense.

People have inalienable rights as part of the Constitution of America... even Trump has signed up to that ffs!

"I'm baffled that you would think there is anything creditable in making your partner suffer or feel 'less than' for a change of heart?"

I wouldn't want to make him suffer or feel less than. And of course he has a perfect right to have a change of heart. But if somebody shows themselves to be a completely different person to the person you thought they were do you not have the right to reconsider your relationship?

So he's gone from a left wing student to a right wing middle class professional?? Which basically means he's gone from being a poor, non earning, zero assets student with little or no taxes to pay, to being a hard working aspirational social funding taxpayer!
Or as another poster put it..has simply grown up

Bertrand Oh absolutely. You can have a change of heart about a relationship 'because it's Tuesday' if you want. Nobody needs a reason to end a relationship.

But if you are fickle enough to break a marriage because somebody used their legal voting rights - the same as you can and did - for a legitimate (non-world decimating party) - then let's not pretend that it's anything other than a bit pathetic.

It's not about the vote. It's about becoming a different person.

And it's not necessarily about ending a relationship. Posters are saying that you would have no right to an opinion about it or even to know about it......

You don't have a RIGHT to know about anybody's vote. You can have an opinion about it but a bit of a waste of time if your partner isn't interested in discussing politics/religion with you.

Your partners vote and whether or not they believe in God or anything else is not your RIGHT TO KNOW, I'm sorry but it isn't. They can choose to share that with you and most do, without drama, but if people like the OP react in the way that she did, I can foresee not only her husband not sharing anything with her again (because why would any sane person?) - and a divorce in her future because living with a controlling arse isn't what most of us aspire to.

Why do you think having as different political or religious viewpoint makes somebody a 'different person'? I really don't understand that.