To be irrationally upset by DH's vote.

[brotherhoodofspam]

Just found out that DH has voted Tory for the 2nd time now. He's doing it tactically as hates SNP but I'd already pointed out to him this morning that labour came 2nd here last time. I know it's stupid but I feel really upset about this. I always thought we had a similar world view and I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional. He's really angry with me now for the way I reacted but I wouldn't be the person be married if I just said. " that's nice dear". Just now I'm feeling pretty disgusted with him though. AIBU?

I don't think yabu I have 2 dds one voted labour like me because we feel the future for her isn't a good one under a conservative government. My other dd voted conservative and yes it's her choice as it is your husbands but like you I am upset about as stated I raised my dds with certain moral values and it feels a bit like she has turned her back on her roots. Still flip side I raised them to speak their minds and hold their own views which is exactly what they are doing. But I get why your upset you respect his choice but there is like me that part of you that wants shared values it's understandable we don't have to like everything our loved ones do!

YAnBu I would be devastated if my husband voted CONservative. To find out that your OH no longer shares your values is upsetting. I/he have:had voted tactically but only on the left.

Lack of shared values reflected in choice to vote right versus left wing. This would be a deal breaker in a relationship for me, I accept it may not be the case for others.

Hamburg - I would be upset too. If he voted tactically, but no chance of his choice winning, why not vote Labour? But, if all else ok .... then don't be too upset for too long. 🌺

Hamburg?!? That should have been YNBU! Bizarre spellcheck on mumsnet and no delete that I can see. 🌺

Tough one, I tend to vote Tory and all my friends are Labour, Id be lying if I didn't say I try to avoid them when it's election time as we do have completely different views BUT I know we want the same things but believe in different ways of achieving them...though I know my best-friend basically thinks it's satanic to vote Tory, and so I have to lie to her now and say I vote Lib Dem otherwise she bombards me with reasons that Tories are evil. TBH I would love to have a balanced conversation with her, but her attitude makes it impossible. Whereas I used to vote Labour (I would vote Labour again if there was a centre-left candidate) but DH voted tory and we had some lengthy debates. It's a shame politics is so tribal, it's like a religion, I fleet in and out of one party to the other so I don't get the staunch Labour or Tory position.

Being upset at how another adult votes is unreasonably entitled and even potentially controlling.

Nobody is entitled to feel put out by how their partner votes, to think it is your business to feel aggrieved that they made up their own mind is to treat them as less than human, as if you own them and their vote

mets

What if your partner suddenly decided they were homophobic? Or racist?

Would it be controlling to say you're not happy with that?

I have no problem with right wing viewpoints. I will happily listen to reasonable Tories like John Major or Ruth Davidson. I think they make very good points, I understand where they're coming from, even if I don't think they're going about things the right way. I would have no problem with someone voting for a Ruth Davidson-led Tory government.

I DO have a problem with someone voting for the current Tories. Because I believe they exist only to serve themselves and rich people. I hate how they speak so negatively about everything. I hate their plans for the NHS and human rights. I find them morally repugnant. How could I possibly be married to someone who supported things I found morally repugnant? It doesn't make sense.

It's not about right and left. It's about morals. If that is controlling, then call me controlling, but I don't want to be married to someone whose views are the exact opposite of my own.

Having a problem with someone in yout lie voting for who they want to just makes you an unreasonable person.

Learn where your boundaries in life end, and where other people's begin, and accord them the respect to treat them like an independent human being.

Yout lie? Amazing. Should say your life obvs.

Nobody has ever given one single solitary crap whether someone opinionated thinks their vote is OK.

Time to reconcile self with that and mobe on to being upset about something else (I suppose).

Well, it's less about the vote (as others have said) and more about where that opinion is coming from.

It is up to them to vote for who they want, obviously. I would never try to stop someone voting for who they want.

It's also my choice if I choose not to be with someone because I don't agree with their opinions.

I don't see what's controlling about that.

Yep- YABU

I sympathise with you, right or wrong I would feel the same

Depending upon what you did to act irrationally - YANBU. For those saying it's not your business Its completely your business - particularly if you know, well, anyone - who will be significantly impacted by extreme policies which change the socio-economic landscape for us all. Those saying it's controlling are a bit like May's dictatorial/cowardly campaign : "I'm going to repeat a mantra, with no backing evidence, you agree with me, have no cause to question me, I do not need to engage with you, just don't question me, head down, bleat after me...". Face it, democracy is about debate, dialogue & engagement. If op beat her husband or didn't allow him to vote, THATs controlling. Losing your rag with someone you love because their values are revealed to oppose yours I would think normal. Op, I applaud your passion and i hope it continues, but keep it RATIONAL Stay informed and measured and remember other things you love about him. Join your party of choice and hopefully the damage of this coalition of chaos will not be irreparable, & society will not draw the same conclusion in GE2021. If we don't have one sooner.

I'm snorting at all the 'I'd divorce him!' posters on this thread. Yeah, sure you would. If he turned the tables on you and divorced you haven't had enough of your controlling fuckwittery you'd be heartbroken.

Easy to say on a chatboard though, isn't it?

*having

So if your partner did a massive volte face on a significant chunk of his world view you wouldn't have an opinion on it or be at all concerned?

Yabu. His vote. His choice.

I might, Bertrand, I might well. I might ask him why he thinks the way he does and we might even have an argument about it if I didn't agree but - and this the big BUT, he's an autonomous person in his own right and he is free in this country to think what he wants to without my running interference in his head.

I'm disgusted but not at all surprised at the number of gung-ho lying posters who talk big saying that 'they'd divorce him'. Imagine the outrage though at a man who even suggested such a thing, ie. divorcing his wife, on this chatboard He would be eviscerated.

On the political angle, there's no one perfect party out there, not a one. If you read the manifestos of any - even UKIP, there is something you could pick out that's positive and good for the country. The fact that they're all lying their arses off doesn't change that they talk a good game and that is what people decide their voting on. So, if you vote Tory and your partner votes Labour then you'll just cancel each other out, won't you? No harm, no foul.

I'm just not a fan of hyperbole and, sorry to say, hysterics. But that is what it is. You don't get to control other people just because their views are not aligned with yours. However, if politics is enough to end your marriage then it wasn't a good marriage to start with, was it?

It's not the politics. It's that he would have become a different person. With an entirely different world view.

Agree with Bertrand I definitely absolutely would leave a partner who suddenly started voting Tory. Not because I want to control their voting, but because it would mean they had changed into someone with opposing values to my own.

I would have thought leaving someone was the opposite of controlling them tbh. I would have no wish or desire to control them, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near them any more.

It's not the politics. It's that he would have become a different person. With an entirely different world view

Well my husband is going to have to deal with the fact that I am no longer a Labour supporter. Corbyn is taking the party much further to the left than I can support so for the foreseeable future I will be a Tory in Holyrood elections and a Lib Dem in national ones.

His vote, his choice I'm afraid.

All is not lost though, my DH has always voted differently to me. I once got a pasting on here for that. Apparently we didn't have the same principles.

He's always been a decent man, just imo misguided politically.

Anyway, this year his vote swung. His own choice. Not to the same party as me, but a substantial right to left move.

I think my vote cancelled dh vote out.
I was still arguing the toss as we went into the polling station as in

You do realise that the conservative candidate isn't from the town don't you.
No

Well he's not and not only that, not even from the same area. Something like 200 miles away.

Haven't spoken of it since.
Don't know how he voted
Not worth the hassle.
Like pp have said, his vote, his choice.

A conservative has as much chance in this town as a snowball withstanding the fires of the hell.