How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

Roomster - I don't want to get into a whole SAHM debate tbh. It's irrelevant what I do in the day as the mornings would still be the same regardless, I suspect.

Are you kidding me. No chance.

My kids have morning chores, and they sort there own breakfast and uniforms.

Roomster - I don't want to get into a whole SAHM debate tbh. It's irrelevant what I do in the day as the mornings would still be the same regardless, I suspect.

It is relevant to what you do in the mornings as I think that if you genuinely had more to do each day you would be more organised and efficient rather than leaving things to the last minute which is what is happening at the moment. You probably also wouldn't feel the need to run around after everyone in the morning to make yourself feel busy.

Get up. Shower.
Wake DH and DS.
Get dressed.
Wake DH and DH again.
Sort out washing
Get DS's uniform out.
Come down, let dog out. Probably clean up a pee (dog is very old and has decided that he prefers to use the indoor facilities at night).
Put a wash on.
Make DS's packed lunch.
Shout up the stairs a bit.
Wash whatever dishes DH has accumulated in the sink since I went to bed.
Go upstairs and shout some more until DS is actually out of bed.
Make my breakfast and DS's.
Eat breakfast, while intoning 'Hurry up and eat your breakfast' after every mouthful.
Dry hair while DS gets dressed.
Put DS tidy, sort his hair out.
Walk DS to school.
Walk dog.
Come home, put washing to dry.
Start work.

Get up
Sort self out shower etc
Nag kids to get dressed
Do kids breakfast if not cereal. Cereal they do themselves
Check dd had antihistamine
Get pack lunch together
May put a wash load on
Make beds
Feed cats
Pop computer on if a work from home day
Load car if a work out of home day
Get gym bag ready if a gym day day off work
Nag kids to get shoes on
Get out house and walk to school

Bloody hell!!!!!

No wonder women are knackered.

Today- up at 6am
Made cups of tea for myself and other members of the household
Made husband's lunch (my choice to do this!)
Folded washing
Put on load of washing and put it out on line
Sorted food for slow cooker for tonight's dinner
Put items in the recycling
Fed/ sorted pets
Texts/ emails
Organised self (shower, make up etc; prayer)
Out to work at 8am

I am a morning person though!

Roomster - if I needed to "feel busy" I could get a job if you think about it. I've been honest about how I spend my time. I don't accept that I am the only mum, SAH or not, that runs about in the mornings in this kind of way.

No one is disputing that mornings are busy but most of us try and make it easier rather than adding to our workload by expecting the rest of the family to participate and cooperate with a smooth start to the day.

Me
Get up 5 am make OH breakfast and lunch ( my choice to do this)
5.10 shout at OH to get up and go back to bed
5.30 OH goes to work
7.30 get up properly and get ready for work
Make bed if I have time
Leave for work

This will change once our LO arrives. I do spoil OH, and he knows this.

Get up at 4:30am.
Check in mirror to see which one of my eyelids is swollen.
Loo.
Shower.
get dressed.
Kettle on and laptop on.
Style hair and makeup.
Cup of tea and cereal.
Make lunch.
wash and dry dishes.
out the door.
all takes about 1:15 mins.

Loads. But I'm a working lp who does everything every single day of the year.

If the kids have after school activities I might not eat until well after nine in the evening so I don't have time to do it all then. So I have to do it the next morning.

I often think about this.

By the time I leave in the morning at 7.30 (to do a school run) I have

made coffee
unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher
Sorted laundry/usually put on a wash
Sometimes cooked breakfast for kids - otherwise cereal they get themselves
Dropped the early one to the school bus
Walked the dog
Cleared the garden of any dog crap
Done some emails/paid bills/
planned dinner and prepared a shopping list

I get a lot done between 6.30 and 7.30!

Me
Get up 5:30, loo, get dressed/showered, leave for work at 6:20.

Dh
Get up 7am, dressed/showered, coffee, drop ds at bus stop, come back and walks dog, goes to work.

Ds(13)
Make sure uniform and bag ready night before, get up 7am, dressed/showered, breakfast, loo, teeth, dh takes to bus stop

Everyone
Clothes/underwear go straight in laundry when removed. Laundry baskets in bedrooms, and shower room make this easy.
Plates/cup go straight in dishwasher or counter top above if dishwasher needs emptied.

No running about here.

I've never ironed school uniform and I've got two teenage boys. Buy non-iron shirts from M&S - they hang dry or tumble dry with minimal creasing. Buy non-iron trousers/skirts from M&S - they hang dry or tumble dry with minimal creasing. Sweatshirts, jumpers and polo shirts all tumble dry and don't need ironing. Hang up the blazers when they come in so they don't get cat hair on.

Put a selection of cereal plus milk and a fruitbowl on the talbe. Add bowls and spoons if you want. They can do the rest.

Get your children to make their own beds or let the cleaner do it. If you're paying for a cleaner, the cleaner won't mind making the bed.

Don't be a martyr OP
You're raising lazy entitled children

Your youngest child is 9! They can pretty much do all self care by then, or should be able to anyway - my eldest is 7 and does more than your youngest...and your eldest actually

Oh and fruit and fish don't need to be bought daily
You're making yourself extra jobs to feel more important

If you have concerns or would like support for your DD's issues, have you posted in the SN section? Wealth of experience and knowledge in there.

Aside from that though, YANBU I'm afraid. As an adult you can martyr yourself all you like, but with DC it's worth thinking about what sort of example you are setting. Do you really want them to grow up thinking this behaviour is the norm? You can see from the responses it isn't the norm and modelling behaviour where one member of the family is subservient to the others and does everything (laying out uniform for a 13 year old? Mine would kill me!)

My DC are slightly bit older than yours (but one has SN) and they wouldn't dream of treating me like some sort of house slave, nor would I want them to. If I am having a good morning (I am disabled) I will get up before them and make breakfasts and drive them to school if I can, but I do this as good mornings are rare, and they usually go like this instead:

6.30 One DC wakes up, feeds the cats and lets them out. Spends the next 1.5 hours in the bathroom (messing with her eyebrows usually )
7.00 Other DC get up, make themselves breakfast (those that eat and one of them helps DC with SN). One of them will bring me a cup of tea and ask if I want anything else. They will bring the laundry bag downstairs and put the first load on. They will wash up any plates/pots they have used for breakfast.
7.55 Nightmare At Getting Up DC gets up
8.00 All DC leave the house (usually arguing about who gets the only pair of earphones they can find!)

Occasionally I feel a bit guilty they probably do more in the house than a lot of DC their age, but it's not a horrific workload by any means. I am glad they think of others and take responsibility. I try to set a good example even though there's a lot I physically can't do, and DH also sets a good example as he frequently does a load of washing before he leaves at 5am! (Which they take out and put in the dryer and put the next lot on)

I really think it's important that they understand everyone living in a family has responsibilities and that we are all equal. They do have a set chore each which they are responsible for, but otherwise they just muck in with what needs doing, and take stuff in turns. They're not angels and frequently drive me mad and can be selfish in ways teenagers tend to do, but they are also kind and thoughtful and it's really important to me that they are.

Aw come on you dont go to work, AND you have a cleaner! DS1 in bed at 10 how old is he?I have retired now, but always said I did most of the householdy stuff DH says but he does the decorating and household repairs. I had 4 kids, mostly worked nights, so home from work, make sure everyone fed, 2 cats, 2 dogs, chicken, various cage animals, packed lunches done, 2nd eldest on train to secondary school. always washed tidied up before walking youngest to school, washing machine on timer, outside now if I have time.(before she went o school at 5, I stayed up after a night shift) walked dogs round fields, home to bed. Up at lunch time, big garden lots to do there, I batch cooked, laid out clothes the previous night, before going to work.grew (still do) most of our own fruit and veg.

Jesus that's a lot of work

My DC are late primary age. They sort out their own schoolbags and pack their own kit. I leave it in their rooms, clean and folded, after that it's up to them. Important to teach independence and responsibility imo.

They also get their own breakfast. A variety of healthy, simple breakfast foods are avaliable. Clean uniforms always available, hot water for washing, but apart from that it's down to them. I'll do hair occasionally but they are usually fine doing it themselves.

I have a long commute. My morning goes like this

6.45 - DH (early riser) gets up,watches news, brings me coffee. I sit and drink it in bed while waking up. DC alarm goes off the same time.
7am - I get a shower, get ready. Makeup on. Sometimes at about half past, a child will wander by in their pants. I remind them we are leaving in fifteen minutes. Child develops uncanny burst of speed.
7.45- I leave for work with children in car.

I expect them to have bags packed and uniforms out the night before, all they need to do is get up, wash, eat.

Can I come live with you?

Sounds like living in a hotel.

In real life I have never met anyone with DC under the age of 15 who use the washing machine or iron. Never.
Yes the DC (and DH to some extent) should pick up after themselves more. I agree 100%.
I never intended this to be solely about my routine, more a general comment about women taking up most of the slack in the morning because in my experience, they invariably do.

Roomster - if I needed to "feel busy" I could get a job if you think about it. I've been honest about how I spend my time. I don't accept that I am the only mum, SAH or not, that runs about in the mornings in this kind of way.

If you don't need to feel busy then perhaps you are trying to convince other people. Overall you are not busy and while you are doing a lot first thing in the morning most of it could be done at other times in the day if you didn't want to get up early and rush around. I don't think that many people get up at 5.30 if no one else is up and if they don't need to leave the house until 8 unless they like being up early whether or not they are parents. It's just not necessary.

In real life I have never met anyone with DC under the age of 15 who use the washing machine or iron. Never.

What about yourself? Did you not help out with these sorts of chores at that age?

You're a mug op!

Get your lazy "DH" to get out of bed.

women taking up most of the slack in the morning because in my experience, they invariably do - I actually agree with that and either working or non-working as I am now I probably also pick up the "slack" in our house in the mornings. However, that does not include de-fluffing four lots of uniform, making coffee for my husband in bed, serving a variety of breakfasts or sorting out homework for secondary school teenagers! I think your definition of "slack" is somewhat different to most peoples!